Page 65 of Love Limits

Zhong looked around. Ash usually liked the ice cream in the pint-sized cartons, and got excited each time there was a different flavor.

It took him a little while, since they weren’t near the pints, but he finally found the Klondike bars. That's what they were called. They came in little blue boxes in an unnecessary number of varieties.

Zhong: What type of Klondike bars do you like?

Ash: ice cream! ice cream! ice cream!

Ash: i like all of them, please.

Zhong rolled his eyes, but the pain eased a little in his chest. Ash always had that effect on him.

Zhong tossed several boxes of ice cream bricks in the cart so that Ash could choose the flavors. Was that too presumptuous? There were six in a package, so he was counting on Ash coming over 24 times. If Ash visited twice a week, that was twelve weeks or three months.

Well, it had already been longer than that. And they’d clearly keep being friends.

It just felt like the time until Ash found their Caregiver was leaking away. They’d been steadily going on dates, and he got a report after each one. Sometimes they were funny. Most of the time they were boring. Some were so bad that he still got texts in the middle.

Once in a while, they described someone who seemed like such a good fit for them that it made Zhong’s heart clench.

Ash had even had another one this week. Really, Zhong should feel fortunate that he got an extra day with Ash today.

It was just that one day Ash was going to find their Daddy, and then what would he do?

Zhong paid for his groceries mindlessly and gathered up all of the bags to walk home. He should have taken the car, but he hadn’t planned to buy so much. Well, it would be good exercise and give him some more time to puzzle things out.

He’d kind of imagined that a romantic relationship would feel different. A lot like what he’d done before, but also more somehow. He just couldn’t figure out what the “more” would be. Or where Ash fit into all of it.

He thought about Ash mostly the same way he thought about Dustin and Sarah. Being with each of them made him feel safe and loved. They fit together, and made his days brighter.

He tried to decide if there was anything different between the three people he cared about. His relationship with Sarah had changed when she’d moved across the country and gotten married, though his feelings were pretty much the same.

Dustin made him feel calm and settled and affectionate. Dustin also felt like home.

Ash made him feel all of those things, but also excited and joyful. He wanted to take care of Ash, too, because that’s what Ash asked for in a lot of subtle ways.

Were any of those different from each other or were they all mostly the same?

More importantly, if he had Ash and Dustin now, did he really need to go looking for someone else to date? Could he find some sort of balance between the two of them? Maybe if their game nights continued each week? Even if someone else joined them?

That was the biggest question.

He thought about how radiant Dustin was when he was with Lena at their game night last week. He’d been so proud of her for standing up to the school council or whatever, for advocating for the Deaf students in her district. Zhong was actually proud of her, too.

He could see why Dustin wanted to give all of his attention to her, why he focused on her all of the time.

Ash would find someone else like that too, eventually. And then Zhong would be put to the side again.

Maybe that was really the difference. Zhong needed to be the most important to someone. Someone who wouldn’t leave him when they found the right partner who also wanted sex.

Once he found that person, he’d make them the center of his world.

In the meantime, though, he was making roast chicken and stocking his freezer with Klondike bars.

Chapter 14

Ash

Ash clocked in and greeted the night nurses coming off duty. The nursing station was shared by the nurses and aides on all the floors, so they didn’t know most of the staff that well. The staff were usually perky and kind, though, even after their long shifts. So when Ash saw a gathering of subdued faces, they started to worry.