Page 90 of State of Ruin

I sit here, shaking with the effort of holding in my tears, my arms wrapped tightly around her as though I’ll shatter into a million pieces if I let her go.

“I think you have a beautiful heart,” she whispers into my ear. “And I think your parents have maybe guided you away from relying on it, and maybe you got a bit lost along the way. But now you’re seeing someone who can help you, and you’re feeling everything.” Her arms flex around my neck. “And that’s the guy I want to be with, a guy whose heart tells him how to live.”

She holds me until I’ve found it in me to calm down, and then she leans backward and takes my face in her hands.

“I also have a hunch,” she says, “that my mom can’t take all the credit for the Ward family’s very big Christmas miracle. Huh?”

I feign confusion as the panic hits. No, no, no. This is precisely what I didn’t want. “What?” I say, furrowing my brow.

“Don’t you what me. No more lies, remember? I need to know,” she whispers.

Fuck. “But it was an anonymous donation, wasn’t it?” I ask, playing for time.

“Uh-huh. But even anonymous donors are people. And do you know what?”

“What?” I ask, the dread mounting.

“Our debt, which was a totally random number, was exactly one percent of the total donation Hudson County received. What do you make of that?”

Fuck me, she’s smart, and I’m stupid. I should have made the total a more random amount.

“A mathematical miracle?” I venture, and she smirks at me.

“Nice try, dude. Spill it.”

“I’d rather we ignored it,” I plead. “But you’re putting me in a difficult position because I promised you no more lies.”

“So…”

I sigh. Jesus, I’m outsmarted here. “It was the least I could do. You were going to use the campaign money to pay down the debt. Don’t argue—I know you were. I saw your bank statements, remember? You used both Alchemy payments to do exactly that.”

“But not the whole amount! And it cost you thirty-six million dollars! That’s insane!”

“It cost me a lot less than that because it was distressed debt. I redirected some funds from our charitable foundation so that a lot of people who don’t deserve their shitty situation could catch a break. Like I said, the least I could do. But you guys were never supposed to find out. I didn’t want you to feel like I was trying to buy my way out of the fucking shithole I’d lied and cheated my way into.”

“I didn’t think that,” she says, looking at me so adoringly that I will definitely start to cry again. “Like I said, beautiful heart. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Just don’t tell your folks.”

She shakes her head. “Scout’s honor.”

“I like that your dad thinks your mom had a hand in it. And I’d hate him to know it was me. I couldn’t take it.”

“Got it,” she says. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. It’s our secret.”

I smile at her as I lean back in to kiss her.

There have been far too many secrets for my liking, but as far as secrets go, this feels like a pretty good one.

CHAPTER 46

Elyse

Last night on my family’s couch was sweet and romantic and intense. Seeing a sleep-rumpled Sinclair this morning was the best way to kick off Christmas Day, even if we were all awakened long before sunrise (thanks, Fleurie). But tonight is just for me and Sinclair. I’m headed to his apartment so he can “give me my Christmas present”.

I’m pretty sure he keeps that kind of present in his boxer briefs.

He headed off to Fairwater after a quick breakfast, but after eating lunch and exchanging gifts with his family, he came straight back to Manhattan, organizing me a town car so I could do the same. Which is why I am now shooting up in his building’s express elevator: the one I’m pretty sure leads straight to heaven.