Page 132 of The Silent Appeal

You’ll get by without me.

Undated page from a decorative journal belonging to Isabel Beck:

TODAY TONIGHT

I’m buzzing thanks to my iced coffee that is even stronger than Squires’ and on an empty stomach too! I arrived at six and had my pick of places to put my sleeping bag, so chose a little spot on the stage behind the trellis where there’s a handy route back through the wings to the green room. It’s where the murderer fires the gun, so I’m hoping it’s a lucky place to sleep (and the darkest too!).

There are sleeping bags all over the stage now and people have put their backpacks on top of them. Fran laid out her yoga mat and duvet (she doesn’t have a sleeping bag) on the other side of the trellis to me. She didn’t realize I’d bagged a space there because she wouldn’t know my backpack. I’m going to be inches away from her all night.

There are so many people here I’ve not seen before because some Fairway Players signed up their friends and relatives. John O’Dea has a lot of young nieces and nephews who swamped the crafting table as soon as they arrived. I hope they don’t use up all the things Denise brought! She said she was going to bring journaling accessories her daughter got ages ago and didn’t use. I hung around waiting for her to arrive, but she was late and I had to go into the green room for the line rehearsal. Of course, I was concentrating during the rehearsal, but couldn’t help thinking about the crafting things I was missing out on.

Unfortunately, the people who most need a word rehearsal (mentioning no names as it’s just my opinion) weren’t there. He doesn’t say it out loud, but I can tell Kevin’s also worried about Mark and Lucas remembering their lines and acting at the same time. Amelia is quite good as Henrietta and when she acts with Fran you can see those scenes taking shape, but for the rest of us it was a bit slow and stilted, especially as Celia was organizing games in the hall and couldn’t make it. Georgia, who was meant to be prompt, kept losing her place in the script and was yawning all the time. I’m not surprised because she arrived already wearing her pajamas. She looks pale, blotchy, and bored stiff.

Fran asked whether Kevin knows yet which day the NADA judge will be coming, and he said he’ll ask the cast at the next rehearsal if they want to know. I don’t! It’ll make me even more nervous than I am anyway!

I couldn’t wait for the rehearsal to be over so I could get to the crafting table and see what was left after the little brats had ransacked it. At first, I was sooo disappointed. They’d used EVERYTHING, boo… but wait for it… Denise knew I was looking forward to decorating this journal and had saved a whole bag of journaling accessories for me! Including this special pen that looks awesome but makes my eyes go funny. There’s also stickers, colorful tape and pens! I was so happy I cried! There’s even a little stain on this page from one of my tears, so I drew a pattern round it with a pink pen. The best thing is, Denise says I can keep it all because no one else seems to be journaling (there are a couple of knitters and a relative of John’s who brought their cross-stitch from home).

* * *

Like she promised, Denise brought a tub of beads and some cord so the children could make friendship bracelets. Some of the beads have letters on them and it took me until dinner time to find all the right ones. I made two, one for me, one for her, and while everyone was getting settled for dinner, I popped hers into her tote bag so it’s a lovely surprise!

* * *

OMG the sausage and mash were sooo good! It was worth not eating much for two days beforehand! There were even seconds! Not that I had any. Only some extra gravy and a third sausage. I’m so full I can’t even look at the chocolate fountain yet. The singing is meant to start any moment, but Fran is still eating and Kevin has to reboot his laptop to light the virtual fire. Father Josh has just arrived with his wife, whose name I can’t remember (if I ever knew it), so Kevin and Sarah-Jane are schmoozing with him. Have to move away from the kitchen smell to where Nicky-Rose is eating an apple and scrolling on her phone, but she glanced up, saw me, and turned away. That means she’s doing something important and doesn’t want to be disturbed. We’re so close now we can always chat later. She didn’t have any sausage and mash. I’ll ask her why not. I can smell the chocolate fountain now, and it’s making me nauseous. If only I hadn’t eaten that third sausage! I’ll walk round the hall until the singing starts, everything’s running a bit late anyway.

* * *

Songs we sang round Kevin’s laptop as he livestreamed a virtual campfire from a well-being app Sarah-Jane does marketing for, while Fran played the guitar:

“My Favorite Things”

“Consider Yourself”

“Dancing Queen”

•“Time Warp”

“Any Dream Will Do”

“Let It Go”

“Seasons of Love”

•“Defying Gravity”—Fran solo

I’m very glad Kevin printed lyric sheets, because I didn’t know half the words and had never even heard “Time Warp” before (it has a dance, too, luckily not too energetic because that third sausage is still giving me indigestion). I remember Fran’s counseling group. We’d sing a different song at the end of each session. She told us she never had guitar lessons, just picked up her dad’s guitar and he showed her some chords. The rest she taught herself. I remember being so impressed with that. Back then all I wanted in the world was for her to see me and for us to be best friends. Those days are so far away. I look at her now and don’t feel anything. Even when she sang “Defying Gravity” and everyone was mesmerized by her voice, even Father Josh, I didn’t have those feelings. They told me in group that if I can sense I’m going back to my old way of thinking, I should remember how those feelings always pass. That means they aren’t real feelings, because if they were, they’d stay.

Nicky-Rose didn’t sing at all. She helped Sarah-Jane with the chocolate fountain, then when SJ had to take Sammy home (she started screaming) and Celia took over at the fountain, Nicky-Rose sat with Kevin. Funny what you notice.

* * *

OMG! The lane is HAUNTED—that’s what Father Josh says and he wouldn’t lie. I nipped to the chocolate fountain to dip some marshmallows (before Celia switched it off) and ate them while Father Josh was telling a ghost story. I REALLY wish I hadn’t. Now I feel properly nauseous from the food and anxious from the story. It was HORRIBLE! I’ve never felt scared in the church hall before—even when I’ve been an hour early for rehearsals and had to stand outside in the dark—but that’s because I didn’t know a shadow man haunts the lane. I’ll never wait out there in the dark again. I can’t believe we’re going to switch the lights off when there’s a ghost around.

Message exchange between Sarah-Jane and Kevin MacDonald on April 26, 2025:

11:39 p.m. Sarah-Jane wrote:

She’s snoring her head off now. I knew it.