Page 57 of The History in Us

“If you mean, you look like someone drove over your puppy, then yes. But I also recognize a breaking heart.” A caramel colored hand came into my line of vision, and Sidonia cupped my chin. Shaking her head, she tsked. “What did he do?”

“I think it was me.” When I thought I had no more tears, new silent ones fell. “I lost my cool. I just got so angry that he doesn’t see what’s before him. People helping him get a job. His beautiful son. And…” I caught myself.

“And what, Katie Kat?” Sidonia tenderly squeezed my chin, forcing me to speak.

“Me,” I blurted. “He has me. Why can’t that be a prize?” I sighed, frustrated with myself for thinking such a thing.

“Katie, tell me more about this Levi. Why is he so special to you?”

I shrugged at first. “I guess, I like the way…” I closed my eyes as a hundred caresses filled my mind. “I like the way he touches me. He makes me feel alive. I like who I am when I’m around him. We’re comfortable, or so I thought. Maybe too comfortable. And I love his son. AJ is just amazing.”

“Having a child in the mix is risky business.” Sidonia frowned.

“I know!” I exhaled, exasperated. No one knew more than me. I’d heard stories of my father’s hesitancy to accept Emily at first. He didn’t want to risk me, as his child, growing attached to her. But the older I grew, the more I learned he was afraid for himself as well. Was that how Levi felt?

“What’s really happening here?” Sidonia encouraged, and I hung my head.

“I think I’ve built him up in my head. First kiss. Second kiss. Suddenly meeting again. I wanted to believe, I so wanted to believe Levi was here for me. And I’m just a stupid fool. A stupid girl, writing stupid stories of fantasy.”

Sidonia released my face and placed her hands firmly on her hips.

“Who told you your stories were stupid? And when did you start writing?”

I blinked up at Sidonia.

“I’ve always been writing.” I paused. “Well, maybe not always, but I’ve always had the imagination for stories. Fairy tales and fantasy. Knights and heroines. Usually, the female takes the lead, slaying dragons and saving herself.”

Sidonia smiled slowly.

“First, that sounds like a much better story. Who needs a man for saving? I’d only want him for cooking expertise.” She winked. “But also, why is this the first I’m hearing of you writing?” She admonished me like a child, and I shrugged again. I didn’t share my dream with many. Emily knew I wanted to write. Penelope knew of my stories. Anne Johnson, Levi. That was the total of who knew my real ambition. I’d lumped Sidonia into that list without realizing she wasn’t.

“I just thought you knew, somehow,” I added sheepishly.

“Am I ever going to get to read said stories?”

“I guess so,” I offered, suddenly wondering why we were off course from Levi and talking about me.

“No guessing. Gimme, gimme.” She wiggled her elegant long fingers playfully before her and I laughed.

“When I’m home, I’ll forward one to you.”

Sidonia eyed me suspiciously. “You won’t purposely forget, right?” I shook my head and crossed my heart.

“Now, as for the man, making someone into something they are not is dangerous. I know this from experience. You have to let him be him, and you be you. If you are meant to be, it will be.” I closed my eyes. I knew everything she said was true and I internally kicked myself for being a fool. Every fairy tale had the foolish character. How could I forget that? “Making assumptions is equally dangerous. You need to ask him how he feels. Risk telling him about you.”

“It’s not that easy,” I sighed, like a petulant child, faced with my own fears of honesty.

“Love never is.” She smiled slowly.

“Who says I’m in love?” I chuckled, nervously realizing Sidonia was onto me. I was in love with Levi. In many ways, I always had been.

“Now, you’re living a fantasy,” she scoffed, nodded knowingly and winked at me. “Because you’re lying to yourself.”

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