Page 88 of My Sunfall

“Pretense, cara mia,” he cuts me off. “I wanted to prove to you, and more importantly, to myself, that it didn’t matter, that your vision of me wasn’t eating me alive from the inside.”

“Are you saying that you’ve not…” I trail off, not knowing how to ask what my mind can’t comprehend.

“Exactly. The moment I laid eyes on you, it was over for me.” He brushes his thumb over my lower lip, the movement drawing his eyes to my mouth. His gaze turns dark and hungry, the pupils dilating to swallow the blue.

“Since that day I first saw you, when I talked to you in your room, I’ve never been with another woman. How could I when you are the only person I am able to see? But I was a fucking idiot. I was convinced that everything I touched died or left. So I told myself that if I didn’t hold on to anything, it wouldn’t rot. I convinced myself that you were too sweet and soft for someone like me.”

I scoff and he chuckles.

“I know now that you are not soft. You have the heart of a warrior, and you conquered and enslaved my soul.” He brushes a strand of my hair from my face and cups my cheek. “I’ve learned to never want anyone. To never need anyone. Until you.”

My breath hitches and my heart slams almost painfully in my chest.

He leans closer and brushes his lips over mine, his breath ghosting over my lips, sending shivers down my spine. Then he drops the bomb.

“I love you, cara mia. I’ve loved you the second your eyes looked up at me in your room. I’ve been obsessing over you, I’ve been agonizing over you, and when you left, it nearly killed me. Only you had the power to make the sun fall. You were my sunfall, and now you are my new dawn.”

The words crash over my consciousness like a hammer blow, making my head spin. Our gazes are locked now, his is grave and full of longing. My heart slams against my ribs.

“Lucas—”

He cups my face and stops my words with his thumb on my lips. “It’s okay, love. I get it that you don’t feel the same way yet. I understand. But I swear to God, I’ll do everything in my power to make you fall in love with me. Fuck, I’ll do anything if you’d just tolerate me. There’s only one thing I can’t give you, and that’s your freedom. I won’t give you the divorce you want.” He swallows hard, his throat working. And when he speaks again, his voice is gravelly. “Stay, cara mia. Give me this one chance, and I swear I won’t blow—”

“I love you,” I blurt out and he freezes.

His eyes widen in shock. “What?” he whispers hoarsely, then swallows. “You…love…me?”

I nod, tears starting to gather in my eyes. “That’s what I wanted to say. I love you, Lucas.”

He is still frozen on the spot, disbelief, awe and astonishment written all over his face. “How…” He breathes.

I cup his face, careful not to brush against his injured cheek. “I’ve loved you from afar for years. At first, it was just a teenage crush for the second-in-command of the famiglia. But then I got to know the man, and I’ve fallen. Hard. That’s why your words destroyed me.” My tears are flowing over, trailing down my cheeks.

He brushes them away with his thumb, his pained gaze never leaving mine. “What you heard the night of the gala was me denying what my whole being was trying to tell me. If you had stayed for half a minute longer, you would’ve heard that I told Tiffany no and went back inside to look for you. But I can’t unsay what you heard, and I know I was the worst idiot that existed. Still am. Because I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m hoping for it anyway. Hell, I’ll take anything you’re ready to give me. I’ll be the hero you want, I’ll be the villain for you, I’ll be your Phoebus if that’s what you want. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, as long as it’s me you need. Just stay with me.”

I slowly shake my head. “You don’t understand. I don’t want you to be either.”

He stills, confusion and dread creeping into his gaze.

“You never were the hero or the villain,” I whisper. “What I didn’t understand until now, is that you were something else. Something bigger.” My voice trembles, but I hold his gaze. “You were the cathedral.”

He frowns and opens his mouth to reply, confusion written on his face, but I silence him with my thumb on his lips.

“At first, you felt like this immense and unstoppable force. People looked at you with awe and admiration. I was looking at you the same way,” I admit. “Then you became my cage, the stone walls I couldn’t escape from when you cornered me and left me no way out.”

He starts to shake his head, devastation flashing in his eyes, but I go on.

“But now”—my voice softens and I tenderly brush my thumb over his lips—“you are my sanctuary, Lucas. The place I feel safest.”

His breath catches for a beat then shudders against my thumb.

“You protect me, but you don’t try to break me into something else. You accepted me…all of me. With you I am myself at last, I am free.” I draw in a shaky breath. “So, you see…you have more than my forgiveness. You have my trust…my love.” I brush my palm over his uninjured cheek.

The gaze he gives me is wrecked, but there is a new light shining in his eyes. “You love me,” he repeats as if not believing the words.

I nod with a watery smile.

He lets out a shaky breath. “I must be dreaming,” he mutters. “Or I’m dead and somehow ended up in heaven. Punch me, cara mia. I need to know this is real.”