Page 78 of A Lie so Pretty and Poisonous

She grabbed my hand. “Rory, you’re my friend. We haven’t known each other long, but I can see what a beautiful soul you have and what an amazing mother you are. I always take care of people who are important to me. You and Cora are important to me.”

“Thank you,” I said in a low voice. I couldn’t even express how much her friendship meant to me. A woman my own age, and a noble at that, who genuinely liked me. She was a gift from the gods.

I wrote down all the ingredients I needed and handed them to Anya. “If they don’t have it all, I gave alternatives in case they had a different herb instead.”

“Sit tight, and I will be back soon. Go change and sit by the fire in the meantime. I'll bring you some tea as well.”

She walked to the door, and before she could open it, I blurted out, “Anya? Thank you for your friendship. It means more to me than you know.”

“No, thank you, Rory. I don’t think you realize how much I needed you and Cora in my life.” She closed the door with a quiet click.

I nodded off on the sofa in the sitting room, the fire lulling me into a fitful rest, battling with my never-ending thoughts, when a soft knock made my eyes shoot open.

“Thank goodness, you’re here. I need…” I opened the door with a jolt. Darragh stood rigid, brows creased, and arms folded in front of his chest. I couldn’t tell if he was angry, confused, or about to hurt me.

I blinked. “Darragh?”

“Expecting someone?” His voice was steady but wasn’t exactly friendly either.

“Yes. Anya.”

He held my gaze but said nothing.

“Please, come in.” I gestured to the room beyond.

“No.” His voice held no warmth. “I have something to do this evening. I wanted to make sure you were back in your room safely.”

“Oh. Alright.” He was frighteningly still. “I⁠—"

“I told Gabriel that I took you to Toolock Farm, that I got intel there about humans in the west, and that I tracked down seraphs in a western forest who mentioned a shipment. I didn’t tell him you were with me, and I left out names to protect the staff. I am not taking this information lightly, my lady. Even if you think I am.”

My lips parted, eyes rounded. “Darragh, I never wanted you to have to resort to that. I have kept that secret from him to protect you and Lyrik. Also, ‘my lady?’” The propriety felt like hands squeezing my neck.

“Yes, and you wanted Gabriel and me to work together, so now I made the first move and told him what I knew. You got what you wanted out of me.”

My stomach turned, and I shook my head. “It isn’t like that at all. I was angry, not at you, but at Gabriel and myself! My anger was directed at Gabriel. I felt guilty the moment I left about what I said to you.” I lowered my head and twisted my fingers. “I am embarrassed about what you saw happening in the hallway, and it turned into me lashing out. It was never meant for you. I never meant to let it get as far as it did with Gabriel, but I have no interest in him. You must understand…I am trying to protect my daughter.”

He hiked his one eyebrow up, staring at me, searching me. “Have a good evening.”

My breath hitched. “Please. I am so thankful for everything you have done for me.” My voice rose in panic. I couldn’t lose him. His friendship. The building connection we had. “I…” My heart pounded. “I need you in my life. Not to get back home or collect information, but because…because I feel a pull to you, damn it! Don’t you feel it?” Tears welled in my eyes. Perhaps I admitted too much, but I would concede to him my vulnerability. Not only to let him see how sorry I was but also to stop hiding my feelings for him.

His stoicism dropped briefly. A blink of something I didn’t recognize flickered across his features, but he pulled right back into a state of indifference. I took a step toward him. He took a step back, maintaining his distance. A fracture slowly moved across my heart as a well of emotions filled up inside me. Longing but also fear that our connection had been irreparably damaged by my own anger and stupidity.

Darragh inclined his head. “Goodnight, my lady.” He turned and strode into the darkness of the hall before disappearing around a corner and out of my life. Heart hurting. Guilt consuming. I poured myself out to him, and I had been made a fool. I couldn’t stop staring down the hallway in hopes that he would come back.

Anya approached as tears spilled down my face. She blinked at me wide-eyed. “Rory? What in the world just happened? You are positively flush with emotions. It's overwhelming.”

I shook my head as I tried to pull myself back together. “I just need to rest.”

“I brought you everything. Let me help you.”

“No, I am fine. I want to be alone right now,” I sniffled, wiping away my tears.

She handed me the ingredients and a mortar and pestle that I requested. “I will be back to check on you in the morning. Don’t you dare try to hide from me. Something happened, and you’re going to tell me. This is what friends are for.”

I silently closed the door as she strode back down the hall. I hurriedly made my tonic between my sobs and tears, guzzling it down.

The tonic took hold quickly, and I didn’t want to wake Cora, so I opted to sleep on the sofa. It was a tonic for a dreamless sleep, but the dreams came anyway.