Page 8 of Always Be My Pumpkin

I burn at the memory and share the part I’ve never told him until now. ‘I was there, standing right behind Jamie and Scott. I know you didn’t see me. But I saw you. And I heard how you laughed.’

Flynn’s face goes ashen and he looks like he’s about to be sick.

‘I’m sorry, Gracie, I get how that must have looked.’ He tugs a hand through his hair and his voice is raw and tight. ‘But I promise, I wasn’t laughing at you. I’d never have laughed at you. You were my best friend.’ He squeezes his eyes shut and his face contorts as if he’s in pain. ‘I was in shock after finding out my father had decided to move us so far away. I’d only just found out. And I was in bits at the thought of leaving you.’

‘Really?’

He watches me frown. ‘You know I was. I told you. In my letter.’

‘Did you?’

‘Yeah, you know I did.’ He looks hurt.

I scrunch my face in concentration as I try to picture that first note Flynn sent after he left. I presume he means the one after the card that said Happy Holidays. Because that was barely a line. The next one was hardly a letter, but at least he did write and tell me a little about his life, even if it was only a few lines on a card.

I feel bad that I don’t remember it properly, but it was a long time ago, and there was a lot to process in that note, now buried in a box in Mam’s attic. It was the first time Flynn mentioned his mother being sick, and his dad being so busy and never there for her, and how it was just as well he didn’t stay in Oakwood (like that was ever an option), as his mam needed him in Cricket Falls.

But that’s all I remember. I don’t remember him saying sorry for laughing or telling me he didn’t want to leave. Maybe I blocked that part out because I was hurt that it came way too late.

‘Okay, well, I guess that makes sense,’ I say eventually. ‘The laughing, I mean. The being in shock.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Flynn hangs his head. ‘You have every right to choose who you want to be with. I shouldn’t have written what I did. I should never have put that on you.’

‘Don’t say that.’ I reach across the table to squeeze his hand. I hate that he feels bad for telling me his mam was sick. ‘You know you can tell me anything. I’m still your friend.’

His eyes find mine and he gives me a relieved smile. ‘Thanks, that’s good to hear.’

I smile back. ‘And I’m glad your mam is better now.’

He frowns, and looks confused, but I go on. I need to say this. ‘But I don’t get why you’re annoyed about Jamie? You weren’t even around when I started seeing him. You’d already left.’

I don’t mention that Jamie was furious at him for laughing at me and came to me the next day and said Flynn was a prick and he didn’t deserve me, and he’d love to take me to the ball. I said no at first. I thought he just felt sorry for me. Or maybe Sarah had begged him to ask me out, to soften the blow from Flynn.

Jamie could have taken anyone. He was the standard tall, dark, and good-looking type, and most of the other girls in school were crazy about him. I’d never taken much notice. Never understood what all the fuss was about. But he persisted for days until I finally agreed. And then he treated me like a princess that night, and afterwards. He really came through for me back then, and if it wasn’t for Jamie and Sarah, I’m not sure how I’d have gotten through that awful time.

I feel like saying all this to Flynn, but he still looks upset, even though he really has no right to be. I’m about to ask again why it bothers him so much, when my phone buzzes at full volume, and it’s as if I’ve conjured up my ex with all these memories. I hit decline, but it starts to ring again immediately.

‘Sorry, I’d better take this. It’ll keep ringing all night if I don’t. I won’t be long.’

‘We need to talk.’ Jamie’s tone is clipped as I pull the door to the beer garden closed behind me and sink down on the bench by the wall.

‘I don’t have anything to say to you.’ I’m not sure what he expects me to say considering this is the first time he’s called since I left.

‘Be reasonable, Gracie. You know Olivia and I are just work colleagues. It was nothing. It is nothing.’ No need for FaceTime, I can picture the downward curve of his lips as Jamie sighs down the line.

I roll my eyes. ‘So, you’re still shagging her then?’

‘Don’t be crude, Gracie, it doesn’t suit you.’

‘You didn’t answer my question.’

‘It’s a ridiculous question. Anyway, I’m not calling to talk about Olivia. I’m calling to talk about you and me.’

‘It’s been almost a month, Jamie. There is no you and me. Not any more.’

‘Gracie.’ He sighs again. ‘I made a mistake. People make mistakes.’ His tone changes to accusing. ‘And you left me, not the other way around. What was I supposed to do? I was upset at the way you treated me, and I needed time to figure out what I wanted. But I’ll be home soon and we’ll work this out.’

‘The way I treated you?’ I sag against the freezing cold wall. ‘You’re the one who cheated. And then didn’t even bother to apologise. I don’t know why you’re finally calling me now, but please don’t call me again.’