Page 28 of Love Limits

It’s not quite the same, but I get some of that, too, Ash offered.

Zhong motioned for them to continue.

I mean, I mostly live in hearing spaces, so the Deaf thing isn’t as big a deal, though I would love a Deaf partner. But I’m genderqueer. And I’m kinky. And I’m a specific type of kinky. Any one of those would be fine by itself, but together it’s a bit too much for most people.

Yeah, I see what you mean. I don’t think I could date someone who wasn’t fluent in ASL. I mean… maybe someone who was learning, but at least able to communicate. Are you sure that would work for you?

Ash found that opinion a lot in the Deaf community. It was exhausting to deal with verbal speech all the time. And to base a relationship on it? But that hadn’t been their experience. I grew up in a hearing world, you know? I was born hearing and I started to go deaf way before insurance covered cochlear implants. It took a while for my mother to kind of figure it all out, because where we lived there weren’t a ton of resources and the doctors kept putting off a diagnosis.

My mother fought all the way for me, they continued, but she didn’t want to send me off to boarding school. So we were just kind of stuck with what the local school district could do. By the time I couldn’t hear much of what was happening in school, I could already read, so I kind of made it work. I didn’t really learn sign language well until Gallaudet, so I started off way over my head. It had been a rough but exhilarating few years taking classes entirely in a language Ash barely knew.

Zhong nodded in understanding. He’d surely met other people like that in his own four years at Gallaudet. What do you think about it now? The Deaf community and the hearing world?

I mean, it took me forever to really get comfortable with ASL, and I still don’t use it as much except with you and Landon at the munches. I have a couple other Deaf friends, and I still Skype with my buddies from college. I’m used to missing parts of every conversation, I suppose. But yeah, ASL is still so much more relaxing. I loved having game night with everyone. They gave him a sunny smile. Maybe it could be a hint?

So that’s the Deaf part. What type of kink? Zhong asked. He looked exactly as curious about that as he’d been about the Deaf part. Like he was going through a checklist. That is, if you feel comfortable telling me. I kind of picked up on the Daddy thing. He shrugged.

Yeah, sure. They didn’t mind explaining, since Zhong didn’t seem like someone who would judge. And if he was, Ash didn’t want to hang out with him anyway. I’m into age play and puppy play. It’s kind of the lighter side of kink.

I don’t know anything about either of those. But I can see how it would be hard to find someone who checks all of those boxes. Or a Daddy who checks all those boxes, right?

Yep. A Caregiver. They signed the word for PARENT at the top of their ear, making it gender neutral, then fingerspelled it.

Have you met any Deaf Caregivers?

One, they wanted to say. One who’s sitting in front of me and doesn’t know it. Not since I left D.C.

Are there that many Caregivers in general?

Caregivers… I suppose. Ones who want to date someone like me? Not so many.

Zhong looked incredulous, like he couldn’t even imagine the possibility. Why wouldn’t they want to date you?

You know. The whole gender/body thing.

Zhong looked Ash over critically. I never really thought about your gender, actually. I mean, you said you were genderqueer and that’s it, right?

I wish. There’s a few places in my life, like the munch, where people introduce themselves with their pronouns, but otherwise it’s usually not worth the fight. It gets exhausting.

I’m sure it does. I guess I’d forgotten that it was a surprise to me once. I had other genderqueer friends in college so I guess I got all of my surprise out the way then.

Yeah? You knew a lot of genderqueer people?

Zhong shrugged. Dustin always pulled me into the Rainbow Society meetings, even though there weren’t any other ace folks. Our group of friends was mostly queer and trans.

Cool. They’d kind of figured, since he hadn’t asked about it until it came up in conversation.

This might sound weird but… when people misgender you, what do they even say? Like, if I had to choose a binary pronoun for you, I don’t even know what I’d guess.

Ash preened. Mission success! I’m actually intersex so if you guessed nonbinary you’d be right! Not that anyone needs to prove anything to claim the title. And people guess about 50-50 on the pronouns, depending on what I’m wearing. I think scrubs are boring, but I love how unisex they are.

Ash took another bite, then continued. That’s the one thing that I’ll always love my mother for: she put her foot down when the doctors tried to do a surgery. She read some article somewhere, thank God, from an intersex person who was angry that they hadn’t been given a choice, and she was willing to fight for me. She still raised me as a boy, and for a while when I was a teenager she convinced me to take testosterone. But I couldn’t do it. Being male was just too weird for me. And I love my body just like it is.

I’m so glad that worked out. I can’t imagine having to make a decision like that for an infant.

Yeah. It’s funny because my mother was my biggest defender around not having gender reassignment surgery, but she also would have done anything to get me cochlear implants. She didn’t know anything about the Deaf community at the time, but now she’s a huge advocate against those, too. I mean, for babies. If I wanted either one now, she’d be completely behind me.

So is that what you meant about your body? I mean, for dating.