Page 18 of Flawless

“Because you equate love with hurt.”

Tossing around the L-word so casually was not something I’d ever done. Maybe because no one had ever told me they loved me. And I’d never felt an emotion so strong it could be described as love.

“I equate hurt,” I said, choosing my words carefully, “with letting people get too close. I keep things casual and choose partners who are safe, meaning there’s no risk I could fall for them.”

“But you just told me you’re falling for me.” His tone was gentle when he asked, “Did you just say that in the heat of the moment?”

I turned my head to look at him, feeling the same rush that I’d felt when I saw him the first time. It couldn’t even be described as chemistry or sexual attraction. It went way beyond that.

“I never say anything in the heat of the moment.”

His lips curved into a slight smile as he kissed my shoulder. “Good to know.”

I could tell he was letting me set the tone, and didn’t want to push me too hard, but he deserved to know where I saw this going. What I was capable of, in terms of a relationship.

“You know I travel a lot, so seeing each other wouldn’t be easy. Obviously, you’d be free to date other people, I mean, if we decide this is even something we want to pursue.”

Knowing he was with other women would feel like a body blow, but it was too soon, and I was a little too messed up, to expect exclusivity.

There was an edge to his voice when he asked, “You want to see other guys?”

“It feels way too soon to make anything official, doesn’t it?”

“You tell me.”

“You’re not making this easy.”

“It’s not supposed to be easy. Figuring this shit out is hard.”

Since he probably had a lot more experience with committed relationships than I had, I would have to take his word for that.

Rolling onto my side and forcing myself to face him, to look into his eyes, I asked, “What do you want from me?”

His sexy smirk curled my toes when he said, “More.”

“More sex?” I forced myself to ask, though the word felt empty and hollow now. What I’d just experienced with him wasn’t sex. I didn’t even know how to define it.

He leaned in to kiss me, his lips still hovering over mine when he said, “I want more of everything with you. I want date nights. I want to talk to you on the phone every night. Curl up and watch TV with you. Travel to see your shows. Make love to you as often as I can.”

His words triggered something in me. A deep longing I’d been suppressing forever.

“That sounds a lot like a relationship.” I swallowed the emotion in my throat, because he’d made me realize how much I wanted what he was offering.

“Call it whatever you want. I think I’ll just call it my Rylee-time.”

That made me smile as I leaned into kiss him. “Rylee-time might be hard to come by sometimes. My career demands a lot from me. That would probably make me a lousy girlfriend, if we were to ever put a label on this thing.”

He laced his hand through mine. “Would you cheat on me? Ignore my calls and texts? Shit-talk me behind my back?”

“What?” I reared back, slapping his chest with my free hand. “No! Why would you say that?”

He grinned. “Then you wouldn’t be a lousy girlfriend, Rylee. As long as we’re honest and respectful, can make time to talk to each other, even when we can’t be together, and support each other’s careers, I think we can make this thing work. Even long distance.”

I curled my arm around his neck, drawing him closer. “Are we actually gonna do this thing?”

He smiled, asking, “Do you want to?”

I threw my head back. “God help me, I think I do.”