Page 64 of No Going Back

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“Guy, I didn’t tell you everything that happened in Moscow.”

Maddie heard herself saying the words as if some external force had taken control of her voice. If she didn’t tell him the truth, the secrets she’d kept from her Master would only fester until they poisoned their relationship. And that was when, not if. If it spelled the end of that relationship now rather than at some undefined point in the future, so be it. After all, wasn’t it better to rip the sticking plaster off quickly?

“Does it matter? After all this time?”

He had a point. For a moment she wondered if she was doing this for her own benefit, rather than the good of their relationship. At the same time, though, he had a right to know. If it meant he hated her… that would be her punishment to bear, and one she deserved.

“I think it does.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” His arms tightened around her, effectively halting her exit from the bed.

“When I tell you what I have to tell you, you may not want to be anywhere near me.”

When his hold on her relaxed, Maddie didn’t know whether she was relieved or disappointed. Conscious of his gaze fixed on her, she sought the right spot from which to address him. This wasn’t the kind of news she had any right to deliver from the haven of his arms. She might never have that right again.

“I’ve never told you about why I was sent to Moscow.”

“You’ve avoided going into the details every time the subject’s come up. Why is that?”

“Things happened on that mission I… I’ve been afraid to tell you about, but you have a right to know.”

“This is what’s been bothering you?”

Maddie nodded. “I left the country on the day of my funeral. Bratva activity was increasing exponentially, so my mission was to follow the trail to Moscow and infiltrate the group at that end.”

“Hell, they sent you into that?”

He stood and advanced towards her. She backed away a step before she could stop herself. “Please. Let me say this before…”

“Before?”

“Before I chicken out.” And this ends up destroying us anyway.

Guy threw up his hands in a gesture of implied surrender. “Fine. Say what you need to, but understand one thing—it changes nothing between us.”

Maddie wasn’t so sure. What she had to tell him was way beyond anything he could imagine. “Please, sit down. Let me finish. You already know I was involved with Mikhail Petrov. When I met him, he was a senior officer in the Moscow police force. As for how I met him…

“I arrived in Moscow as Elizaveta Baratynskaya. My cover identity was a teacher with a dubious past. I gained access to the Bratva by offering my services to teach them English to a sufficiently high standard for them to pass as native speakers. Supposedly, it was to help them blend in more successfully in London.

“Our contact on the ground worked quickly to introduce me to the inner circle, but after that I was on my own. Within a few weeks, everything changed.”

She paused while a wave of nausea passed. She hadn’t thought about her mission in years, and would have given anything not to have to think about it now. Had she found her Master again, only to lose him once more? She folded her arms and hugged her stomach, swaying back and forth as if by doing so, she could somehow hold onto her ebbing courage.

Her obvious distress brought Guy to his feet, but she couldn’t allow him to comfort her. “No, stay there. Please. I have to tell you this.”

He hesitated, but did as she asked. God, she’d miss that protective nature of his.

“Everything happened at once. I met Mikhail, and he asked me out. I was still under surveillance by the Bratva—they were using my services, but they didn’t trust me. They saw this as an opportunity to obtain information from him. Pillow talk, and all that. At the same time, Mikhail told me he knew who I really was, a British agent sent to infiltrate the Bratva. He was a member of the high-profile team investigating them, so he suggested that we use the cover of a relationship to work together. I couldn’t find any reason to disagree. I knew something about the man, and I felt I could trust him.”

“I take it there’s more to the story than that.” Guy’s voice was calm, but not quite neutral.

Maddie nodded. Her arms tightened over her abdomen, in a futile attempt to quell the mass swirling in her stomach. There was no easy to way to tell him what came next. “He knew I was pregnant before I did.”

She’d always thought the way men reacted to pregnancy announcements on TV and in movies was exaggerated. It turned out that real life could be every bit as dramatic. Guy went white, and when he next spoke, she realised why.

“You had a child with him?”