Page 45 of Loving at 40

“I have connections.” His tone says he’s one-thousand-percent serious, and my thoughts race back to what he told me last night. “What I told you last night freaking you out in the daylight, ’Locks?” His voice drops. His gaze wavering over my face.

“No. I’m honored you told me,” I remind him.

His hand slides up my spine and cups the back of my head, and I’m waiting on him to tug me to him and kiss me senseless despite our agreement to keep things out of sight of the girls.

“Who wants the first batch?” I call out as if there’s any question. The griddle holds four, and I’ll give the girls two each.

“Princesses first,” Archer says, turning toward the girls who are both yelling, “Me.”

His hand squeezes on my scalp. “You have a good life, babe.” The statement isn’t directed at me but blanketed around the small space. He turns to gaze back at me. “Don’t let your past mess with your head.”

Would that advice work for him because it’s not my head I’m worried about.

It’s my heart.

+ + +

After breakfast, Archer disappears, and the girls and I go on our bike ride. We add Anna and Mila to the trip. As Mila rides ahead with Rosie and Talia, Anna and I keep together, coasting more than pedaling.

“She’s getting to the point where she doesn’t want to spend as much time with me,” Anna states of her pre-teen daughter. We both know it happens. One day, Rosie and Talia won’t want to hang out with me as much as they do. For now, as I’m all they have, they cling sometimes, and I have to remind myself they won’t want to be with me one day.

“She’ll come back.” As high school teachers, we’ve seen kids buck their parents only to become best friends with them again later in life. We’ve each been teaching long enough to have former students graduate college, get married, and become parents themselves. Some of my former students have children older than mine.

“I never appreciated my mother enough,” Anna states, but it’s simply not true. Her parents were once only hours away and often traveled to Chicago to experience all they could of their grandchildren. She’d been close with her parents, who have now been gone for awhile. “I need her through these years.” She softly chuckles, dismissing the statement that rests heavy with truth. My own parents moved to Florida years ago. Originally snowbirds, they eventually made Florida their permanent home.

“You’re actually doing great,” I remind her.

She doesn’t have to mention how much she needs or misses Ben. I know he’s next on her list. Her boys need a man to guide them, and every little girl needs her daddy. What she says next does surprise me, though.

“I wish Archer was more present.”

“I don’t remember you mentioning him much, other than being absent in your life. Were you close at one point?”

Anna chuckles, focusing on the girls ahead of us. “When we were younger, we actually were closer. Archer and Noah were friends as Zack and I were, and the four of us would hang out together, especially here. I was so shy, and those guys just kept me under their wings. Archer wanted to kill every boy who looked at me sideways, and Noah wasn’t any different. When Ben came along, he slid under their radar. Maybe because he’d befriended Zack so quickly. Ben made me stronger, bolder. Archer eventually told me Ben was the sword to my stone. He’d be my protector but strengthen my shell as well.”

I softly laugh at the brotherly protection, reminding me of my own thoughts earlier this morning. Archer is a protector.

“What happened between you and Archer then?” I ask.

“Archer was older than me and eventually didn’t want much to do with his younger sister. He went to college while I was still in high school, then went off to the police academy while I was in college. He worked locally for a while, and then he disappeared.”

“And no one knew where he was?” I can’t believe he hadn’t told his family anything, but he must have had his reasons.

“No one told me.” Anna shrugs. She mentioned her dad might have known, and possibly Ben. “Did you know that Ben sent my brother a letter after his death?”

“What?” I squeak.

“He wrote a directive of sorts to each of them. Logan, Mason, Zack, and Archer. My brother who’d been away from the family for years.” Anna scoffs. “Ben left him a message. Autumn sent it to him. My sister-in-law knew how to reach my brother when I didn’t. And then when he called me last summer, telling me he was coming home, he took an entire year to actually appear.” She huffs. “What an asshole.”

I bite my lip, knowing it isn’t my place to tell Archer’s story. “I’m sure he had his reasons.”

Anna wobbles on her bike as she peers over at me. “I’m sure he does. Probably had his dick up in some chick.”

“Anna!” I can’t believe she said that.

“Well, who knows where he’s been?”

“That doesn’t sound like something you’d say, though.”