Page 65 of No Going Back

To be fair, she’d said nothing about the timing that would lead Guy to any other conclusion. She shook her head, heart breaking for what she was about to confess, knowing beyond any doubt he wouldn’t be able to bear being around her once he knew.

“The baby was yours, Fawkes.”

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“It looks like you got as little sleep as I did.”

For a heart-stopping moment, he thought Maddie might shut the door in his face. Thankfully, she opened it wider, a silent invitation for him to enter. He followed her in and closed the door behind him.

“Would you like a coffee? I was just about to pour some.”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all.” She glanced in the direction of the seating area in the luxury suite. “You might as well sit down.”

He took a seat on the sofa. Stomach tied in a tight knot, he doubted he’d ever been this nervous in his entire life. Unable to relax, he leaned forward, hands clasped between his knees, elbows resting on his thighs. This wasn’t going to be easy—then again, nothing worthwhile ever was.

She set the strong, black brew down in front of him, and took a seat in the armchair. As she sipped her own drink, Guy figured he might as well do the same. He couldn’t help but smile at the first taste—she’d prepared it exactly the way he liked it.

He was about to open the conversation, but Maddie spoke first.

“I’m sorry about last night. I thought I was ready to have that discussion, but it turns out I wasn’t.”

“I don’t think it’s the kind of conversation anyone is ever ready for.” He put his cup down. “It happened that last night we were together?”

She nodded. “Contraception’s been known to fail. The signs were there, but I was in denial, I suppose, right up until Mikhail made me face the truth. He was a widower when I met him. His daughter was a young adult by then, but he remembered what that pregnancy had been like for his wife. He spotted the same signs with me. He gave me a choice—he’d facilitate my return home, or protect me if I wanted to remain in Moscow and continue with the mission.”

“Did London know about your relationship with Petrov? Did you tell them about the baby?” If the answer to the latter was yes, he’d kill every last one of the bastards who hadn’t ordered her back immediately.

She shook her head. “I didn’t want them to know—about either. I guess I should have told them about Mikhail at least, but my instincts told me not to. I hadn’t thought it through to what I’d do when I did eventually return—assuming I survived—but it became a moot point a few months later when I went into premature labour.”

Raw wounds opened up inside him. He hadn’t been there when she’d needed him most. The spectre of if-only hovered by his shoulder once more. “Was Petrov there when…?”

She nodded. “I felt so guilty. About Natalya—”

“That’s what you called her?”

Maddie nodded. “Natalya Summer. I gave her that middle name for you—it was the closest name I could think of without giving too much away.”

His self-control could take only so much. Without another word, Guy covered the space between them to kneel in front of her. With his arms around her shuddering body, the final walls between them shattered.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed into his shoulder. “When I lost her… Mikhail was there when I went into labour. He was so good to me, but I wanted him to be you. He didn’t deserve that.”