Page 93 of Loving at 40

“I’m hungry.” Her voice is groggy with sleep.

Jenna reaches toward her daughter, stroking a hand over her sleep-creased face to brush back the wayward hair covering her cheeks. While I’m still freaking out about our position and trying to calm my heart rate, I’m honored to be a witness to such a tender moment between mother and child.

“What time is it?” My own voice croaks from sleep. Jenna reaches for something on her nightstand and falls back to her pillow.

“Too early,” she grumbles. These little girls keep early hours. During the week, it makes sense as Jenna rushes around in the morning, but on the weekends, a few extra winks would be appreciated.

“Rosie, give Mommy a minute to get dressed, okay?” Rosie nods but remains standing by Jenna’s side while her mother shifts, dragging the sheet with her to keep herself covered.

I imagine this is a new situation for Jenna. She said she hasn’t been with anyone else since me.

Every caveman instinct in me says mine, and that goes for her girls as well.

“Rose warrior, how do pancakes sound?” With her thumb in her mouth, Rosie nods. “Can you meet us downstairs then?” Without another word, she turns toward the door, giving Jenna and me some space. Once Rosie exits the room, Jenna looks over her shoulder at me.

“What happened?” she asks, and I swipe two hands down my face before balancing back on my elbows.

“What do you mean?” I try to brush off her concern, but Jenna reads me better than anyone else ever has.

“You seemed scared.”

“Not scared,” I state a little too harshly. “Just paranoid, I guess.” For a moment there, I worried someone had entered the house and was coming after me. Coming for Jenna.

She shifts even more, placing a hand on my chest over my racing heart. “Are you okay?” Her cool fingers hint at the warmth of my skin and the clammy nerves that rattled me for just a moment.

“I’m fine,” I mutter and look at her. “You know I’d never let anything hurt you or the girls. Not ever.”

Jenna stares at me for a long minute. “Are we safe? Are you?”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever not look over my shoulder, but as long as I’m near you, nothing will get to you. We’re safe.” Someone will be keeping tabs on me. A shadow is somewhere out there, but it’s a necessary safeguard. I refused the witness protection program, but the department refused to let me go without some security. I reach for my medal against Jenna’s chest. She wasn’t wearing it with her sexy dress, but she must have slipped it on during the night. My fingers cross over the raised symbol.

“Always going to protect you,” I remind her and seek her eyes.

“Archer, you need to tell me if there’s something more out there.”

I nod. “But first, Rosie needs breakfast.”

Jenna groans. “You always have an excuse.” She shifts her position, giving me her back and taking more of the sheet with her, but I’m quick to circle my arm around her waist, bringing her to my chest and keeping her on the edge of the bed.

“I promise, Jenna, you’ll learn everything, but let’s just take things one step at a time. I don’t need to cram years into hours.”

Jenna stills, her head slightly lowered, and I press a kiss to her shoulder while she remains silent.

“Last night,” I whisper into her skin, pausing on the reminder of what I said. I don’t expect her to say those three words back to me. I don’t expect her to love me as quickly as I’ve fallen for her, but I don’t want her to take what I said lightly. “I don’t say those words. Ever.”

I didn’t say them to Viviana. I said a variation of them. I adore you, babe. I worship you, Vi. They were just words, like lines in a movie.

“I figured you were caught up in the moment,” she whispers, her voice small and hesitant.

I cup her chin and turn her head to face me. “That’s not what happened. With you, I mean everything I say when I say it. No pretending. I told you I haven’t loved before. That’s how I know this is it. You and I are different than anything I’ve ever experienced. This is real, Jenna. This. Is. Real.” My lips suck at her shoulder before I move in to kiss the crook of her neck.

When I glance up, our eyes lock, and I want to kiss her mouth. I want to assure her that what I feel is legit, but I accept that we need more time. I need more time to prove myself. Tipping my head toward hers, I rub my nose against hers as I’ve seen her do with her girls. That touch always seems like an exclamation point on her telling her daughters she loves them, and I want her to feel the declaration.

I love you!

Jenna’s nose moves in response to mine, and then she kisses me, short and quick. “I—”

I stop her mouth with a harder kiss, one that bears all I feel. I don’t want to hear she doesn’t feel the same or any other variation of rejection. I’ll take what she does give me, which will include more nights in this bed and more days with her little family.