Page 19 of Loving at 40

Autumn pinches her brows in confusion. “I’ve never been able to picture Archer with children,” she interjects. Ben’s sister owns a local café called Crossroads Café that specializes in breakfast sweets, custom sandwiches, and excellent coffee. Of note, she sells the most delicious raspberry bar I’ve ever eaten. “But now . . . I don’t know.” The brunette who has her brother’s blue eyes gives me a rather questioning glance before her gaze drifts back to Archer, who has Talia on his back while swinging Rosie through the waves.

“Parenthood can hit at the strangest time,” adds River, Zack’s fiancée and future mother of a baby girl. Zack already has twin sons who are eight and run a bit out of control at times, but River has a handle on them. She coasts a hand over her swollen belly. She has an earthy, easy vibe to her in her bikini and looks amazing as a pregnant woman on the beach.

I agree with River. I never thought motherhood would happen for me as I’d taken so long to find the right man to complete me. I was in my late thirties when I had the girls.

“I’m really sorry you missed Monday manicures and margaritas,” Anna adds because I had disappeared for the day. “I could strangle Archer.” She narrows her eyes at her brother frolicking with the children in the water.

“It was nice to spend a day with the girls.” I wave off her apology, knowing she blames her brother, but he was only a part of the reason we took off. While I spend a lot of time with the girls, especially in the summer months, not all of it is quality time. I welcomed a day to just chill, only the three of us, and let my mind rest from the morning’s excitement. “It was one of those great days that reminds you why you love being a mother.”

Autumn softly smiles. “I can’t wait for baby Ben to grow up, yet I don’t want to rush the days.” Autumn has quite a story about the start of her journey to motherhood, and I’m glad it all ended as a happily ever after. She rubs her soft belly where life number two begins.

Anna smiles at her sister-in-law. “The time goes so fast. In a blink, they’re teenagers and off to college.” A hint of melancholy hits Anna as she squints at her sons tossing a football to one another along the beach. They’re enduring the day as Anna asked them to spend a little time with their pseudo-uncles and the real one. She’s already explained that Uncle Archer is a stranger to her children. They don’t know where he’s been or what he’s been doing, and apparently, Archer is tight-lipped on explaining himself.

My thoughts drift back to our conversation last night and his medallion for protection. What has he endured over the years? What does he mean he’s done pretending? He’s such a mystery to his family and me. His presence says something, though. He’s here, but I wonder why. I haven’t missed how he favors his right side, wincing or flinching on occasion with his left leg. Did something happen to him? Why doesn’t anyone know anything about this man other than not envisioning him with children?

I glance across the beach to where he’s playing with my girls. He’s a natural. Or maybe he’s just a big kid. Watching him capture Rosie and lift her up, or teasingly splash Mila, he has a playful side he isn’t given credit for.

“Mommy, come swimming,” Talia calls out to me. Hesitantly, I stand and check all the spots on my bathing suit. Breasts contained. Butt covered. Front aligned. I walk across the sand, sinking into the soft grains, conscious of Archer watching me. Our near kiss lingers awkwardly between us. If Rosie hadn’t interrupted, I’m not certain what would have happened.

Actually, who am I kidding? I’d have kissed him. I wanted him to kiss me, yet the moment felt like a tease. Hovering over my lips. Asking me to stop him. Was this part of the pretending he mentioned? Was he joking that he would kiss me but had no intention of carrying through on our lips touching? I was so confused and didn’t understand why I cared. I had my girls to consider, my children to focus on. I didn’t need to be involved with a man, especially one who had a habit of disappearing.

Still, as he blatantly watches me enter the lake and head toward my daughter, I’m curious if he’s ever considered being a father, which seems like a ridiculous thought. Instead, I concentrate on being a good mom and playing with my girls in the refreshing water.

+ + +

By late afternoon, my girls have had enough sunshine, and my head is aching. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, too much sunshine, or day drinking. Perhaps a combination of all three. Either way, a migraine is working its way over my brain, and my left eye throbs in the socket. As I press my temple, Archer questions me.

“You okay, ’Locks?” I don’t know why he calls me such a name.

“I think I’m going to give the girls some shade and rest a while myself.” Talia rarely takes a nap although Rosie could still use them on occasion. However, if she does, she has trouble sleeping at night. While I hate that television is the virtual babysitter, sometimes a little downtime is necessary. I need to close my eyes.

“Dinner,” Autumn reminds me of the stipulation that all must gather for the meal. I smile graciously. My girls and I are being absorbed into this reunion, but I struggle with my position here. I’m supposed to be supporting Anna but haven’t actually been the companion she needs.

I quickly look at my college friend. “You okay if I go?”

“Of course. Rest. Relax. See you later.” Her smile reassures me, and I gather my little party of three. The climb of one hundred and fifty steps is a struggle, and Rosie is dragging up each riser. Midway, she wants me to carry her, but I’m juggling an oversized beach bag.

“I’ve got her.”

Archer’s deep voice behind me causes me to squeak. Where the hell did he come from?

“You don’t have to do that,” I say, hitching Rosie up to my hip but struggling as the bag slips down my other arm to catch in the crook of my elbow.

“Wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” He scoops Rosie out of my arms and attaches her to him. I’m expecting her to be all clinging and cry as she normally wants only me when she gets tired. With her thumb in her mouth, I’m waiting for the tantrum to start, but it doesn’t. She settles into Archer’s chest, covered by a T-shirt, and we proceed up the stairs. Surprisingly, Archer’s been wearing the tee all afternoon, even in the water. The outline of his silver chain underneath the occasionally wet material has not gone unnoticed by me.

Once we enter the coolness of the apartment, I ask Archer to set Rosie on her bed and guide Talia to a couch.

“What’s your plan, ’Locks?” Archer whispers to me, noting Talia’s position. He’s watching me rub my forehead, pausing to squeeze at my left temple.

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“Raven-haired beauty feels kind of long. And Goldilocks doesn’t fit with the dark hair.”

’Locks? Okay then. Heat fills my face.

“I’m just going to lie down.” I need a few minutes to get this headache under control. “And let Talia watch an appropriate movie.” Tipping up a brow, I glance at him, but that tweak to my left side shoots pain through my eye socket.

“You okay?” His hands come to his hips as he eyes me.