Page 218 of A Matter of Time

“Fine. Go. But wait until you can tell him why.”

“He won’t understand any more than you, and all I can think about right now is losing him and how I would feel if that happened. When he was bleeding and I was holding him and… Jesus, there’s no way to remain objective through that.”

I felt the tears slipping down my cheeks, but no one saw them. They were talking about me, but no one was actually looking at me.

“I can’t let anything happen to him, Mom. I dunno what I’d do.”

“He took a bullet for you, Sam. He loves you so much that he would give his life for yours. I could never ask for any more for you, for any of my children… Your father feels the same way. Jory is the only one for you.”

“I know that. I’m not denying that. But this is about more than him. It’s about taking the information that Dominic is giving us and using it to bust a huge drug syndicate. That way not just Jory is safe, but so many other⁠—”

“It’s about Jory, and you not wanting people to know that you’ve been sleeping with him since you met.”

“If IAD knew that, I’d be done. And this way, with me leaving, I save Jory, God knows how many other people, and I still get to be a cop when I come back.”

“Being a cop should not be more important than the man you love.”

“It’s not—please listen to me. If I go, everything will be perfect when I get back. Most important of all, Jory will be safe.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Jesus, Mom, don’t⁠—”

“Shut up!” she yelled suddenly. “Just tell me this: When you return, will you be with Jory?”

“Yes.”

“And how long will you be undercover?”

“I don’t know.”

“You won’t see him before you go?”

“I’m here now.”

“But—”

“I have to leave right now. There’s no time to wait.”

“Sam.” She started crying. “Please don’t go.”

If I could have screamed, I would have. How could he leave me?

“Mom, if I go, I get to keep anyone from second-guessing my version of events. Nothing Dom says will matter, no one will believe him, and I get to keep my job. He’s gonna be better off without me, just for a while. We need to let everything settle down.”

“I want you to say goodbye to Jory.”

“I did. I sat with him for an hour this morning watching him sleep. It’s better that he sleeps.”

“Oh, Sam.”

“Mom,” he soothed her.

“And what if it’s a long time, Sam? What if…what if Jory finds someone else to love?”

“He won’t. He can’t. He loves me. I love him. It’s written in stone.”

“Sam—”