Page 27 of Love Limits

Sure, Ash encouraged.

I’m asexual, Zhong started, then didn’t seem to know how to go on.

That had not been what Ash had expected him to say. It made the love-but-not-in-love part clearer, but the rest was more confusing. So you wanted a closer friendship with him, then?

Zhong took another bite, chewing it slowly. I’m not sure. I’m just starting to figure it out now. When we lived together, it was just… It worked out. I thought it was working out for both of us. I was… really happy. He looked sad, though, as he said it.

What happened?

He started dating other people. Zhong made a face of exaggerated surprise. I mean, can you imagine? The nerve of some people.

Ash gave a small laugh, knowing that Zhong was trying to be funny. Beneath it was a lot of hurt, though.

So he lost interest in you?

Zhong seemed to weigh his answer. I don’t think so. Our relationship didn’t change much. But his exes were jealous. I didn’t mind how much time he spent with them as long as he still spent some time with me.

But everyone, Zhong continued, the people he dated couldn’t figure out why I was there all the time. Eventually, he shrugged, I guess I couldn’t figure out why I was there all the time either.

That sucks. Ash wished they had something else to say, but they didn’t know what else to offer. They still weren’t even clear on whether Zhong had a romantic relationship with Dustin or a platonic friendship. Or maybe that wasn’t a distinction that even meant anything to Zhong at all. For the second time in a few minutes, they were reevaluating everything.

They each attended to their own meals for a while. Ash turned their “date” over in their head, looking at it from a new perspective. Zhong was still just as kind and funny and caring as before. He was still just as interested in spending time with Ash.

Ash had just misunderstood what that interest meant.

Realizing that hurt more than they’d thought it would. They’d warned themself not to build up fantasies about someone they barely knew, but Zhong had just taken them by storm. He’d seemed so perfect for them.

Something occurred to them. Hey, what was that date about last week?

Zhong rolled his eyes. God, don’t remind me. I will never get those three hours of my life back.

Ash grinned. That text exchange had been the highlight of their day. They’d spent all evening buzzing with the idea that Zhong liked Ash so much that he was texting them instead of going on their date. But you got bingo!

Ugh. Yeah. She was from this asexual meet-up group so I thought, you know, I should at least give her a chance. There’s one other person in the group who’s Deaf, and I haven’t met him yet. But I guess I might go on a date with him, too, if he’s not part of the same hive mind.

Oooooh… Think of how many bingo squares you could fill! I mean, what if he was, like, the queen bee controlling the rest of the hive mind?

That got Zhong to smile.

Seriously, though. If you’re not looking for a hive mind controller, what are you looking for in a date? And did Ash have any kind of a chance?

Zhong shrugged. I’m still figuring it out. I’m panromantic, I suppose. So gender doesn’t matter. Someone I click with? Someone who’s fun to hang out with and likes to cuddle.

But, he added quickly, they have to be asexual, too. I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I’ve heard all of the “but maybe it will be different with me” bullshit too many times. I spent most of my high school and first year of college believing it was actually true. Like, if I dated the right person, I’d actually want sex. And people get pushy about stuff like that. He gave a dramatic shudder.

I’m sorry. That sounds horrible. Some combination of frustrating and rape-y. Ugh. Ash already felt defensive on Zhong’s part.

Yeah, Zhong agreed. It turns out, I just don’t like it. Even under ideal test conditions.

Ash laughed, like they were supposed to. It was exactly Zhong’s sense of humor, and probably also a bit true. He seemed to like to break things apart and analyze them. Ash assumed that the “ideal test conditions” were Dustin.

Ash took a final bite of the delicious food. They hadn’t ever thought about it, but… what would that be like? What had Dustin and Zhong navigated together?

Ash wasn’t sure if they could be with someone asexual, at least as a primary or monogamous partner. They knew other aspects of their kinky lifestyle were more important than sex, but to never have sex again? It was a lot to think about. It helped them understand Zhong, and by extension, his relationship with Dustin, a lot better, though.

I see why you’re looking for an ace partner, Ash agreed. It would be a whole lot easier for everyone.

Yep, Zhong agreed. Though finding someone who’s Deaf and ace and doesn’t make me want to die of boredom seems like an impossible quest.