Page 120 of I’m Already Gone

“I understand my options, Ethan.”

“I’m going to give you two a moment,” the doctor says as she walks out the door.

Ethan and I continue to stare at one another. “It’s like you’re giving up,” he accuses.

“I’m not giving up.”

“Yes, you are!” he snaps. He rises to his feet and paces the small space, running his hands over his head. “You can fight this, Lily.”

“Fight for what?” I whisper, exhausted.

“For your children! For me!” he nearly shouts, hitting his fist to his chest.

“Ethan. You heard the doctor. There is no cure. The cancer cells are growing and spreading further. It has already spread to my lungs. Further treatment will be ineffective since the tumor isn’t shrinking. I choose to prioritize comfort, which means less time in hospitals, fewer side effects, and more time at home with my family.”

His face crumbles. The reaction is like a spear lodging its way into my chest. I hate to see him in so much pain, especially since we recently started to make things work between us. And now we’re ending before we’ve barely begun.

I hold out my hand. “Please come here.”

He watches me for a moment but does not move.

“Ethan,” I say in a softer tone, trying hard not to break down.

That snaps him out of his trance, and he slowly makes his way to me and kneels in front of me.

I take his handsome face in my hands and brush the pads of my thumbs against his soft skin. He closes his eyes as if he is soaking in my touch. A tear escapes, landing on my thumb, and I swallow a lump of regret.

“I know this is difficult, but I don’t want to suffer anymore.”

He opens his eyes, and the light in them has dimmed.

“I want to spend whatever time I have left with you, my children, my family, and my friends. Let’s make new memories.”

With a firm nod, he smiles in acceptance. “New memories,” he repeats.

Lily

“So, what’s going on?” Jake asks, eyeing Ethan and me skeptically.

Ollie sits between Jake and Maddy on the couch, while Ethan and I sit in front of them on the oversized plush ottoman. He holds my hand as I begin to speak.

“We came back from the doctor’s office and have some news.”

I pause and draw in a deep breath, struggling to find the words that will change my children’s lives forever.

Ethan squeezes my hand, giving me the strength I need to continue.

“They discovered that the chemo treatment wasn’t working, and that the cancer has spread to my lungs.”

Maddy blinks, once, twice, then tilts her head. “What does that mean? More chemo?”

I give her a sad smile. “No, sweet pea. No more treatments. I’m going to spend whatever days I have left getting as comfortable as possible and spending my time with all of you.”

“So, that’s it?” Jake explodes. “You’re giving up.”

“Jake,” Ethan warns.

Jake jerks his head to his father, his eyes blazing with anger. “Well, that’s what she’s saying, right?”