Page 65 of Virtually Guarded

With that settled, I gave up trying to talk. His hands were on me, one touching me through my shirt and shorts, the other moving under the fabric to my bare skin. I didn’t try to track every move he made, because all of it was incredible. His gentleness, his need. I felt all of the things he was feeling, or maybe we were just feeling the same emotions. I couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter.

When he slipped his hand under the waistband of my shorts, I was lost. My dick was so hard it ached, my hunger so strong if he even breathed on my cock, I would probably come.

“Can I take these off?” he murmured, his lips moving against my side because that was where he’d taken his kisses. “I want to see you.”

“Yeah.” Pulled out of my daze by the request, I reached for the button on the shorts.

Ren swatted my hand away. “I asked if I could take them off.”

“Oh.” None of the very few partners I’d had had ever undressed me. Right now, with Ren, I was all about new experiences. “Go ahead, then.”

He quickly undid the shorts. I had to lift my ass off the bed for him to pull them down, and then I was there, half nude, with my mate staring and practically drooling at the sight of my cock resting against my abdomen. He licked his upper lip. “Fuck. I didn’t really look at you on hunt night, and my fantasies did not do you justice. You’re huge.”

“Am I?” It wasn’t as if I’d compared myself with other guys. I’d never seen the point.

“Yes.” He licked his lips. “Okay, let’s see what I can do with this.”

Again I gave up trying to talk as he peppered kisses on my abdomen and thighs, working his way closer to my cock and balls. Touching me, but not where I had a sudden desperate need to be touched.

I rested my hand on his head, and with a soft moan, he moved up to kiss my lips. “Touch me all you want. I like it.”

“Oh?” An odd thought came to me, and I nudged him. “Let me play with you while you suck me.”

“Ooh!” His face lit up, and he immediately moved so his feet were next to my head. The perfect position for me to slide my hand between his legs, but there was still a problem. Before I could point out that he was still dressed, he rose to his knees. “I should be fair, huh?”

“I’d like to see you. If you’re comfortable with it.”

He regarded me for a second, then shrugged. “I never am, really, but it’s okay.”

“No.” As much as my libido ranted about putting a stop to the action, I couldn’t just let that comment go. “It isn’t okay if you’re not comfortable. I want you to enjoy this.”

“Xavier.” He sighed and moved up to rest his head on my chest again. “Why are you overthinking this? I’m not comfortable with you seeing my body because it doesn’t feel like the body I’m supposed to have. It isn’t like, oh, I hate people seeing me naked. It’s…Shit, maybe it is that. But it’s because the body doesn’t match the brain, you know?” He frowned, then nodded as if he was answering someone. “I want you to see me.”

Abruptly, he rolled off the bed, ending up standing beside it, and yanked off his clothes. Except the binder. Arms outstretched, he showed me everything. And “everything” was appetizing as hell. He was slim, with sparse body hair the same color as the hair on his head. A tuft of hair sat between his slightly spread legs, and he ran his fingers over it. “There should be a dick here. There isn’t. That’s what makes me uncomfortable. It isn’t you seeing it. It’s what you aren’t seeing. Get it?”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t imagine how he felt, but I understood what he meant.

“And what do you think of what you see?” He got onto the bed and knee-walked toward me. “Honestly.”

“Honestly? It’s you.” I held out my hand. He took it. “Everything about you is gorgeous to me. Even the parts you aren’t happy about.” I looked into his eyes and saw confusion and a touch of aggravation. And something else I wasn’t going to try to name. “Is that okay? If I think you’re gorgeous?”

He stared at me. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes.”

“You think…Holy shit. No one’s ever said that about me.” He looked down at himself. “You’re throwing me for a fuckload of loops here, Xavier.”

He hadn’t answered my question. That seemed to be a trend. “Is it okay for me to think that? Or, I guess, to say it. I don’t need permission to think.”

“No, you can think whatever you want.” He bit his lip. “I think I like hearing it.”

“Good.” Smiling, I released his hand and folded my hands behind my head. “So what’s next?”

Chapter Fifteen: Ren

Xavier loved me.

Xavier thought I was gorgeous.