Page 217 of A Matter of Time

I turned and saw Sam coming toward the bed. I tried to shift, to sit up.

“No, no, don’t move,” he ordered, reaching the bed. He leaned down toward me, lifted my right hand, and put it on his back. His arms slid around me gently, but tight enough so I could feel the warmth of him through his T-shirt. Gently, slowly, he maneuvered under everything so he had his head on my chest as he stretched out beside me. I had no idea how he did it, as big as he was, all six-foot-four of him, but he managed. It didn’t hurt that the bed I was in was definitely not a standard one. He felt so good next to me, and he smelled like soap and his hair was damp. I made a noise that was half whimper, half sigh. I was so content. I kissed his forehead and stroked his hair. I didn’t remember closing my eyes.

The voices were muffled and soft, but I heard them.

“I don’t understand.” A woman’s voice rose suddenly.

“Mom, don’t wake him up.”

“Maybe he should wake up, Sam. Maybe if you looked in his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to leave.”

“I’m leaving because of him. If I looked in his eyes, it wouldn’t make any difference.”

“You’re a coward.”

“Mom,” he groaned.

“You are! You’re running away because you don’t want people to know you sleep with a man! That’s the only reason you’re doing this.”

“No, it’s not. You haven’t been listening.”

“Sam.” She drew in a breath. “You tell me you love him in the same breath that you tell me you’re going away. How else do I interpret that but as cowardice?”

“You don’t understand… I can’t work like this! I can’t be like this.”

“Like what, Sam? You’re not telling me anything.”

“Mom.” I heard the chair shift on the floor, scraping across it like nails on a chalkboard. “My life is suddenly under a microscope. If anyone finds out that I was seeing Jory while there was an investigation going on…if IAD actually looks at me, I’m dead. Do you even get how deep the hole is that I’m in? Do you have any idea?”

“Sam—”

“I was going to tell my captain that Jory was my partner before everything happened with Dom, but there’s no way I can do that now.”

“I think you⁠—”

“And if they find out everything, it won’t stop with being thrown off the force. I could be charged with interfering in an ongoing investigation. It’s a mess and…there’s just so much that can go wrong. I never thought about this because I didn’t care; I just wanted Jory, but really, I could be facing prison time for this. It’s that serious.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Only because you’re not familiar with the law. I messed up big-time. You have no idea how screwed I am.”

“Sam—”

“But, Mom…if I leave, do what my captain wants and join the task force and go undercover…” I heard him let out a shaky breath, then drag in another. “At the moment, everyone thinks I did everything right, plus they’re all concentrating on Dom, not me. I’m so lucky—you have no idea how lucky. My boss is giving me the opportunity to completely distance myself from any kind of scandal, and I gotta take it. I have to go and hunt down Michaelev and everyone who works for him.”

I tried to speak, to yell, to scream, but there was nothing; I couldn’t even get my eyes to open. There was no way to move or reach out. I felt like I was encased in cotton.

“But you love Jory.”

“I do love Jory, so much. But what use will I be to him if I resent him for not letting me be a cop anymore?”

“Sam—”

“Mom,” he groaned. “I’ve got to help find the man responsible for putting the contract on Jory’s life. If we don’t find⁠—”

“You’re lying to yourself, Sam, if you think you’re doing this for Jory. Just you being with him would keep him safe. You want to get away to make it look like you’re not in love with him.” Her voice cracked before I heard the whimper of impending tears. “You simply⁠—”

“That’s not it at all. You’re wrong. I have to protect him, and this is the only way.”