Page 59 of Penalty Kill

“Is Brandon one?”

They all laughed, and Kendall reached out and patted my hand. “Yes, he is. He’s been with the team since he was drafted at eighteen. He’s been playing at a consistent, high level for thirteen years. There’s no way they’ll trade him unless he asks to go.”

“It’s getting rarer in the NHL, but every team has those key players who stay in one place their entire career.”

I knew Brandon was good. I’d seen his talent for myself, but I didn’t realize it was uncommon for a player to stay where he was drafted.

“I have to hope the team stays champions, but their reign will end eventually. I think that’s when changes will happen,” Chloe said. “That’s when Erik or Reese are at risk.”

Madi sighed. “Let’s not think about that. It’s too depressing.”

“Yes, we’re all staying here forever,” Addi said with finality.

I smiled at them, but knew that didn’t include me. I wasn’t in the same position as them. I never wanted to stay anywhere forever. They weren’t like my parents, though. They didn’t want to stay because of the familiarity of the location. No, it was the people. They wanted to stay with their family.

“That means you too,” Chloe said as if she could read my mind.

“I don’t know about that.” I wanted their attention to go back to the show, but a commercial break played. No distraction there.

“I know we’re not supposed to talk about it, but I have to ask. What are you going to do?” Emma asked.

“What do you mean, you’re not supposed to talk about it?”

She looked around sheepishly. “Brandon told us to leave you alone to figure out what you wanted. We’re not supposed to get involved.”

That was sweet of him to try to give me space, but he should have known better. The Pride wasn’t exactly known for observing boundaries.

“I’m not sure, yet,” I answered honestly. “He said I could leave once I healed or stay until my contract is over.”

“Well, obviously you can’t just leave,” Madi said with desperation.

I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about it. This was supposed to be a fun night of watching drama on TV, not fixating on the disaster my life was spiraling into.

“It’s up to her,” Chloe said while sharing a look with her sister-in-law.

“But they would be so devastated,” Kendall muttered.

“Milo and Finn are stronger than we give them credit for. They’ll be okay,” I offered. I had to believe that. I never wanted them to get hurt. I never wanted them to feel abandoned again, but this was all temporary from the beginning.

“What about Brandon? He needs you,” she argued.

“He’ll find another nanny.”

Emma shook her head. “That’s not what she means. You weren’t here. You didn’t see how his ex slowly broke him down. He turned into a shell when she left. He was barely surviving. Even with all of us helping where we could, he wasn’t okay. You brought him back.”

“Guys, please. I was never meant to stay here long-term.”

“You saved him, Syd. You reminded him he has a life to live and fight for.” Chloe paused. “You told us about your parents and how important it is for you to travel. We know this was a lot to ask from you, but you completely changed their lives. I can’t help but wonder if maybe they changed yours too, and you’re a bit too stubborn to realize it.”

That wasn’t fair. I had a dream I’ve dedicated my entire adult life to. Then I remembered what Kendall said to me in the hospital. Dreams could change. I just had to let them.

Even considering staying felt like letting a part of myself die. World travel, being free to explore and experience all I could, had been my one and only dream for as long as I could remember. I’d sacrificed going to college, a stable career, even my relationship with my parents to pursue it.

I never regretted my decisions. I believed in fate and that everything happened for a reason. I was meant to meet the people I did and live in the places I had. Those experiences made me who I was today. I couldn't just give that up. I never met someone who understood, who felt the same pull, and I was okay with that. I truly believed I was meant to live alone as I saw the world. I wanted to eventually share my experiences in a book or blog, but in order to do that I needed to keep going. Keep moving.

How could I ever do that by staying? Brandon was a lifer here. His job controlled almost every second of his life from September to June. Would I be satisfied with just two or three months a year to travel? I didn’t think so. Plus, there were the boys to consider. They were about to start school, and they needed the stability and routine of a normal life.

I didn’t fit. I wasn’t made for their world.