Page 89 of Love Lessons: Expanded Edition

Because I’m an idiot. Because I was scared.

And because you felt yucky already. That’s a lot to deal with. Can you tell me what you were scared of?

Landon closed his eyes for a long time. It wasn’t just a way of thinking, but showing that he needed to stop communicating for a minute while he did.

Dustin ran soothing hands over his thighs and up his back. They weren’t in any rush now. Maybe this was what Landon needed to break through whatever was holding him back.

Finally he opened his eyes. I was afraid that I’d start to care about you and you’d leave.

Dustin gathered him close and kissed him everywhere. I’m not going anywhere. And I care about you. I mean… did you know that every single relationship I’ve had ended when the other person broke up with me? I’m the one who hangs around and tries to fix it. Every time.

Yeah? Landon gave him a tentative smile. I mean, that’s crappy for you.

Well, I think I didn’t quite understand what I was doing. Things would start to fall apart and I would just hover over the other person more, trying to take care of them and fix everything, and it pissed them off. All my exes said I was too controlling. So, uh, I guess now you know that.

Landon slid a hand down his cheek. It sounds like you’re a good Daddy. Maybe not a good vanilla boyfriend. But a really good Daddy. Dustin could feel his heart swell.

Is that what you want, though? Like… I don’t want to overwhelm you.

Landon looked raw and hopeful. I don’t think you’ll overwhelm me. I mean, definitely not with anything that we’ve been doing. So, um, hover away.

You’ll tell me if you ever have subdrop, right? He had to be sure of this. Even though he was going to do his best to avoid it.

I promise. I’ll let you know. I mean, you’ll probably figure it out anyway. For some reason that made Landon blush.

Dustin pulled him in for one more sweet kiss. I watch you all the time. I want to know everything about you. So, um, just let me know if it’s too much.

No, I like it. I want it. Just, um, don’t expect me to always open up right away. This is still kind of hard for me.

I know. And I’ve got you. It would just be his job to pry out all of those insecurities, one at a time, and smother Landon in adoration. Probably while he was kicking and screaming.

Which was exactly what both of them wanted.

Thank you. Landon signed earnestly. Can I ask something?

Anything.

Why don’t you feel comfortable using the crop?

Dustin drew in a breath. He hadn’t been expecting that. But of course it was the right thing for Landon to ask. His boy had been watching him, too. It’s my ex. I dunno if you remember, but I told you about him.

The one who told you that you were a Dom when he dumped you?

Yeah. I mean, we already weren’t working out. But one night I asked if we could try something in bed. I thought it would be fun, maybe spice things up or fix whatever was going on between us.

Did you try an impact play toy you didn’t fully know how to use?

Dustin’s ribs squeezed at the thought. No. No. Definitely not. The very idea made him feel ill. I mean… my hands. He held them up and just stared at them. But they did enough damage.

What happened? Landon asked gently.

I cuffed his hands together. He was face down. And I spanked him. I really thought he liked it. Like, I could hear that he was making sounds. He was crying. But I didn’t hear the word “stop.” God, I… I thought he was even enjoying it. He’d hit Alan while he cried for mercy. He didn’t think he’d ever get over the horror of it.

Did you stop as soon as you realized?

Oh yes. Immediately. But he had to kick me before I figured it out. He fell off the bed.

That sounds traumatic for both of you.