Page 100 of Silver Player

“Think that’s why Mom never married?” The question surprises me, and I shift against my own pillow.

“I think she just never found the one she thought was right for her and you.” My sister didn’t date much. I’m certain she had nights of commitment-less sex with acquaintances, but no one she ever brought home to Sadie.

“And you haven’t ever found the one either?” she asks. Sadie knows about my long-term relationship with Chad, and there were many questions at thirteen when we broke up, and I moved. It seemed easier to explain how people fall out of love than how people make a decision to fall in love.

“I haven’t met the one for me either.” Billy could have been him. He checks all the boxes with regard to Sadie, but the boxes are slowly unchecking for me.

Sadie weakly smiles at me. “What did Billy do?”

I don’t want to turn Sadie against her father, so I need to tread cautiously.

“Billy just wants to be involved in your life,” I begin. Not mine. Only hers. “As he should be. I didn’t know about the interviews he has scheduled.” I fault our child services advocate in this matter and can’t contact anyone until Monday, which is frustrating. “Did you know Billy was seeking custody?”

Sadie shakes her head. “He’s asked me if I thought I could ever live with him.”

I hold my breath, waiting for her answer. “I wouldn’t be opposed, but I don’t want to leave you. I don’t see why things can’t stay as they are.”

I reach out for her, brushing back strands of black hair. “I agree, but Billy is your father, and he has more right to you than I do in the court of law.”

Sadie stares at me a long minute while I continue to stroke her hair. “But you like him, right? I mean, you went on a date last night.” Her eyes tell me she has more to add, knows more than she should.

“I…made a mistake, Sadie. An error in judgment on my part.” I trusted him. With me. “But that’s between Billy and me and has nothing to do with you.”

“But you were fighting about me this morning,” she states, and I close my eyes. The whole scene comes back to me, and I’m so embarrassed. I’ll never be able to face the Harrington clan again.

“Sadie, I don’t think it was so much about you as it was that we both said things we shouldn’t have said, and then he didn’t tell me about the interviews.”

“After you left, he told me they would be nothing more than a bunch of questions. I can say what I want and express my opinion.”

I smile weakly at her. “I won’t let anything separate us, Sadie. You’re my family. I love you.”

“I love you, too. But they’re my family, also.” Her words are like a slap, although I know she isn’t wrong. “Can’t you talk to him? Work something out.”

Ah, his famous words to me.

“I think we’re past speaking to each other. It might be best to just let the courts handle things between Billy and me for you, honey.” I swallow the lump in my throat. This is just how I didn’t want things to go. I didn’t want her to feel like she was in a tug-of-war.

“Please. For me. Just talk to him. Hear him out.”

Why? Does she know something I don’t?

“I’ll think about it,” I say, and I hate that I’m lying to her because I won’t.

I have nothing to say to Billy Harrington.

35

The hole deepens

[Billy]

“Looking for someone?” Giant asks me, catching my eyes traveling to the side window of the pub.

“Nah.” I pull my eyes away from the glass for the hundredth time.

“Huh,” he huffs.

“What’s huh mean?”