Page 83 of Fake It For Him

Dad, Finn, and I were left in the sitting area, and since I’d been hoping to have a minute alone with them, I took the opportunity. Brown leather couches were scattered around us and a fire was roaring in the hearth. The atmosphere was filled with the buzz of anticipation. It seemed as good a time and place as I was going to get to try to do what needed to be done.

“Can I talk to you both for a moment?” I asked as I took a seat on the armchair across from the sofa Dad was on.

He nodded and a slight frown creased the skin between Finn’s eyebrows before he nodded as well. Sitting down in the armchair next to the couch, he spread his legs and leaned back, bringing his drink to his lips and looking at me expectantly.

I held his gaze, not glancing away for a second while I spoke. Not even to look at my father yet. “It occurs to me I’ve never offered you a genuine, sincere, honest apology for what I did and I’d like to do that.”

Finn shook his head. “It’s in the past now, Cal.”

“Sure, but that doesn’t mean I should be let off the hook.” It would’ve been a lot easier if it did mean that, but I’d never been one to take the easy way out. “I am sorry, Finn. I’m so incredibly, indescribably fucking sorry. What I did was wrong and it doesn’t matter how I’ve justified it all this time, it was wrong and I should never have done it. I take full responsibility and I accept that I can’t change what I did in the past, but I can promise you that nothing like that will ever happen again. You can trust me. I know you don’t yet, but I’ll earn your trust back, little brother. Even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Dad watched silently, not intervening but taking me in like he was trying to decide if he could trust me again. I turned to him, needing to include him in the next part. “I’d also like to thank you both for cutting me some slack these last few weeks, for allowing Ella and me to attend all those events, and for making her feel as welcome as you have. I didn’t deserve it and I hope you know how appreciative I am.”

Finn drew my attention back to him when he blew out a deep breath, his eyes on mine as he shook his head again. “You shouldn’t be thanking us for that, Cal. I never should’ve isolated you from your own damn family to the extent where you felt the need to say thank you for it. I’m the one who should be apologizing, really. At the very least to Mom and Dad, and to Freya for putting all of them in the middle of it.”

“You had every reason to do it,” I said. “I understand that now. I fucked up, Finn. In a big way. It’s taken me too long to acknowledge that. I wouldn’t have wanted me around either.”

“Yeah, thanks, but it’s still your family too. I shouldn’t have forced them to take sides. Either way, thanks for bringing it up. I’ve been wondering if we were ever going to be able to have a real conversation about it.”

“I’m proud of both of you,” Dad said, his voice gruff but sincere. “Get it all out now, though. Just in case someone’s temper flares up and you need time to calm down. Freya will be overjoyed that her wedding has brought reconciliation, but not if one of you winds up pushing the other into the fire now that you’re talking about it.”

I chuckled, raising my hands to show him my palms. “I won’t be throwing Finn into a fire today. I swear. I just wanted to clear the air. It felt like a good time to do it. I’m hoping we’ll be able to enter the new year with a clean slate.”

“Same,” Finn said, surprising me when he smiled. “I’m fucking sick of hanging onto all that anger. It feels good to be able to let it go. Truth is, I’ve been feeling like shit about isolating you so much for a long time now, but I wanted you to feel the same way I did. I wanted you to hurt. It wasn’t fair, considering that you’re as related to them as I am, but it was the only thing I could think of that I knew would make you feel the same pain. In hindsight, I would’ve done it differently, but we can’t go back.”

“No, we can’t,” I agreed, grinning right back at him. He was right. It really did feel good to let it go. “Again, though, I deserved it. I did a shitty thing to my baby brother and you were right to want to hurt me back. I should’ve been protecting you, not piling onto the hurt.”

Finn leaned forward and held out his glass for a toast. “Truce?”

“Truce.” I clinked my glass against his, then against Dad’s when he joined in. As I stretched my arm out, I caught sight of the time on my watch. I took a drink, then set the glass down. “It’s time to go, gentlemen. You think Jim is feeling better yet?”

As one, we all turned toward him and his friends at the bar. He was all smiles again, clearly nervous and sweating bullets, but it looked like they’d managed to talk him off the ledge.

We made our way to the ceremony site outside, and I paused in the door for a moment to take it in. This was my sister’s fucking wedding day, and while I couldn’t quite believe she was getting married, I was proud of her for how she’d managed to make it her own.

Like Freya had said, the ceremony was being held under a clear tent with outdoor heaters, the entire thing decked out in Swarovski crystals. It was snowing, which looked beautiful under the tent as the bridal procession started to enter once we’d all taken our seats.

It was a magical moment, sitting in the front row and turning to see the doors open, classical music filling the air as the girls appeared one by one. Then Ella was there and she took my breath away, dressed in powder blue and carrying a bouquet of white flowers.

For just a moment, I was completely swept away as I watched her walking down that aisle, imagining a day when the flowers wouldn’t be the only thing that would be white and she’d be walking down the aisle to me instead of as a witness for Jim and Freya.

The reverie was broken when Finn gave me a nudge and leaned in closer. “You’re a lucky man, bro.”

I grinned, in complete agreement with him until I remembered that it wasn’t real. Our contract would come to an end at midnight tonight. With her attendance at the wedding, all the terms had been fulfilled and she’d be receiving her payment in the morning.

Unless I did something to stop her from leaving, Ella would be gone from my life tomorrow and I’d never see her again. The realization hit me like a freight train, leaving me dizzy and obliterated on the inside. This was it.

This might very well be the last day I got to spend with her, and I definitely wasn’t ready for it all to end. Not even close. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.

44

ELLA

At around seven p.m., the ceremony was over and we were at the reception, and I still couldn’t take my eyes off Calan. It’d been hours since I’d seen him for the first time today, and yet, I still couldn’t get over how much more authentically himself he was today as he celebrated with his family.

There was a lightness to him I’d never seen before. He was constantly smiling, joking around with friends and family, and honestly, he was the life of the party. Best of all, every time he looked at me, he lit up even more.

I had no idea if I was imagining it, but to me, it really looked like he felt the same way about me as I did about him. That he knew what we had was real and that the contract coming to an end didn’t mean anything anymore.