Page 45 of This Changes Everything

The shocked silence from everyone around the table after I dropped the love bomb was almost laughable.

“Loved, Ellie! You said loved! Past-fucking-tense! Did you mean love?” Rory’s voice boomed. His eyes went wide, and he threw his hands into his hair.

“Oh my god,” Hannah whispered. Everyone, including drunk, sloppy, foot-in-her-mouth Kara, was watching us like we were in a tennis match.

“Two years have gone by since prom, and you said loved, but you meant love?! Loved or love?!”

“Please stop saying that. It’s semantics. It doesn’t matter.”

“IT FUCKING MATTERS!” Rory shouted louder than I’d ever heard before.

“I’m not doing this. We’re making a huge scene, and this needs to stop. Sorry, everyone.” I twisted my body around to face the people inside the restaurant. We even had rubberneckers in the street looking at us through the windows.

“You love me?” Rory looked like he was going to faint.

“I’m a bad person. I’m . . . I’m a bad person.” I nodded uncontrollably.

“ELLIE, DO YOU LOVE ME?!” Rory screamed.

“I have a boyfriend, Rory! I can’t fucking say it!” Tears sprang from my eyes, and I lost focus.

“Well, I can’t fucking say it!” Rory’s eyes were wild.

I was pretty sure I was dead. I must have fallen on the dance floor and hit my head against the bar and died, because there was no way this long-awaited conversation was actually happening in front of my sister, his brothers, our friends, and a bunch of drunk strangers on Granville Street.

“I can’t look away.” Orson leaned into Jacob.

“Dude. Look. Away,” Jacob begged.

“You’re moving away, Ellie! In a week. In a fucking week! Holy fuck. Do you love me?!” I didn’t answer. Rory fell back into his seat and dropped his head between his legs. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“This is horrifying.” I turned to Blair and Cameron. “Probably none of this is what I thought it was, or pretended it was. You’ve probably thought I was just this bitch screwing around with your brother’s feelings this whole time.”

Because I had been . . . Because I was.

I started shaking with the realization that I was the bad guy. I had a boyfriend, and I was in love with someone else. They’d all probably thought for years that I was a stupid, silly little girl.

Because I had been . . . Because I was.

None of it was real.

“Meanwhile . . . Fine.” I was already going to hell. I turned to Rory. “I have loved you since we were twelve years old. I love you, Rory. I’m in love with you. Present-fucking-tense. And I’ve never known what to do about it.”

Rory looked back at me from his chair, shell-shocked.

“Rory, say something,” Orson quietly pleaded to his friend.

“Say it right now, Rore,” Cameron implored, but Rory said nothing. He just stared at me.

“Okay. I can’t—Yeah, I can’t do this anymore.” An uncontrollable cry escaped through my lips.

“Ellie, don’t!” Hannah stood.

“You both need to go outside.” Blair grabbed Rory’s wrist and pulled him to his feet, attempting to snap his brother out of his trance. “Go talk to her.”

But it was too late. I was up and out. “No, thanks. I’m good.” I pushed myself through the swinging door.

“Oh shit!” Hannah exclaimed, and everyone was out of their seats and following me into the warm summer air. It hit me like I was under a blow-dryer, but I charged ahead to an empty taxi waiting at the corner.