Page 35 of Second Chance Saloon

The moment she said his name out loud, her heart toppled over. Somehow, telling her mother about it made it feel real. Before, she could fool herself that she’d stumbled into a dream. Over the years she’d wished to see him often enough, so maybe her imagination got a bit overzealous. But this, now, somehow cemented that his presence wasn’t a figment of her grief.

Sharon gasped. “In your room?”

“In the hotel.” A ball of regrets in her throat cut off her air supply. “He’s here on his honeymoon.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. It must be torture to see him with someone else.”

Jackie sighed into the microphone. “It would be, though it shouldn’t. I have no right to feel anything after how I left things between us. But no, he didn’t get married. I’m not sure what happened, exactly. Either way, he’s here on his own.”

Silence stretched over the transatlantic connection. Her parents were in Croatia, unless she’d got their travel dates mixed up. She hadn’t spoken to them for over three weeks, give or take, which was quite unusual. They normally kept in touch, even if it was via text, multiple times per week.

The longest Jackie went without speaking to either of them was right after she dropped out of college and left Mitch. She needed time to figure things out, to come up with a new plan, when the life she’d imagined was no longer a possibility. A small, selfish part of her—the part hurting the most at the time—also couldn’t face speaking with her father. Not after what he’d hidden from her.

Sharon’s voice tore her from the memories. “How did it feel, seeing him again?”

How could it feel? A decade had passed, yet Jackie hadn’t forgotten the exact words immortalized in black ink on that stupid note she’d left him. She hadn’t even forgotten the exact spot where two fat tears splashed on the paper.

Mitch,

I’m sorry. I can’t do this. Don’t look for me, please.

Have the best, most extraordinary life. You deserve only wonderful things.

Jackie

She blew out her cheeks. “It’s … strange. I know it’s been ten years. And looking at him, I can see it. But … I don’t know.” She bit down on her tongue, stopping the words at its tip from tumbling out of her.

What was she going to tell her mother? That he was even more handsome than he had been at twenty-two? That her body was a stinking traitor and disregarded her better judgement every time she was in his vicinity? Or perhaps that the knowledge they could’ve been so very happy in another life was cutting her heart wide open anew every minute since she’d laid eyes on him again?

Leaving Mitch, the way she did that day, had haunted her from the moment she closed the door to his apartment. She had only turned to look at his sleeping form once, but that millisecond had been enough to shatter her heart completely.

The world had lost color when she woke up the next day to a life without him. Everything seemed dull, gray and hopeless. At the time, Jackie lost count of the number of times she curled up in a ball with her head on her mother’s lap, letting her tears flow freely. She hadn’t forgotten how often her mother had asked if she was sure this was the only way.

“You’ve never stopped loving him, have you?” Sharon whispered, and even though there was an audible question mark thrown in there, Jackie heard it as a statement.

She swallowed down tears. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

“Why do you say that? It’s been ten years and you’re still—”

“He’s moved on, Mom. There’s nothing more to it.”

“But he didn’t get married, you’ve said so yourself.”

Jackie inhaled sharply. “He was ready to spend the rest of his life with another woman. A woman he loved, no doubt. Because I know Mitch and—And he wouldn’t propose to anyone he didn’t truly love.” Her voice shook as the realization hit her square in the chest.

This. This was what she had to keep at the forefront of her confused mind. Mitch’s failed wedding and his solo honeymoon weren’t gifts from the universe to rekindle something that was already doomed. It was a reminder that he’d found love again after she’d broken his heart.

“The boy I knew would’ve never stopped loving you, honey,” Sharon said softly.

Jackie drew a lungful of air. “He wants to know why I left.”

Sharon sighed. “Will you tell him?”

“You know I can’t do that. Even though I made peace with it, I can’t put any of it on him.”

“Jackie, listen to me. I’ve never said anything, because I thought it wasn’t my place. You were hurt and went through something horrible. I was there for whatever you needed, without giving you advice or telling you what to do.”

Tears strained at her eyes, as memories swam to the surface of her mind again. “I know, Mom. You were the best. You are the best.”