Page 179 of Ex Somnis

“And it wasn’t even a mistake,” she goes on. “It was you choosing my life for me. Even though I already chose you, Derek. I chose you. I would have chosen you over every single thing this town ever offered me. I would have slept in my car with no money between us and been happy. But you decided you knew better than I did what I actually wanted, and that was disrespectful. That’s what that was. Disrespectful.”

“I was a dumb kid, Tessa, and⁠—”

“So was I!” She fires back. “And I knew exactly what I wanted.”

Tessa’s hand shakes in mine, and Derek’s hands have that tremor that comes right before someone gets yanked back to the surface.

We’re running out of time. Fuck it.

They were always going to do this the hard way. Might as well let them.

“I get that you’re angry, girl. I get that this is not a one-conversation kind of anger. But you have to forgive him enough. You have to find whatever piece of that love made you want to leave the waking world in the first place, because that’s the thing that can tether you back to him instead. And then you’re tethered to more than me in waking life. To this. To all of it.”

She scoffs. “The hurt was enough to make me leave waking life. It’s certainly not enough to make me choose it again.”

“And what about me? What about our dream, Tess? The restaurant? We can still do that. We can buy our stupid little place with our own money, no one telling us how to do it. Give him the chance to grovel in actual waking life. You can still decide you don’t want any of it. We…”

“Lenny.” The fury makes room for sadness in her eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you? I can’t.”

“Because of the promise. I know, but Lucien coul⁠—”

“I could what, Lennon, dear?”

Derek moves on instinct, stepping in front of Tessa, both arms out like he can protect her, just as Lucien materializes.

It’s such a stupidly brave, stupidly useless gesture that my chest hurts looking at it.

Lucien doesn’t even blink at him. He flicks one finger, and Derek is just gone.

“What did you do to him?” I’m ready to let Mr. Muffin loose on Lucien while Tessa goes rigid beside me, eyes darting to the empty space where Derek was standing.

“Relax. I sent him back to his body. I don’t punish people who haven’t done anything to deserve it. Although Tessa would disagree about the deserving part, right, love?”

“So you think Paul deserved all your nightmares? And Ridge? Nevan?” My hands curl into fists. “They deserved what you did to them?”

“They did.” His smile is almost fond. “And if they keep interfering with what’s mine, I’ll have to remind them again.”

“Oh, stop with that.” I throw my hand out toward him, breadstick-fingers and all. “You already are. You haven’t left Nevan alone at all.”

“Because people don’t seem to remember their promises.”

“Then let them go! Relieve them of it. You can do that, you know. You keep acting like your hands are tied, like you’re some force of nature instead of a man making choices, but you’re choosing this. Every single day, you’re choosing to be the thing people think you are.”

“And what do they think I am?”

“The boogieman. But you’re not a monster. You’re just alone. And you are never going to get what you actually want by making people stay against their will. You know that. You have to know that. If they’re not staying because they freely chose it, it was never going to be what you were looking for in the first place.”

He scoffs. “How would you⁠—”

“You are worth choosing, Lucien.”

He gives me a strange look, but then his expression darkens. “Everyone says that right before they choose someone else.”

I don’t get the chance to ask him what that’s supposed to mean, because out of nowhere, a phone starts ringing.

It’s my actual ringtone, the stupid one Jasper picked for me as a joke during a dinner shift, that I never bothered to change.

The kitchen folds in on itself, and Tessa’s stricken face is the last thing to go, gone before I can reach for her hand again⁠—