Page 35 of Tame Me

“Like freedom,” I admit with a smile.

Three Weeks Later

I did it! I really fucking did it. I leave Meridian Rehabilitation Institute today, and I am so fucking excited. I don’t really know what to do from here, but I do know that I am free. I was free the moment I was found and taken to the hospital over a year ago, but now I finally can see life for what it is… Beautiful!

Usually, there is a graduation, but I wanted no part of that. I just want to get in my car and drive away. I know I’ll have to bust ass from here on out, but I’m ready to face it all.

I am packing everything into my bag, preparing to take it down to my car. I sense someone behind me and turn to see Thane standing in the doorway.

“You ready?” he asks cautiously.

“Yeah. I’m about to take everything down to my car,” I say. I’m so focused on what I will do once I get in the car that I’m hardly aware of the deadpan inflection in my voice. Thane looks… worried. I’m not used to seeing him as anything but calm. “You good?”

“Yep,” he says simply.

“Okay then,” I say, turning back to my bag. I zip everything closed before grabbing the handles and moving toward the door.

“Let me,” Thane says, taking the bag from me.

“Uh. Thanks,” I say awkwardly. It feels like he’s trying to get rid of me, and I don’t know how to feel about that. We’ve not talked about where we will be going forward. They keep saying forever, but we haven’t discussed what that means. Was that just a way to make me complacent? Maybe they get funding, and I have to be cooperative for them to get it.

I walk next to Thane as he escorts me out of the building. When we get to my car, he drops my bag in the passenger seat before turning to me. “Where are you going?”

“Probably back to Dad’s,” I say. “I have savings from his life insurance, but I don’t want to spend it all right away. I need to find a job, so it’s easier to start there.”

“And you are okay with being there?” he asks.

“I’ll have to be. If I struggle, I’ll just get a hotel room,” I say with a shrug. “Where is Reid?”

“Graduation,” he says.

“Well… I feel very unwanted right now, so I’m leaving. Thanks for… well, everything, I guess,” I say.

“Is that how you want to leave things?” Thane asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I didn’t know I was leaving it, Thane. That’s the fucking problem,” I snap at him. Not wanting to give him any reason to think I’m not healed, I yank my car door open to make my escape. Thane gently grabs my arm and pulls me back so I’ll look at him.

“You never brought it up, so we didn’t either,” Thane says softly. “You have our numbers. Take the day to think and call us if you need anything.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask. “You know what… Fine. Don’t count on me calling, because I refuse to make an effort for anyone who won’t make an effort for me. So if this is how this is going to be, fuck you, and fuck Reid.”

“Ayla. Hold on. Please talk…” Thane starts to say, but I pull away and get into my car. Slamming the door shut, I can’t hear him anymore. He softly taps on my window, but I have tears threatening to fall down my cheeks, and I don’t want anyone to think I can’t handle myself. I ignore him as I desperately try to get the car started. It’s sluggish, but it eventually starts. I shift into reverse and stomp on the gas. Tears start falling down my face as I look out at Thane. He looks fucking devastated, and that hurts. I realize I'm overreacting, but it’s too late. He was giving me space to decide what I’m doing, so I didn’t feel forced into something, and I fucking ruined it. He deserves better than that, so a clean break is easier.

I put the car into gear and drive away from the building. Away from the happiness I built with Thane and Reid. Away from the dream of having a normal life. I don’t know how much the life insurance payout was, but I know I have it. Maybe that will keep me going for a few weeks so I can find a job.

I have to use GPS to get to Dad’s, but mostly just because my mind is somewhere far away and navigating a town I’ve hardly been in in the last year. It’s thirty minutes from Meridian to Dad’s, but I remember almost none of the drive. I pull into the driveway next to his truck, and a familiar sadness settles in my belly.

“Welcome home, Ayla,” I mutter.

I hate this so goddamn much. I know we have to do things this way because we have to make sure we haven’t influenced her for the last six weeks. We involved emotion more than we should have, and that could be damaging. If she reaches out, it’s for a reason. If she wants a clean break, she wants space. I don’t know if I’m capable of giving her space, though.

I walk outside and see Thane in his truck. I can see the way his body shakes, and I know the send-off went horribly. I had things to do, so I couldn’t be with them. I wanted to be, though.

I pull Thane’s door open, and he is crying. I’ve never seen this man cry. Ever. “Hey,” I say gently. I pull on him, and he gives in and lets me get him out of the truck. I immediately hug him, and his body vibrates as he sobs. “She just needs time, Thane.”

“She basically told us to go fuck ourselves, Reid,” Thane says, pulling back to wipe his face.

“Thane, she's fucking terrified, man. She is entering the real world, and she has literally no one. No friends. No family. We didn’t talk about a future between all of us because we didn’t want her to become codependent on us. She has to do this on her own. We both know this,” I explain.