Page 54 of This Changes Everything

“Sang? Cainey, I didn’t know you sing!” Blair gave a clipped laugh.

Rory’s eyes whipped over to me. He was disturbed. Apparently, he, too, didn’t know I sang.

“You guys have never heard her sing?” Jacob asked.

Blair and Cameron shook their heads.

“Haven’t you seen any of her plays?”

They shook their heads again.

“Seriously?”

Cameron decided to stop Jacob’s line of questioning. “No. She never invited us.” Cameron put his arm behind Rory’s chair protectively.

“You think she sent out handwritten invitations or something?” Jacob laughed, then finished off the rest of his whiskey.

Kara and Jacob had been seeing me in plays since I was a kid, and Hannah ran lines with me regularly. Lucas, Zoë, and especially Ben were profoundly familiar with the performer in me. The Campbells were the odd men out. I had been intimate with Rory. But as I noticed his eyes glued to the table, I wondered if I could say that he knew me the most intimately when he didn’t know this side of me.

Rory had come with me to a couple of auditions over the years, but he never saw beyond the curtain. He was never in the room. He never saw what happened when I lost myself inside a character or a song. It was a piece of my insides exposed to the outside, and though it was never “real,” it was always real to me. Onstage, I turned into a version of myself that only I knew. I became every diary entry I ever wrote. I drowned in every feeling I ever felt. The idea of the Campbells ever seeing me like that was unbearable; I would never survive it.

“All I’m saying is, you could have just gone.” Jacob twisted the knife.

Rory remained still, despondent. I could see Ben notice Rory’s unraveling.

“We’ve never seen her golf.” It was Ben’s turn to show grace. A small smile tugged on my lips in appreciation of the gesture.

“Don’t be too upset about that,” Blair piped up. “Hannah’s always been better. Cainey can hit the shit out of it, but she’s inconsistent, and her short game is garbage,” he teased me with a smile.

I laughed loudly. “Don’t ruin the illusion!”

“Rory’s the real golfer in the group. He’ll go pro,” Cameron jumped in proudly, pumping up his brother.

“Remember your black hat, Rory?” Kara slurred, and I felt a pinch of concern.

“How much have you had to drink, Kare?”

Hannah giggled. “Oh! Rory! I remember you always used to flip that hat around and wear it backward. The way your curly hair popped out . . . so super cute.”

Rory’s shy smile finally made an appearance. “Still have the hat, still wear it backward.”

“Still super cute,” Ben quipped.

It surprised Rory, and he let out a small laugh. For a flash, it looked like Rory could like Ben, then melancholy washed over him as that realization took hold.

“Didn’t you write a poem about that hat once, Ellie?” Kara tossed me a wink.

Cameron, Blair, Jacob, and Hannah all quietly chuckled as blood surged to my cheeks. Rory’s small smile dipped, and I hid my face in my drink.

“Jesus Christ.” I laughed uneasily. I looked over at Lucas, whose eyes were wide. I pointed at him. “Don’t you dare.”

All eyes shot to Lucas, and he covered his mouth giddily. He was bursting at the seams.

“Lucas, don’t!” Zoë squealed, but it was too late; she was already laughing, fully aware of what was about to happen.

“I have to,” he whispered excitedly. I started sliding down in my chair, trying to get myself under the table as fast as possible. “Ellie read that insane poem in our scene study class once as preparation for a scene.”

I went all the way under the table, humiliated, as everyone laughed, including Rory and Ben. Hannah grabbed my arm and pulled me back up.