Page 119 of Where the Wattles Bloom

‘Okay, so, what did you like about it?’

Rowena wasn’t sure where this was going, but they’d gone off the subject of Lachlan so she’d go with it.

‘I liked … that I was there for a week and had met everybody who worked at the hospital from the grounds staff to the medical director. I liked that it was close knit and everybody had time for each other. I liked that, generally, it was a slower pace and lower stress. I liked that patients were never rushed out the door and mostly people were very appreciative. And that everyone knew my name.’

Bloody hell. She’d be singing the Cheers theme song next.

‘So, if you enjoyed it that much, why not entertain changing jobs?’

Rowena blinked. Say what now?

‘Did you miss the NICU?’

The question was surprisingly confronting. Getting back to her former workplace had been her driving force this past year. A goal she’d been hell-bent on achieving. And it had felt good being back. But … Helena was right. She hadn’t missed it.

‘Actually … no.’

Helena nodded, seemingly unsurprised by the admission. ‘I know getting back to the NICU was what you were determined to do,’ she said, ‘and it was clear to me from the beginning, you needed to do it. That you weren’t ready to hear the alternative. But you do know there is one, right?’

She reached across the table and covered Rowena’s hand.

‘You don’t have to stay in the one place just because you’ve always been there. Or because you’re afraid people will think less of you. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, Rowena. It’s okay to say, “I don’t want that for my life anymore. I don’t need that stress. I really like it here instead.”’

‘But …’ Unsettled, Rowena removed her hand to clasp it in her lap. ‘I was only working there as a way to get back to the NICU. Wouldn’t that be giving in?’

‘Is it giving in? Or is it changing direction? Thousands of people change directions in their life every day.’ Helena smiled. ‘It’s allowed,’ she whispered. ‘You’re allowed.’

Rowena had never seen working in a rural setting as anything other than a stopgap. A means to an end. But she had really loved working in a small hospital.

Was Helena right? Could she just … change direction?

‘The same goes for Lachlan. If you miss him, maybe there’s more to it than that?’

Oh god … was there?

Helena smiled gently. ‘These are all just things to think about, Rowena. Maybe they’ll resonate, maybe they won’t. But now you’ve achieved your goal of getting back to the NICU, maybe it’s okay to open yourself up to other possibilities?’

Whatever Rowena had expected from this session, it hadn’t been this. Helena talking about changing direction.

Not when she’d finally gotten her life back on track.

*

Rowena was still thinking about that conversation three weeks later as she stood on a balcony overlooking Sydney Harbour along with a few dozen other people and watched as the first explosion of fireworks over the bridge rang in a brand new year. The balcony wrapped around two sides of the huge apartment her friend Paula had won in a radio competition. Not the apartment—the New Year’s Eve experience at one of Sydney’s most exclusive addresses.

Rowena had planned on having a quiet night in after a busy day shift and not seeing the new year in at all. But, as Paula had said, when would she ever get the chance to be this close to one of Sydney’s most iconic events? So close the boom of the fireworks reverberated through her chest. So close she swore she could just lean over and flutter her fingers through the fizzing sparkles.

Yes, she was tired, but this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Right?

Except she was barely taking any of it in. People were oohing and ahhing and Rowena was watching, but the visual wasn’t computing when her brain was utterly preoccupied with two words.

You’re allowed.

They’d been playing over and over in her head ever since Helena had uttered them. They hadn’t crystallised any decision for her because, frankly, they felt too damn revolutionary, but they had pecked away at her brain. Like a woodpecker, relentlessly drilling. So had maybe there’s more to it than that.

Which led her straight to Lachlan. As people’s faces lit up with blues and reds and greens, Rowena was reminded of that night suspended in a ferris wheel gondola with him and their almost kiss and she absently wondered how they celebrated New Year’s Eve on Blairgowrie. Did they do something with neighbouring properties? Or was there some shindig in town?

Or maybe, with Reggie’s absence, he and Albert were having a quiet night in.