Page 105 of Letting Go at 40

“I just miss him,” Mila mutters into my neck.

“I know, baby. Me too.”

I miss Ben every day and if I could bring him back, restore him to life to save them all from heartbreak, I’d smash my own heart to do it for them.

+ + +

Mila asks me to give her a few minutes and she races up the stairs to her room to change. I swipe two hands down my face, scrubbing off the conversation. As I descend the staircase, Anna stands near the bottom, just off to the side of the banister.

“Were you listening?” I ask.

“I didn’t mean to.” She shrugs in a manner so similar to her daughter. Or maybe it’s that Mila is a miniature of Anna.

“How’d I do?” I tip my head toward the upper landing.

“You were perfect,” Anna whispers. Her own eyes glisten but she fights back the tears. She steps up to me and slips her arms around my waist, and I hug her as tight as I hugged her daughter.

I’m here to take care of all my girls.

As we stand there hugging, the front door shoots open and Calvin rushes in.

“I made it,” he blurts, eyeing his mother still standing in my embrace. He’s wearing a tie and a dress shirt with nice pants and a leather jacket over the ensemble.

“Calvin, honey, what are you doing here?” Anna asks, stepping toward him.

“Mila told me she wasn’t going to the dance.” He pauses, eyeing me standing there, dressed myself in a suit, minus a tie. “But you’re here.” A question of curiosity lingers in his voice.

“I’m here.” For Mila. For him. For Bryce who is absent. And for Anna.

“Did you come home to take Mila to the dance?” Anna’s brows lift in surprise as her hands rub up Calvin’s arms.

“I did. I didn’t want her not going. I know it’s father-daughter, but I figured a big brother could stand in.” Calvin glances at me again, a puzzled expression still on his face. “Unless you are taking her.”

“How about if we all go? You, Mila, Lynlee, and me.”

“Is that what a double date is?” Mila asks as she walks down the stairs, and we all turn. She’s changed into a deep blue dress and tucked her hair up in a twist. It still looks like a messy bun with strands hanging out here and there, but that’s a look.

“Mila.” Anna exhales. “You look beautiful.”

Mila nears the base of the staircase wearing black Chucks and I smile to myself. She has a style all her own and I’m proud of her. She’s a good kid who’s testing the waters of being a teenager and I’ll have a lot to learn from her as I raise Lynlee.

“So, double date?” Mila asks, hitching a brow. Like a light switch flipped, she’s a new person in her dress and a smile.

Will I survive a teenage daughter?

I look to Calvin, who nods. “You look pretty, Meme.” He winks at her.

“I almost forgot.” I step toward the hall table where I set the corsage and open the package. “For your wrist.”

Mila cautiously removes the flowers as if they’re precious gems and not a few tea roses on elastic.

“I didn’t get you a flower.” Mila glances up at me, before guiltily looking at her mother.

“I can help with that,” Anna offers and tips her head, so we follow her to the kitchen. The Valentine flowers from a week ago have dwindled down to a few still holding onto their luster. Anna pulls two flowers from the vase, snips off the long stems and rustled around in a drawer before pulling out a few pins.

“Someone sent you flowers?” Calvin asks.

“Mason gave them to me for Valentine’s Day.” Anna works at securing a flower to her son’s shirt while Calvin glances down at her and then looks at me.