Page 55 of This Changes Everything

“You weren’t there that day, Ben. It was wild. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.” Lucas’s cocky grin was aimed in my direction.

“No, I know. I’ve read it, though. It’s in her diary.” Ben smiled at me from across the table.

“You’ve read Ellie’s diaries?!” Hannah roared.

The table got quiet again. Heat rose up the back of my neck. Rory closed his eyes, pained. It was evident that in just six short months, Ben and I had already experienced a lot together. I wasn’t sure Rory was expecting that. From Hannah’s stunned expression, I wasn’t sure anyone was expecting that.

“Ummm . . .” Ben smiled apprehensively. “Yes? But I wasn’t an asshole about it. She was there. She let me read them. She gave them to me.”

Hannah slowly turned her head to me, appearing shocked. “Wow . . .”

“So you know all about Rory, then,” Kara slurred, unable to stop herself.

“Kara,” Jacob warned his sister.

Rory’s demeanor changed instantaneously. He stiffened and stopped breathing.

“No, not everything. He hasn’t read everything.” I stepped in before Ben could answer. “There’s stuff that’s private.” I was surprised that I was able to respond, considering how difficult it was to find my voice.

She directed her drunken glare at Ben. “I’m warning you, Ben. Don’t you hurt her, too. Don’t fuck her then fuck her over at the exact same time.”

“Kara!” Cameron growled. He was more than upset. He was enraged.

Cameron leapt to his feet, hauled her up out of her seat, and took her away from us.

All the oxygen in the bar was sucked into oblivion. My soul emptied out entirely. I looked at Rory, and he looked back at me, expressionless. He appeared as hollowed out as I was.

Hannah dropped her face into her hands. Zoë’s mouth hung open in a silent gasp. Lucas’s eyes looked anywhere but at me. Blair’s hand went protectively to Rory’s shoulder. And Ben didn’t waste a second before standing up from the table.

“Want to get out of here?” Ben asked me directly.

“Yeah.” I stood, then walked out of the bar and didn’t look back.

Chapter 19

NEW YORK 21 years old

BEN AND I WERE SITTING ON THE SNOWY CURB OUTSIDE OF KEY One Lounge. He released an uneasy breath before saying, “Well, tonight didn’t go as planned.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I do.” He played restlessly with his lip, pinching it between his thumb and his index finger. He lowered his hand from his face and leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. “I love you. I wasn’t planning on saying that tonight, even though I’ve felt it for a while, and I didn’t think the first time I’d say it would be to your ex.” Ben shook his head, looking discouraged. “I didn’t want any of this.” I placed my hand on Ben’s leg. He sighed, then pulled my hand into his chest and laced our fingers together. “I don’t want to be compared to Rory. I’m not him, and this Ellie is not his Ellie. This Ellie is mine.” Ben kissed my hand softly.

I nodded slowly, then asked quietly, “When did you first feel it?”

“I don’t know. Slowly over time. When I realized it was you and me.” Ben looked out at the softly falling snow. “When did you first feel it?”

I laughed faintly through my nose. “You told Rory you didn’t know if I loved you.”

“I lied.” He lifted his finger to beneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I know you do.”

I smiled and took my time to answer, setting my past aside and Rory with it. This, New York, Ben . . . It was another life. Another me. “It happened slowly . . . over time, when I realized it’s you and me.”

I looked at Ben, and he was already bending toward me. He moved his hand to hold my neck, and our lips found each other. His tongue pressed down on mine, and blood surged through my veins, bringing me back to life. When we pulled apart, I softly touched his lips with my thumb.

“I spent my life dreaming of one day moving to Los Angeles, but I moved to New York instead. I think there’s a reason for that. I think I was meant to come here because I was meant to meet you.”

Ben pulled me toward him again, and our mouths opened and closed, connecting and dancing with one another. And as we slowed, taking in the moment, we kept our eyes shut. He kissed my nose ever so slightly, then my cheeks, then my eyelids, then my lips once more. And that’s when I heard Rory clear his throat. Ben kept his hands on me, like he always did.