Page 105 of Just Past Two

Dee’s hand slid into Silas’s field of view as she reached out across the table, curling her fingers around his in an unexpected gesture of physical affection. When he looked up, she was studying him with a look of sweet sympathy, her gaze soft and gentle. “Is that what this is about? That maybe you think you’re wasting your life being so worked up all the time?”

Silas considered that, and it felt uncomfortable, but it also made sense.

When he didn’t answer, Dee pressed on. “And maybe you justify it by saying it’s what makes your life worthwhile, so you want Matthew to feel the same way? To make your own life choices feel like the right ones, instead of this being about Matthew and his career?”

Silas shrugged. “Maybe. I’m not sure.” He ran a hand through his hair and remembered viscerally how Matthew always did the same, rubbing the top of his head where the black hair grew in thick short curls. He remembered the way those curls felt on his palm when he cupped the back of Matthew’s head to bring him in for a kiss. A tangible sense of loss gripped him.

“You haven’t talked to him since your fight?” Dee asked.

“No.” Silas shook his head. “He called me, though. Right before I called you. I didn’t pick up and he didn’t leave a message.”

Dee raised one eyebrow and released his hand. “You didn’t pick up? What if he was calling to apologize?”

Silas averted his eyes, looking to the side of the table where the old-fashioned mini jukebox was still fastened to the wall even though it wasn’t functional, had never been functional as long as they’d been coming here. “I was angry. I wasn’t ready to talk to him.” He still felt a twinge of that anger, but with it was some amount of shame. “I don’t think I’ve been very fair to him.”

“So call him and apologize,” Dee said, spreading her palms as if she were saying the most natural thing in the world. “Couples fight. It happens. I didn’t talk to Francis for a day and a half last week over something stupid, but then we made up and everything is fine now.”

Silas nodded without really meaning it. “All right, maybe.”

“Promise me.” Dee fixed him with a glare from which he couldn’t look away. “If he calls again, you’ll answer.”

Silas didn’t dare lie to her, not when she gave him that look. “Okay, fine. I promise.” He searched for a way to change the subject, not wanting to deal with Dee’s soul-searching looks anymore, and then remembered something he’d actually wanted to discuss with her. “Topic change,” he announced. “Do you still have access to a 3-D printer?”

---

Normally, Gigi’s was a respite from the responsibilities of Matthew’s life, a party atmosphere with loud music, flirtatious patrons, and too much activity to think. Saturday night, though, an hour into Matthew’s shift, he wanted desperately to go back home. The music was louder than normal, he was sure of it, and all of it sounded the same with the same overly loud bass line. He plastered a smile on his face and flirted with his customers as usual, but it all felt fake. He hadn’t been back here in weeks, not since he took Silas into the coatroom and changed the trajectory of everything, and now the place seemed to fit him badly, like an old coat grown far too small.

Mia, who was tending bar with him tonight, called him out as soon as they had a free moment. “So what’s up with you?” she asked, red lips curling down. “You’re sucking tonight.”

“I’m sorry.” Matthew looked off to the dance floor, crowded with bodies, and then to the patrons sitting at the bar nursing drinks and chatting with each other. This was a place where he used to feel at home. To feel differently about it was jarring and uncomfortable. “I’m not having a good night. Lots of stuff going on.”

Mia nodded, her expression sympathetic. “You want to come out after? Get a drink and talk about it?”

Normally, Matthew would say yes. After-hours drinks and hanging out with the Gigi’s crew was his favorite part of this job. Tonight, though, he just wasn’t feeling it. “You know, I think I’m going to head home after this. Get some sleep and clear my head.”

A man at the other end of the bar raised a finger to get Mia’s attention, and she nodded and moved away from Matthew. “Just let me know if you change your mind.” She gave him a last look over her shoulder, a stern “get your shit together” look, and then plastered a smile on her face and approached her customer. Matthew did the same, his smile feeling fake, and moved to take a woman’s order who was giggling with her girlfriends at his end of the bar.

The middle one, already a drink past tipsy, looked between her two friends and gave them each a grin. “So, my friends and I were wondering.” She leaned across the counter and put her hand on Matthew’s, where it was now sliding a drink toward her. “Are you doing anything later tonight? We were thinking of having a little fun.”

Matthew gently extricated his hand out from under hers. “Sorry, ladies,” he said. “I’m afraid I’m already taken.”

The line slipped out without effort. He could have just told them he was gay, but his mind went instead to Silas. Silas, who’d left his apartment like something broken, who hadn’t picked up the phone today, and suddenly all Matthew wanted was to be home, curled up on his couch, getting drunk on his own.

Silas had been gone so long from the University of Florida campus he forgot how much he liked being there until he was meeting up with Dee’s friend Akahito on Monday afternoon to use the Physics Department’s 3-D printer. While the machine slowly created the parts according to Silas’s CAD designs, he hung out with Akahito in the shaded sitting area outside the physics building, watching cars go past. It was spring break week on campus, which meant that there weren’t many students about and the campus was relatively quiet.

Akahito was a handsome man, short and well built, with black hair that reached almost to his shoulders. Right now, he had it pulled back into a ponytail, looking more hip than most of the professors Silas had known. “So you’re just on leave for the next three weeks? That’s it?” he asked as he took a swig from a bottle of green juice.

Silas nodded. Dr. Hillwater had encouraged him to talk about his leave of absence when people asked, in order to help alleviate his shame and guilt, and he was trying it out here. It helped that Akahito was a virtual stranger. An attractive stranger, but just a stranger. “That’s correct. Work got to be a bit too much. I pretty much never take vacation time, so it’s been good to get away.” That last bit was not entirely true, but he was also practicing speaking positively.

“I know how that is. The university just sucks my soul dry sometimes.” Akahito shook his head. “The nice thing about university, though, is that we have breaks built into our year. Spring break right now, semester break, summer break. Lots of breaks. We work like hell the rest of the year, of course, but then we take time off. All things have seasons.”

Silas nodded, because it sounded logical, even if his life wasn’t exactly divided as neatly as that. “Are you sure I can’t pay you for the supplies and the use of the machine?”

Akahito waved his hand. “It’s fine, don’t worry. You’re making adaptive equipment for a cat.” He checked his watch. “The printer takes quite a while. We can go check on it soon.”

When Silas went to get up, Akahito waved him down. “Soon, not yet. It’s nice out.” He glanced around. “Spring break, I can actually sit out here and not have students coming up to me and asking me for extensions on their projects.” He grinned. “So what have you been doing with your time off?”

They sat and talked until the pieces were finished, starting out with meaningless topics like the weather and local news, small talk that Silas disliked, but soon moved on to more interesting topics. Akahito’s work in physics overlapped surprisingly with Silas’s biomechatronics, especially in the area where both were fabricating the tools necessary to conduct their work. Once they realized they had this in common, the conversation became more intense and deep, the type of conversation Silas relished.