Page 19 of Bear My Heart

"Watching you eat entire doughnuts in two bites, I guess." Shanti finished the twist, drank some more coffee, and studied the remaining doughnuts longingly. She couldn't realistically eat more than one more, and had to decide which one to go with. Jam, maybe, but which kind of jam… "Honestly, I don't know. I showed you around the whole town the other night. I could do it again but in daylight. Although we'll have to carry a box of doughnuts around."

"You say that like we're not going to finish them before we leave the shop."

"There's thirteen of them!"

"There are only nine left," Peter pointed out cheerfully. He got up and got a wooden knife from the tableware kiosk on the shop's far side and came back to neatly cut a quarter out of the strawberry jam doughnut. Shanti watched in fascinated bewilderment as he did the same with all three of the others, then arranged them tidily on his plate before handing it over to her. "You looked like a woman who couldn't decide which jam flavor she wanted. Now you can have them all."

Shanti gave a startled laugh. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." Peter watched in satisfaction, working on his own doughnuts as Shanti started with the blueberry, which she was almost sure was her least favorite, and worked her way through the raspberry, strawberry, and blackberry before groaning.

"They're all so good."

"Need another quarter of each?" Peter hovered the knife over the jam doughnuts and Shanti made a sound of protest that wasn't very convincing.

"Maybe just the raspberry and blackberry. I think they're my favorites. But then I have to stop or I'll explode."

"I'm prepared to sacrifice myself in the name of jam doughnuts so you don't explode." Peter cut another quarter off the two she wanted and then, after lifting his eyebrows to make sure it was really okay for him to eat what was left, popped the remaining raspberry half in his mouth. His eyes closed blissfully again, and when he'd finished it, he said, "If all the food in Virtue is this good I'm going to need everybody here to move to Shkalnik. Although I guess it'd be easier if I moved here."

Shanti, without thinking about it, said, "Oh, don't do that!"

CHAPTER 10

If asked, Pete would admit that he was testing the waters, hoping that Shanti Davis would light up at the idea of him moving to Virtue, so her oh don't do that came as a genuine surprise. He blinked at her, and she wrinkled her nose, gaze dropping in already-familiar shy embarrassment.

"I mean, I dream about getting out of here," she whispered, then looked up with a nervous smile. "Don't give me a reason to want to stay."

"I never liked it here anyway," Pete said without missing a beat, and Shanti's beautiful, soft laugh rolled over him.

"But that's not fair either, is it! It's a nice town. It's just…" Shanti glanced toward the plate glass window behind him, and Pete turned to follow her gaze. The bazaar workers had another dozen booths half built, and there were kids playing across the enormous square, their adults watching from a distance. There wasn't much vehicle traffic yet, but there were a lot of people out, enjoying the snow-covered town center in the bright morning sunshine. Customers were coming in and out of the doughnut shop, the old-fashioned metal bell jingling as the door opened and closed. It looked, sounded, and, thanks to the cinnamon scent of doughnuts in the air, even smelled, almost picture-perfect. Pete could all but hear Shanti's recognition of that in her sigh.

"It's just you've had to stay here a long time," he suggested. "It doesn't matter how nice a place is if there's some reason you can't leave."

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," Shanti said, and this time her voice was ragged, as if she held back tears. Pete turned to face her again, offering his hand, and she put hers into it without hesitation. "I don't mind having cared for Gran and Gramp. I really don't, I'm so grateful for the time with them, and I'm really glad my education let me do it well. But I'm so tired of being…me," she finally said, hoarsely. "I just want to go be someone else for a while. And I know I can't really do that."

"Why not?" Peter asked softly.

She gave a rough little laugh and pulled her hand back to wipe at her eyes. "Because wherever you go, there you are. I'm not a very exciting person to begin with, so even if I could afford to run to the far end of the earth I'd still be me."

Pete shook his head. "I don't know. You might be right, but from what you've told me so far, it sounds like you've been helping take care of your grandparents since you were a teenager? I don't know how old you are," he added hastily. "But you don't look all that old."

Shanti laughed again, this time a sort of endearing wet snort. "I'm twenty-eight. And you're kind of right, I mean, they weren't sick when I started college, but they weren't well, and I really focused on getting through school so I could be there for them."

"So you've basically been being responsible since your late teens," Pete said again. "Maybe you're more exciting than you think you are. Maybe you just haven't had the chance to find that out."

"I'm pretty sure at this point I'm just stuck with this. I know twenty-eight isn't that old," Shanti said, sounding tired now. "It's just, if you've been doing a thing for ten years, I don't even know how you stop. By getting on the train and going so far away you can forget who you used to be? Sure, maybe. If you have the money." She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. "But never mind all that. I'm being mopey and that's not how I want to spend the day. Sorry. You're easy to talk to, which is a little weird for me. I don't usually trauma dump on strangers. Or anybody."

"We all need someone to talk to, and I don't think I'd call any of this a trauma dump." Pete gave her what he hoped was an encouraging smile, and got her small soft smile in response. "Anyway, I like to hear about you. You seem pretty great to me."

"So do you. I feel like I've known you forever. In a good way, not in an 'oh god, I can't avoid my elementary school best friend in this small of a town' way."

Peter laughed. "I feel that way too. In a good way, yes. Look, since you've shown me around town, is there anything you like to do that you haven't gotten to in a long time?"

"Oh…" Shanti closed her eyes, thinking about it, and to Pete's not-so-secret delight, she also reached out until she found another of the half-doughnuts that was left, and nibbled on it as she thought. "Ice skating on the river, but it won't be frozen up enough for weeks. Do you ice skate?"

"Do I ice skate," Pete said in a deep, amused voice that made Shanti open her eyes and lift her eyebrows.

"What? It's not a strange question! Lots of people don't!"