Page 82 of Fake It For Him

“Thank you.” I gave her a squeeze before I got up to collect the gift. I hadn’t even opened it yet when Ross said my name again.

He held out a long box, wrapped in beautiful golden paper with a red ribbon tied around it. “Davina and I got you something too, honey. We hope you like it.”

Surprised and beyond moved, I was a little tearful when I opened it to find a gloriously soft, fluffy robe. As I trailed my fingers over the fabric, another wave of emotion crashed into me.

“Thank you so much,” I managed to get out, hugging her before I excused myself to go to the washroom.

Once I was locked away inside it, I wiped away the tears that had started falling as I’d hurried down the hall. Grief swept over me as I stood there, gripping the sides of the vanity with my head hanging forward and my shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Christmas was always hard for me. I missed my parents every day, but it was so much more intense this time of year, the longing wrapping itself around my insides and strangling my heart. I missed my mother’s hugs and my father’s Dad jokes on Christmas morning. I missed the traditions we’d shared.

As I stood there, I imagined them sitting in their living room right this moment, sipping tea and snacking on cranberry lemon loaf just like we did every Christmas morning. Michael Bublé Christmas tracks echoed through my mind and I could practically see the tinsel dangling from our tree branches, tempting our cat, Boots, to whack it every time he ran by.

I missed them so much that my chest felt like it was cracking in half, my lungs refusing to function properly. After I’d stayed in the bathroom for as long as I could without cluing anyone in to my anguish, I finally managed to collect myself enough to rejoin the festivities.

When I opened the door, Calan was standing in the hall, waiting for me. His deep brown eyes met mine, concern etched in the lines around his mouth and eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Christmas is just hard,” I admitted in a soft, small voice. “I miss my family and how things used to be before I blew my life to smithereens. Guess it just hits a bit harder this time of year.”

He nodded, wordlessly wrapping me up in a tight, comforting hug. Calan held me for a long time, lending me some of his strength to get through the rest of the day.

As he was releasing me, Finn came down the hall. He looked between us, worry in his eyes when he seemed to realize I’d been crying. “You okay?”

“Fine,” I lied. “It’s just, uh, it’s not easy spending Christmas without my parents, is all. It’s nothing to worry about.”

His gaze darted to Calan before it came back to mine and he offered me a warm smile. “Good. I’m glad you’re not crying because of him.”

Calan rolled his eyes, but before he could say anything, Finn spoke to me again. “Look, I’ve been meaning to apologize about not welcoming you into the family more warmly. I had some unresolved anger toward Calan, but I can see that you’ve helped him grow and I’m really glad you’re around, Ella. I’m sorry I haven’t been better to you. My feelings toward my brother didn’t involve you. I should’ve been friendlier.”

He clasped Calan’s shoulder and turned to face his brother. “I’m happy for you, bro. And I’m glad you’re back around more often. The past is in the past, right?”

I looked up at Calan just in time to see his jaw slacken, surprise in his wide eyes. He nodded at his brother. Joy bubbled in my veins when Calan took Finn’s outstretched hand and shook it, and I wondered how he felt right now. What it felt like to finally have that forgiveness.

It was a Christmas miracle that gave me a tiny bit of hope. Perhaps next year, it would be my turn for one of those. It was unlikely, but right now, that hope was the only thing I had to cling to. If not next year, then maybe the year after.

I didn’t know. I just hoped that one day, I’d receive forgiveness too. That one day, I too would be able to feel like a part of my own family again.

43

CALAN

The wedding day had arrived and the grounds hadn’t been this busy for a long time. People were already arriving, a continuous stream of cars entering through the gates I could see from the private room in the distillery that had been designated as Jim’s space for the day.

Jim, his father, Finn, our father, and I, as well as a few of Jim’s closest friends who were part of the wedding party, were sipping whiskey, hanging out until the ceremony was scheduled to start. I smiled, stepping away from the window and turning to face the others again. “This is going to be one hell of a New Year’s Eve. You guys sure did know how to choose a date.”

Jim was suffering from a case of natural, pre-wedding jitters, questioning everything from his cufflinks to their sanity in having chosen New Year’s Eve for their nuptials. We were all trying to talk him up, but nothing seemed to be helping.

He glanced at me, blanching when he saw all the cars rolling in. “We invited too many people. Why did we think so many people would want to celebrate New Year’s at our wedding? We⁠—”

I arched a brow at him. “Look at all those cars, Jim. Just look at them. All those people are here because there’s nothing else they’d rather be doing to usher in the New Year. I meant what I just said. What better way is there to celebrate the arrival of a new year than to watch two people you love tie the knot? Personally, I think it’s going to feel like a good omen for the year ahead for everyone who’s here.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice strained and agitated as he tugged at his collar.

Finn stepped up beside me, nodding at Jim as he picked up seamlessly from where I’d left off. “We’re sure, Jimbo. People are always looking at the shit going on around them to judge what the new year is going to bring. If there’s a storm and fireworks get called off, boom. It’s going to be a crap year. If people are all happy and celebrating without any drama, then yay. We’re going to have a great one. This? You guys in love and with all the romance in the air? It’s going to make people feel like it’s going to be the best year yet. That’s why they’re all here.”

“Besides, they could’ve just declined your invite if they didn’t want to be here for it,” I added. “Relax, bro. Everything is going to be awesome and your cufflinks are fine.”

They were too shiny for my taste since my sister had Swarovski custom make them for him, but at least he was going to fit in with the rest of the décor. As Jim nodded, his dad and some of his boys took him over to the bar in the far corner of a tasting room that had been turned into the groom’s suite.