Page 86 of I’m Already Gone

“I don’t want to see Mom sad anymore,” Ollie says softly. The look of fierce protectiveness shining in his young eyes reminds me so much of Jake and how devoted he is to Lily.

I offer him a small smile, my heart aching with love for this boy, who, though not my biological son, feels like he is already mine.

“Me either, buddy.”

I turn to each of them and say, “Which is why I’m going to cut my hair too.”

Maddy gasps.

“I want to support your mother,” I explain, “so she doesn’t have to face this alone.”

“I want to support Mama. Can I cut my hair too?” Ollie asks.

I look at him and smile. “I don’t think your mom is going to like that idea, but you can be my little helper and make sure she’s comfortable. What do you think?”

His face lights up. “I can do that!”

“Then I’m cutting my hair too,” Jake proclaims, lifting his chin as if daring me to fight him on it.

“You don’t have to follow my lead, Jake. She doesn’t expect you⁠—”

“I know, Dad,” he interrupts. “But I want to.”

Pride swells in my chest as I nod in agreement. “Okay, then. Let’s plan to meet out on the patio in one hour.”

Lily

The evening sky sparkles with twinkling stars. A gentle breeze rustles through the trees, the branches swaying gracefully.

I glance over my shoulder to see Ethan gripping the clippers in his hand.

“Are you ready?” I ask.

He swallows hard as if grappling with an overwhelming wave of emotion. Turning his head away, he covers his mouth with his hand. A gruff sound slips from him, something between a sob and a sniffle.

My heart, already heavy, aches for him. This isn’t only my struggle; it’s his, too. He has to witness my gradual fading every day, and I can only imagine how unbearable that must be for him. If I were in his position, I would find it incredibly difficult to cope with the relentless sadness of seeing someone I care about in so much pain.

I reach out, touching his forearm. “Hey. It’s okay. I’m ready. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.”

In that simple moment of contact, his handsome face reveals a battlefield of emotions. It contorts to an expression of anguish for a split second before he quickly masks it, attempting to maintain his strength for the children and for me. But who is going to be strong for him?

He nods several times and blows out a ragged breath. I turn to look at my children, who are gathered in front of me on the ground, Ollie perched in Maddy’s lap.

With a click, the clippers whirl to life. As the blades glide against my scalp, a tear trickles down Maddy’s cheek. The first section of hair falls away, cascading down like a waterfall onto the pavers.

Another swipe, and another. I catch a glimpse of Jake, his eyes glimmering with unshed tears as he turns away. He pulls Maddy close, and she buries her face in his chest.

Oh, my babies.

I clear my throat. “Hey, guys. It’s only hair. It’ll grow back.”

They both nod, dabbing at their tears. Meanwhile, Ollie remains silent, his gaze locked on Ethan and the clippers in his hand.

“Shouldn’t have done this on a windy day, huh?” Ethan says through a strained half-chuckle, but I hear the sharp intake of his breath.

His breathing falters, turning into soft, wet sniffles that tug at my heartstrings. The clippers come to an abrupt stop. I glance back to see him stepping back unsteadily, his chest heaving.

I desperately want to wrap my arms around him and help alleviate his pain.