Page 65 of Sudden Summer

“I was twelve! And it wasn’t just babysitting. She was four-years-old!” I hissed into the phone. There was no point in arguing any more. I was done. “You know what, Mom? All I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever hoped for, is that you would come back and love me the way I love you. But that’s not going to h-happen.” Shit. I hated the tears that were burning my face.

“Birdie. This conversation is over. Call me when you’re a little less hysterical.”

The line went silent. She’d hung up on me.

And I lost it. I pulled my legs up onto the seat, wrapping my arms around my knees as I buried my face into the small space created between my legs and my chest.

I didn’t make a sound. The last thing I wanted was for Beau to hear me.

“Oh, honey.”

My head lifted off my legs as Dolly walked up the porch steps towards me.

“Sorry,” I whispered, wiping at the tears that just wouldn’t stop falling. I hadn’t cried that hard when I was attacked. When Beau lifted me from the ground, or when he held me close to his heart and walked with me, broken and bruised into the hospital. But my mom…her dismissal of what happened to me was a pain so deep, I couldn’t reconcile it.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me. I’ve been pissed at your mama since you were six-years-old. Some people aren’t meant for motherhood, Birdie, but you were always worthy of a mama who loved you. I hope you know that. You are so important to me. So loved, beyond words, baby. The way you show up for our family, for my son. For his daughter. She’s going to grow up knowing you were always meant to be a mama, and what a gift that is for her after everything that’s happened.”

I cringed, hating that she’d overheard what I’d said. “Dolly⁠—”

“I don’t want any of that ‘Dolly’ stuff anymore, you hear? I’m going to tell you something I was too afraid to say all these years, because I didn’t want anyone thinking I was stepping somewhere I shouldn’t. Are you ready to listen?”

I nodded.

“I can’t wait for the day when Beau finally makes you a Ford. When you’ll legally be my daughter and have the name you were always meant to have. But none of that really matters when things boil down, because in my heart, you’ve always been mine to love. And I hope you know I do. I’d be forever blessed for you to call me ‘Mama’, and only ‘Mama’, like the rest of the knuckleheads around here do.”

My eyes watered, more tears pouring down my cheeks and chin. Only these weren’t the heartbroken, hopeless, desperate to be loved tears I’d cried my whole life. They were thankful tears. Tears that held love for the woman who had always been there to cheer me on when my own mother couldn’t find the time. “What if things don’t work out? What if Beau doesn’t want me forever?”

“Honey, I’ve seen the way my son has looked at you for thirty years. He’s finally gotten his head on straight. But if he does something dumb, then we’re keeping you and he can sleep with the horses.”

Her fingers wiped the tears off my cheeks before they swept my hair over my shoulder. The screen door opened, and I heard Beau’s cowboy boots hit the old wood planks as he walked towards us.

“Who’s sleeping with the horses—What’s going on? Why are you crying?”

Dolly squeezed my shoulder, standing up to take Juniper from Beau.

“Come on, sweet pea. How about you come up to Grammy’s house for a while?”

Beau looked between his mother and me. “Are you sure?”

“Good lord, of course I am. Just pop over whenever you want her back, or call me if you want me to bring her back over in the morning.”

“You don’t have to take her all day, Ma.” I smiled, using the name I’d longed to say over the years. “I just need a minute.”

Dolly looked back at me with a blinding smile. “Nonsense. I’ve got a date in the garden, and Beau used to love being in his playpen when I’d be digging in the dirt. I bet Juniper is just like her daddy. A big ol’ sun baby…isn’t that right?” Her fingers brushed gently over Juniper’s cheek, our girl giving her grandmother a gummy smile. “Oh, what a beauty you are. Yes. We are going to have lots of fun today.”

“She needs to be in the shade, Mom,” Beau instructed. “Did you know she’s still too little for sunscreen? I had no idea you weren’t supposed to use it on them if they’re under six months old. I got a little sun hat for her inside, but it’s better for her to just be in the shade so she stays cool.”

“Son. How on Earth do you think I kept all of you kids alive? I know what I’m doing, I promise.”

“She’s just so little,” he said, the concern still so prominent in his voice.

“I know, and I know how precious she is. She’s in good hands. I’ll just run inside and grab the sun hat before we go, and your dad can order one online so we can just keep one at our house for the future. I’m heading out the back door though, so…” Dolly dipped Juniper towards Beau, who pressed a kiss to her forehead, before guiding her over to me.

I stood, holding my hands out, and Dolly didn’t hesitate to give me exactly what I wanted. Juniper’s weight rested against my heart, and suddenly everything else felt manageable again. I loved this little girl so completely.

Her eyes found mine, and I reached up with the arm that wasn’t supporting her to boop her nose. My head dropped so my lips could rest against her head. Her peach fuzz hair tickled my skin, but it was a feeling I’d treasure for as long as it lived in my memories. “You be good for Grammy, okay? Daddy and I will come get you after you’ve had plenty of time to soak up her love.”

I let Dolly take Juniper back, watching as they walked through the front door toward the back of the house before I sat back down next to Beau. He stretched his arm behind my back, his hand pressing against my right shoulder as he pulled me against his chest.