Page 62 of Unfettered

“What are you sorry for?” he asks carefully, cautiously.

“For treating you like a child, one who can’t make his own decisions about what is best for himself. For almost killing one of the men you love, because I wanted to be right. For trying to take away the only other parent you’ve ever known. I’m sorry for not being a better father, Roman. For all the times I disappointed you growing up. For ever making you feel as if you were living in my shadow, because you surpassed me years ago. Maybe it was jealousy, since you have always been your own person. Free, in a way I never got to be. And I am so fucking sorry for ever making you feel as if who you are is not enough.”

Tears roll down his cheeks, and I hate making him cry, but that he feels so comfortable with me, despite everything, to let me see his pain? I’ll hold that close, because it means maybe I haven’t completely fucked up.

“I’m proud of you, Figlio. Sei la cosa migliore che abbia mai fatto. Essere tuo padre è un onore.”

“I love you,” he whispers. “And…I’m working on learning how to forgive you.”

I offer him a small, fragile smile. “I love you too, Roman. Take all the time you need. I’m not saying this to be forgiven. Just know, I trust you, and I am honored to serve the Council.”

He sniffs and looks away for a moment before meeting my gaze again. “I’m sorry too. Sorry I didn’t realize what was happening to you and Allesandro. I’ve been bullied, I know how it feels, and I am ashamed I allowed it to happen under my roof.”

“You’ve had a lot going on. I don’t blame you.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not an excuse. As a leader, I need to do better. Lio is pissed, and he has every right to be. I’m upset as well. I… Fuck, without him, I’m not sure I would be able to see the situation clearly. You’re a blind spot for me.”

“I don’t blame you, Roman. For anything,” I repeat. “Being a Boss is hard, and building something new from the ground up is even more difficult. I am proud of you, Carter, and Emilio. You’ve done something no one else in this world would have the courage to do, and you’re making it work. Be proud of yourself, and your choices. Don’t focus on the negatives, not when the positives outweigh them.”

His face crumples and he reaches for my hand, taking it in both of his. “That’s the Cristian I grew up with. The one who always had the right thing to say, and who could calm my nerves almost instantly. The one who, instead of getting upset with my bodyguard for detouring and buying me ice cream after a bad day, kissed him. I…am working with my therapist on things. It’s still early days…fuck, I can’t even have a session without Lio being with me, but I want to get better. To learn how to manage my emotions, and maybe process things that have happened, that I chose to shove aside rather than deal with. I…want to see one of the therapists with you, too.”

I nod instantly. “Carter and I already discussed it, and yes. I’ll do whatever you want, Roman. Whatever it takes. I won’t fail you again, Figlio, I promise.”

He gives me a wobbly smile. “We failed each other, I think. But I’m ready to try. To…have a real relationship with you again. If that’s what you want.”

“More than anything, Figlio. More than anything on this Earth. I love you, and want you to be happy. I’ll do everything for you.”

“For yourself too,” he says softly. “I know the sacrifices you made for me, Ten, Carter, and even Doc. Now, it’s time to take care of yourself.”

I swallow and look down to the plate of pastries in my lap, smiling a little at how thoughtful Sandro is. How he shows his love in acts of service, and how he deserves more than I’ve been able to give him thus far. For him, and for myself, and for the son I absolutely don’t deserve, I need to do better. I will.

Looking up at Roman once more, I offer him the most genuine smile I ever have. “Yeah, Figlio. I think I’m ready now. For real this time.”

The relief on my son’s face is enough to break me, but it also gives me the strength to move forward. Finally.

Ifinish putting on the suit that Antonio brought me, and stop to look in the mirror. The reflection staring at me tugs on so many memories that it overwhelms me. The mighty Il Padrone. When there could only be one.

The pain my father put me through. The refusal to be like him. To build the Martelli name into something respectful. My collection of Boys, who I’d give anything for… And who left. I touch the mirror, almost as if I’m waiting for the man to disappear.

I knew you would be the one to break our Family. To ruin everything. Disgusting.

I wince at my father’s voice. Yet, the truth within it hits me hard. For a moment, I felt like my old self, only to have it snatched away. A reminder that the Martellis are no more, that I’ll never be a leader again… I’ll never be anything again.

I can’t say it’s anything more than I deserve. Fuck knows I’m lucky to be alive. Still, seeing my life’s work destroyed…

Generations. Gone. You destroyed everything we worked hard for in this life.

I jolt at the sudden hands on my shoulders, pulling me back to reality. I try to muster a smile for Tennant as I meet his eyes in the mirror, but it’s strained. The past still grips me hard, my father’s invasive voice twisting everything inside me.

“What’s on your mind, Sweet Boy?”

I shudder, dropping my gaze. I…I can’t look at him. Not with the massive waves of emotions crashing through me. I’m not worthy of it… Not worthy of him. Fuck. Maybe I shouldn’t have been allowed to live.

I should have killed you when I had a chance.

Flinching from my father’s voice, I struggle to stay in the present, but can’t. Not when it’s too much. Not when my father has his fingers wrapped around my treacherous brain.

I’m quickly whirled away from the mirror, Tennant’s fingers gripping my chin and forcing me to look at him directly. My breath catches at the blazing stare that sears into me. Fuck. That intensity…it takes my breath away.