Page 8 of Dare to be Wicked

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

She turned to Cassius, finding her heart swell at the concern in his eyes, at the soft tone of his voice. His eyes were the oddest shade. Turquoise, like his father’s. They were so beautiful it made her ache inside, and his voice… She sighed again, knowing she was ridiculous, but his voice was deep and rumbled deliciously. It made her shiver, helpless with longing. Was she going mad? It seemed like a kind of madness, to want him with such ferocity. She had loved Cassius before he’d left with a childish passion for his sense of adventure, his irrepressible laughter, and his kindness. Now though that love had a new element, a passionate desire to touch him, to feel his hands upon her that made her all on edge, as if she really was losing her mind. The temptation to get up and throw herself into his lap, to wrap her arms about him and demand he kiss her was so tantalising she feared she might do it. She wondered what he would do if she did, what he would say if she confessed all, if she told him she loved him, hopelessly and desperately, and that she feared something in her would wither and die if she must watch him marry Eliza. She must go away once they were wed. Perhaps she would go to France, but no, she would be bound to visit all the places he had been and wonder what he had thought of it, and if he had painted it, and if the sunlight had been the exact same shade of gold and… and good God, she was revolting.

“Lottie?”

“Nothing!” she said, sending him a blinding smile of such force she was surprised her jaw didn’t crack. “I’m just not used to being up so bright and early. It’s a shock to the system.”

Cassius gave a slightly nervous laugh and Lottie tried to swallow her misery and mortification by stuffing her mouth full of bread and butter. She could not taste it. Her throat was so tight she could barely swallow. The bread promptly got stuck and she was compelled to take a large gulp of tea to force it down.

“Good morning.”

Lottie looked up to see her sister enter the room. Oh, just what she needed.

Eliza was perfect as usual and made Lottie feel too fussy in her bright blue gown with white ribbons and lace. Today, Eliza wore an understated morning dress of fawn silk with bishop sleeves that narrowed at her slender wrists. It was simply cut and exquisite, quite different from Lottie’s frills and lace and bows, but she adored pretty things and could never resist a ruffle. Now, Lottie felt childish, whilst Eliza looked as effortlessly beautiful as always, though Lottie well knew it would have taken her an age to achieve the tumble of thick dark curls that framed her lovely face. She experienced a stab of unwelcome jealousy and the bite of bread roll felt like a lump of lead, cold and heavy. She pushed her plate away, the rest of the roll uneaten.

“Are you sure you are quite well?”

Cassius’s voice was low and filled with concern. Lottie turned to find him watching her and hated herself for stealing his attention when he ought to be fussing over Eliza.

“Yes, of course. Just not terribly hungry,” she said, forcing a smile to her lips. Misery rose inside her, smothering her until she wanted to sink into the floor.

Eliza had barely sat down when the rest of the family tumbled in, with all the attendant noise and chaos that the Adolphus brood generally brought with them. Mama rounded up Harry, who was filling his plate with plum cake, and had a word with Fred before he could stuff down every last sausage, and the room filled with merry chatter, for which Lottie was vastly grateful. As everyone found their places a shadow cast over the room and she looked up to see the towering figure of Mr Demarteau filling the doorway. He was large indeed, and did not look like a nobleman, but then she remembered being told that Nicolas Alexandre Demarteau was the beautiful Comte’s illegitimate half-brother. The two men seemed very close, with Demarteau hovering about his younger brother like a guardian protector. Certainly his expression was daunting, and those black eyes… Lottie shivered, and then followed his fierce gaze to discover it had settled on Eliza. There was a place still beside her, but Demarteau looked at it, frowned, and turned away, choosing to sit instead on the far side of the table next to their little brother Harry. Lottie glanced back to see if Eliza had noticed and saw a dull red flush on her sister’s cheeks. A surge of anger burst inside her to see Eliza so mortified. No man would ever choose to sit next to a child instead of beside a beautiful woman unless he meant to slight her. How dare the man act so, and why? Eliza was exquisite and her manners were perfection, so she could not possibly have offended him.

“Lottie. Lottie, whatever is wrong? Are you quite certain you are well?”

Lottie turned again to discover Cassius staring at her in alarm, his gaze settling on her hand which seemed to have clamped itself around the butter knife so hard her knuckles were white. She dropped it with a clatter, which made Eliza wince.

“Sorry, no, I… I seem to have something of a headache. Do excuse me, I think I shall take a walk,” she said in a rush, and hurried from the room before she could do or say anything to make herself even more ridiculous.

“Wait!”

Lottie paused just outside the door to see Eliza had followed her.

“May I come too? I’m afraid my headache is no better this morning either. I expect the excitement of the coronation and travelling yesterday has caught up with us both.”

“Of course, and yes, I’m certain that’s it,” Lottie agreed, hardly in a position to tell her sister the truth.

“You do look peaky,” Eliza said with a frown of concern, laying the back of her hand to Lottie’s forehead. “You’re not coming down with something?”

Lottie’s heart ached at the worry in Eliza’s voice. If only her sister wasn’t such a good person, perhaps then she would not feel like such a wicked creature for loving the man Eliza wished to marry and wanting him for herself. But Eliza was good, and so Lottie must be wicked, for she did love him, and want him, and whatever was she to do? She felt she would run mad before very much longer and they were to be here for three whole weeks. The season was yet in full swing and Lottie had suggested she remain in London, staying with her Aunt Helena and Uncle Gabe, as business was keeping her uncle in town, but Mama had been adamant. They had endured endless parties and social events since April and she thought Lottie looked worn to a thread. Little did her mama know it was nothing to do with dancing till all hours and going to bed closer to dawn than dusk, but the sleepless nights spent thinking of Cassius and everything she was about to lose. Not that you could lose something that was never yours to begin with.

They both gave a sigh of relief once they were out of doors. It was warm already and promised to be a glorious day.

Lottie glanced at her sister, noting the tense line between her eyebrows. Eliza looked back at her. “You saw, didn’t you?”

Lottie nodded. “Whyever did he do it?”

Eliza let out a breath. “Oh, thank heavens. You mean to say you don’t know either? I was terrified I’d made some obvious faux pas and offended him without even realising it.”

Lottie snorted at the idea. “Don’t be such a silly goose. As if you could. You’ve never offended anyone in your entire life!”

Eliza stared her at in disbelief.

“Oh, well, I’m different. We’re sisters, we’re bound to bicker, and you know I enjoy a good argument and you will provoke me by being so… so….”

“What?” Eliza demanded, her tone one of indignation.

“Bloody perfect!