Page 82 of Letting Go at 40

I haven’t been able to stop my mind from racing with concern about Mason. Zack and Logan haven’t been able to tell me anything either. They’ve each had hit and miss text messages and phone calls with Mason.

Suddenly, the front door shuts. I hadn’t heard it open, and I hold my breath until Mason enters the room. His tall form fills the space. My heart and head are in conflict. On one hand, I’m so relieved he’s standing here, like a breath of fresh air, looking like the dream he is. On the other hand, I can’t seem to draw in enough oxygen. Anxiety fills me instead. Where has he been? Why hasn’t he reached out to me? And what happened now with Samantha?

Let me in.

He immediately catches my eye across the room, as if I’ve spoken aloud. Those beautiful blues are filled with a mixture of emotion, but sadness is the most prominent. He looks like he’s seen a ghost and the pallor of his skin is the same color as one. Darkness beneath his eyes is a stark hint that he’s exhausted.

Movement happens behind Mason’s thigh, and I squint at his long legs. His hand lowers and he reaches behind him for Lynlee. I’m immediately reminded of that day we spent together in October. Her quietness. Her soft smile. Her excitement finding a heart-shaped rock.

She’s focusing on everything in the room and nothing in particular until those eyes meet mine.

I swallow at the intensity in them.

“Everyone, this is my daughter, Lynlee.” She clings to Mason’s leg.

Autumn is quick to stand but slow to approach the hesitant girl. River and Zack remain seated. Jenna and I trade gazes before I look at the other children in the room.

Trevor has his eyes laser-beamed onto the new girl. He’d previously been focused on Rosie, who is too young to notice the sudden shift of attention. Something nearly palpitates off the nine-year-old as he observes this newcomer. I don’t think he feels threatened as much as curious. In awe, maybe. She’s beautiful, even at six.

Oliver’s head twists, his wild eyes full of confusion as he glances between his brother and Lynlee. Back and forth, back and forth. Then he gazes at Rosie. Conflict is written in his little expression. He’s only one boy. How will he protect them all from the shenanigans of his alpha twin?

Finally, there’s Talia, daggers in her eyes as her young ice-queen heart turns colder. She glares harder than normal at Trevor before staring at Lynlee. The girls are the same age. They’re too young for the drama of love and the potential of dating, but if I had to write a book about their futures, how things would play out for the next generation of Lakeside Cottage, it isn’t pretty.

It's still complicated among the adults, as Mason and I are now the only single people remaining among this crowd.

The last two standing in a sense.

If they only knew . . .

The other night comes to mind. The way he lingered over me, hovering like a heavy mist when all I wanted was to drown in the fog of him. Shivering, I suppress the urge to cross the room and pull Mason to me, tug him into my arms and settle the swirling emotions in his eyes.

“Where you been, man?” Zack’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.

Mason combs his fingers through his hair, which looks like he’s been doing it repeatedly for hours. “Later.” His voice is hollow, distant even. He keeps his focus on Zack for a long moment, as if telling him things only Zack can understand.

Lynlee’s equally haunted-looking, and I smooth the cushion beside me. Whatever is on her mind. Whatever haunts her heart. I want her to know I’m here for her. Glancing back at Mason and the haggard expression edged in his cheeks, I’m here for both of them.

Lynlee doesn’t move, so I pat the space beside me, tipping my head in invitation for her to join me. In my other hand, I hold a small heart-shaped rock. The same one I’ve carried with me from the beginning. Lynlee’s focus drops to the item in my hands and I hold it up between pinched fingers so she can get a better look at it.

The rock symbolizes so many things. Strength. Resistance. Perseverance. Love.

Eyes locked on the shape between my fingers, Lynlee slips away from Mason’s thigh and approaches me. I hold out my hand, sensing something fragile within her.

My gaze leaps to Mason who is watching his daughter walk to me. His eyes meet mine and hold. When Lynlee finally stands before me, my attention falls to her.

“Hello, beautiful girl.” Keeping quiet and low when I address her, her eyes remain on the heart-shape in my hand.

“Want to hold the rock?” I ask.

She looks directly at me, as if she’s afraid to ask permission. As if she doesn’t know what she wants. She’s a child who looks a little like her spirit has been broken.

When she doesn’t answer me, I hold out my palm, face up with the heart within it.

Take my heart, child.

She hesitates before reaching forward to run her finger over it.

“When you hold something like this in your hand, and rub at it, it’s very soothing. Calming even. Some say we can draw strength from rocks.” I glance at River. She’s into new-age things, finding purpose in nature. “It makes us stronger . . . braver even.”