Page 68 of On Your Knees

“Oh, um… medium. I can pay—” I cut off at a sharp look from Ethan.

“Shoe size?” Patrick asks.

“Nine and a half. Usually.”

Patrick says, “Both your phones are on the counter.”

I glance over and see them, plus a charging cable.

“Thanks,” I say, feeling bad about my jealousy.

Ethan and I make our coffee then sit at the table on the long side. Patrick scoops the French toast off the griddle and plates it, setting the food in front of us. There’s maple syrup and butter waiting, and he goes back to grab a plate of bacon from the oven.

My stomach rumbles. “This is really nice.”

Patrick replies, “Best I could do.”

“It’s really nice,” I repeat.

Patrick nods, accepting my words this time. He goes back to the griddle as Ethan and I dig in. He brings us two more servings before he finally sits down with his own.

I’m sipping my coffee when he demands, “What the fuck is that?”

I look up in surprise, trying to find what he’s looking at. He’s looking at me. He’s looking at the white bandage that shows where my sleeve has fallen back.

Ethan warns, “Patrick, leave it.”

Patrick’s eyes squeeze shut for a second. “Tell me you didn’t do that, Ethan.”

“Patrick—”

“Ethan, if you did that—”

“He didn’t!” I shout. “I did! Don’t talk to him like that!”

It takes a moment, but then understanding lights in Patrick’s eyes. His dark eyebrows climb. “Oh fuck,” he mutters. “Jesus.”

I’m swiping frantically at my eyes when Ethan grabs my chair and pulls it closer, making it screech on the stone floor. He’s tugging me against him as Patrick is getting up.

“I’m sorry,” Patrick says. “I didn’t understand.” He walks around behind us and puts his hand on Ethan’s head for just a second then he puts it on mine. “I’ll go run the errands. I’m sorry.”

I curl into Ethan, huddling against him with my face in his lap as Patrick walks out through the patio doors. I grip the loose material of Ethan’s sweats.

“I don’t know why I did it,” I say quietly.

Ethan takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“I didn’t mean it,” I say, but it makes fresh tears spill because I don’t know whether that’s true. I think it’s true, but I know that I’m just saying it.

Ethan is silent for a long time then he says quietly, “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Levi, I…” Ethan trails off. It feels like he’s trying to say something, but it doesn’t come out. I tilt my head to look up at him. He looks confused, like he has no idea what he was trying to say. He sighs, giving up. “I’m tired. Let’s go to bed.”

“I didn’t mean it,” I say again, more sure this time.

Ethan’s fingers comb through my hair. “I’m just really glad you’re here.”