Page 47 of Lovestrung

“Ew, gross. Thanks, but no thanks.”

Stalling, I tried another tactic. “Well, I don’t know how to help you, Pippa. Kissing is…it’s intimate. Exciting. It’s something that you should only do with someone you really like, and someone you trust.”

She scrunched her nose at me. “Really? You’re telling me that you’ve trusted all the girls you’ve kissed? That you weren’t just out to get some?”

I chuckled as fire spread up my neck. “There haven’t been that many, Pippa. I don’t know if I’ve exactly given them my trust, but I’ve liked them a lot. Enough to want to kiss them, anyway.”

“But you trusted the first girl you kissed?” she prompted, making me sigh.

“A guy doesn’t kiss and tell,” I huffed.

She pulled at her lip and we fell silent. I wondered what she was thinking, but I didn’t push her. To be honest, I wanted this conversation to be over and done with already. It was the first time I felt awkward around her, and I hated it. I hated that she was growing up, starting to think like a young woman. To ask questions she had no business asking until she was at least thirty years old.

Slightly unrealistic, but then an image of her letting some faceless asshole touch her lips seared through my mind, and I wanted to throw up. The picture twisted and turned in my head as I imagined her wrapping her arms around the fuckwit, and gave him a part of herself that would never be mine. Staggered, my eyes popped open at the thought. No. No, no, no! I couldn’t think of her like that. She was my best friend, for fuck’s sake – not just some girl.

I was crazy. Fucking bananas.

Nevertheless, now that the thought had taken root, it was impossible to let go of it.

I hated it.

But most of all, I hated that I was now thinking about kissing her.

As if I no longer had any control over my actions, my hand nudged closer to hers until my palm covered it completely. It should have felt innocent, but it wasn’t. I had held her hand thousands of times over the years, yet now, as my thumb trailed soft circles on her wrist, just at her pulse point, it felt different. An undercurrent of something I couldn’t define seeped through me, exciting me while calming me at the same time. When her pulse jumped, I looked up at her from underneath my lashes.

“Pippa,” I whispered, but then stopped at the sound of my scratchy voice. I had to clear my throat, afraid I’d frighten her. I didn’t want to scare her – in fact, I wanted the complete opposite, but I couldn’t tell her that.

“Pippa, promise me your first kiss will be with someone you trust. Don’t…don’t just kiss a random guy because you want to get it over and done with. I know you,” I warned her when her eyes narrowed on mine. “You can be impulsive – you act before you think, and if you do that with the wrong guy…” I shook my head. “I can’t bear to think of you hurting in any way. And I’m afraid that’ll happen if you dive in headfirst without considering the consequences.”

My eyes lingered on her mouth a monent too long, but I couldn’t help myself. She was a magnet, pulling me toward her, and she didn’t have a fucking clue.

“I know,” she whispered. “But the only guy I trust is you, Ethan.”

I had to bite my cheek for fear of blurting out promises that I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep.

“You’re my best friend,” she continued. “I want my first kiss to be one I’ll remember forever. And I want it to be you.”

My heart hammered away in my chest as I blinked hard. I couldn’t believe she’d just spoken aloud what I found myself longing for. But I couldn’t do this. Could I?

“I…I can’t,” I sighed.

She leaned closer, her long, golden hair sweeping between us, and I held my breath at the determination I saw staring back at me. “Why not?”

Trembling, I extended my other hand toward her cheek, my fingertips trailing the softness of her skin. “I’m scared it’ll change things between us. I can’t risk losing your friendship, Pippa.”

“It won’t,” she promised. The conviction in her promise was so strong, I almost believed her. “I just want to know what it feels like, Ethan. To know what the fuss is all about. I won’t fall in love with you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

A small grunt escaped my mouth at the word.

Love. I cursed the emotion. I’d seen firsthand what love could make people do, and I wanted no part in it.

“Your parents would kill me…,” I stalled.

She rolled her eyes. “Nobody has to know. I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“Promise?”

She nodded slowly, her eyes boring into mine.