Page 28 of Sour Notes

I’m not letting him break me again. It took me long enough to rebuild myself the first time.

Mom

Sooooo, how was the date? Silvia’s son said he’d love to take you out again! XO

My mom, everyone, perfect timing as always. I stare down at my phone screen slack jawed.

The dude has got to be fucking joking.

No.

No way.

I knew he was oblivious. He’s so oblivious that he didn’t even realize he got the emergency call brush-off, and I’d bet it wasn’t the first time either.

Me

It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens mom.

No more dates ok? I’m done.

Mom

But Mia, we want to see you happy.

Mia

I AM happy. I don’t need a man for that. Especially not one like that.

Mom

Fine. We can discuss it at family dinner.

Stifling a sigh, I toss the cell on my bed before I text something I’ll regret later. But for fuck’s sake, what's there to discuss? The last thing I want to do is talk about my disastrous love life in front of Swayze’s family as well.

If this wedding wasn’t happening, I wouldn’t give a shit. I hate that I even care enough to worry about this crap. Why did this asshole have to cut me so deep that I want to hide behind a bullshit relationship?

As if it’s even enough to stop him from trying to fuck with me if he really wants to.

I’m pretty sure this would take months of therapy to unpack. At least I’m self-aware enough to realize it. But there’s no time for that right now. The clock’s ticking, each second bringing me closer to facing the one person I wouldn’t piss on if he were on fire.

There must be someone out there who could work. Right?

After scrolling MatchNote for another thirty minutes and losing all hope of ever finding an actual match on the damn thing, I slide out my laptop and get back to work finishing my Dickonomics article.

My conclusion, if you’re interested—save your bucks to spend on something more useful, like a battery operated boyfriend.

All the moves, zero backchat.

I email it to my editor, who responds half an hour later.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Dickonomics - MatchDont

LOL, you’re a hoot. Since you’ve decided to advise our readers against real cock, how do you feel about reviewing a bunch of sex toys? We have a fun new sponsor.