Page 64 of Power Play

The opportunity was right there in front of me so I took it. She couldn’t blame me for trying, right? Her silence was making me second guess that.

“You know what? Never mind.” I stood and gathered our plates while she sat frozen in place. I dropped them in the sink and watched her from across the kitchen. She blinked and seemed to curl in on herself as she slouched in the chair.

She came to me looking scared and unsure. She chose to come to me in her time of need, which I knew couldn’t have been easy. Instead of being the person she could lean on, the friend she so obviously needed, I had to go and be selfish. Again.

I went back to my seat and leaned toward her. “Forget I said that please. We just got each other back, let’s not ruin that. We can just be friends.”

She sucked in a breath and finally met my eyes. “I don’t know.”

“What part?”

Her lips formed a sad smile. “I don’t know if I can just be friends, Jason. We’ve never done that, and I’m not sure I can.”

That was fair but terrifying. If there was one thing I learned from all of this, it was how much I still cared about her. Having her back, even for a few weeks, was like teasing a starving animal with meat. I could walk away, but only if she told me to. I’d never go willingly. Not again.

I swallowed at that thought. Without even trying, she took up residence in my heart and mind like she never left. I’d kept that spot open for her all this time but never realized it. I never let any other woman get close enough to try. I told myself I kept them at a distance because of the nature of my job. Maintaining a healthy relationship was just too hard right now. I had too much going on to give any woman what they deserved.

Not Taylor. I would do anything, anything at all, to keep her in my life. As that realization washed over me, I reached for her. I took her hand in mine and squeezed.

“We aren’t the teenagers either of us knew, but I want to know who you are now. I’m asking for that chance.”

Her eyes watched our hands. Did she feel how right it was? How familiar her skin was against mine?

This night was spinning out of control, but I wasn't missing this opportunity that literally came knocking at my door. If it was too fast or too soon, I could deal with that. I understood. It was new to me, but I wasn’t going to let this disappear without trying.

“Are we starting over?”

Her voice was barely a whisper. I searched her face for a hint of what she wanted my answer to be, but she revealed nothing.

“I don’t think I can, Taylor. If that’s what you want, I can try my best, but I’m not sure I can forget about our past. I’m not sure I want to.”

Her eyes flicked up to mine. “I don’t either.”

I closed my eyes and let out a breath.

“Our history isn’t perfect,” she started. “It’s not smiles and rainbows, but it wasn’t all pain either. I don’t want to pretend like it didn’t happen. That it’s not a part of us.”

I nodded. “I agree. It’s what made us who we are.”

“I’m not sure I want to announce to the world that we lost Alexander, but I don’t want it to be a secret either. That makes it seem like it’s something we’re ashamed of.”

I couldn’t believe it. I thought that was something I’d have to convince her of. “Yes,” I breathed out. “Yes, I agree.”

“I don’t think I can live with myself if we don’t try again.” Her eyes held mine and I smiled.

“I swear to you, I will never leave you. You will have to kick me out if you get sick of me. I won’t walk away again.”

She smiled and I stood, reaching out for her. She stepped into my arms and the feel of her body against mine nearly brought tears to my eyes. This was something I never, ever thought I would have again. I thought I lost this privilege forever. I ran my hand through her dark hair and held her head against my chest, willing the universe to just pause for a little while. I needed to soak this in.

“Will you stay a little while?” I wasn’t ready for this night to be over.

She pulled back enough to meet my eyes. “Okay.”

I led her to my couch and patted the spot next to me. Once she sat, I pulled her in again so she was leaning against my chest. As much as I wanted to look at her, I needed to hold her more. I craved the reassurance that she was really here. That I wasn’t in one of my dreams of what life could have been.

“I know you don’t want to forget the past, but is it okay if we start from this point?”

She pushed her fingers through mine and flipped our hands so she was staring down at mine. “What do you mean?”