Page 30 of The Need to Know

“I know.” I groaned. “I’ve been busy.”

“A five-minute chat wouldn’t hurt no one.”

My gaze drifted to Scorsese’s sleeping form, watching his belly rise and fall with his breathing. “I suck.”

“Oh yeah,” Alannah was quick to sing back. “You’ve got family who would love to hear from you more often.”

Alannah didn’t get it. She wasn’t there when it all went down. I could still sometimes hear my father’s harsh words, “Your sister is opening her heart to save the world, and you’re opening your legs to save your ego.”

“Uh-huh,” I let out.

“Look, I know you hate me, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it out on Mom and Dad,” Alannah reasoned. “You could call, or go over there and hang out.”

“I don’t hate you,” I rushed to say.

Alannah rolled her eyes, smirking just a little. “You’ve always been a terrible liar, Nas.”

I was. It wasn’t that I hated her. I hated not being good enough like her.

“Did you get those clothes I sent you?” I brought up instead.

Immediately she perked up. “Yes, I’m going to have the best wardrobe in Boston. It’s just too bad I don’t get out much.”

Alannah was at Harvard Med, an Ivy League school, because she only represented and deserved the best.

“Just because you’re in school doesn’t mean you can’t live your life,” I said. “It’s summer for crying out loud.”

“Speak for yourself. I follow your movie blog, and it’s updated regularly enough so I know you’re not getting out much either,” she countered.

Okay, so she was right. Fourth of July weekend and I was holed up in my house binging old Family Guy episodes. I could’ve done better. Really, I could’ve been recovering from some bomb D had I gone with the flow with Ezekiel Friday night. But I knew me. I was way too emotional to go through with it. I didn’t know how to turn my feelings off and focus on the pleasure of it all. I wasn’t built that way.

“Is it Corey?” Alannah asked gently, pulling me back to now.

“Huh?” Even at the mention of his name I felt icky.

She sighed. “Are you letting Corey run you out of your own life? Is he the reason you stay in and not go out?”

I couldn’t look at her. I was only two years older, but I wanted to be a strong big sister. Not weak over a man who’d played me. “He almost ran me out of a club the other night, but I stayed. I had a good time.”

“Good.” Pride filled my sister as her nostrils flared. “Fuck him.”

My hands were shaking and I fought to gain control over myself. He’d really traumatized me. Corey didn’t have to hit me to make me feel like a victim. The mind games and cheating were enough.

It wasn’t always about me though. “How’s Boston? Do you miss home?”

“Boston is cool. I’m still trying to branch out and be more social, because when school is in session between classes and studying, I’m exhausted.”

“You’re smart, Ali, you’ll make it through. I believe in you,” I told her.

My sister melted on screen before me and I was happy to see her working hard at her education and dream.

Still, I was curious. We both couldn’t be experiencing a drought. “So, how’s the guys?”

We weren’t alike. Alannah immediately blushed and bit her lip, acting completely shy. “Don’t tell.”

“I won’t,” I swore.

“I met someone.”