Page 58 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘I wish I’d been here when you came home, love. It must have been hard. You and Jamie were together a long time.’

‘I don’t want to talk about Jamie, Mam.’ She offered to come home from her trip when I told her Jamie and I were finished, but it was the first time since Dad died that she really had something for her. ‘And I was fine, honestly. I had Sarah.’

‘And Flynn,’ she says softly.

I hear the question in her tone but I’m not sure how to answer.

‘I’m glad he’s back,’ she adds. ‘You two were always so close.’

‘Not always,’ I say quietly. ‘He was gone for ten years.’ And he’ll be gone again soon.

She gives me an understanding nod. ‘I know, love, and I know that was hard for you. But I’m glad he’s back.’ She takes a sip of her tea, and her eyebrows lift with a question as she adds, ‘It was kind of him to let you stay in Hazel Cottage.’

‘Yeah, that was handy,’ I deflect. ‘But it’s good to be home. For a little while anyway. Until I find a place of my own.’

Mam does a double take. ‘But there’s no need. You can stay here as long as you want.’

‘I know, but I might ask for a transfer if I get my promotion. There’s a position in Abbeyville, and I think Gemma will support me if I let her know I’m interested.’

And I won’t see reminders of Flynn everywhere.

‘Everybody else is moving on,’ I say, as much to myself as to Mam. ‘Sarah and Scott might go to Australia. They’re thinking about it.’ Well, Scott is, at least. ‘Maybe it’s time I moved on too. I know Abbeyville is not very far, but it’s a start.’

Mam leans back on her couch and peers at me hard. ‘But you love Oakwood.’

I shrug. ‘Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love in order to move on.’

‘And sometimes you have to fight for them, Gracie.’

‘You can’t fight for someone if they’re not here, if they don’t want to be.’

‘You mean your dad.’

A sad look clouds her face, and I feel guilty. I was talking about Flynn but now I realise I’ve dragged up old memories, painful ones, for both of us. I swallow hard. Mam’s just back from her first real break in years, and I wanted to keep things light and carefree for her. But I don’t feel very light, or carefree, right now.

I’m about to say sorry, we don’t need to talk about it, when she says, ‘We really should talk more about him. About what happened.’

‘We don’t need to.’ Not if it causes her pain. That’s the last thing I want.

‘We do, Gracie. I’m sorry I haven’t wanted to go there before. Those things people said. I was so hurt that people would say that, and I didn’t want to put that on you.’

‘I was hurt too.’ It’s the first time I’ve told her. ‘But I didn’t realise you knew, so I didn’t want to put that on you.’

Mam gives me a rueful smile. ‘We’re more alike than I realised.’ She sighs, but it’s more wistful than sad. ‘I always think you’re so like your dad.’

‘Is that hard for you?’ It’s a question I’ve always wondered but never asked. ‘It must be like looking at him sometimes. I have the exact same hair, and his green eyes.’

Her cheeks lift. ‘And his bright sunny smile.’ She shakes her head. ‘No, it’s not hard. It’s wonderful, Gracie. He was wonderful.’ She reaches over and takes my hand. ‘He loved you so much, you know. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy.’

‘I know.’ At least I think I do.

‘And he didn’t leave us, Gracie. He was taken. But even if he had, that wouldn’t mean he didn’t love us. Sometimes people leave because they don’t feel they have a choice. It doesn’t mean they don’t care.’

I nod. ‘But then we should let them go, shouldn’t we?’

Mam peers at me. ‘We’re not talking about your dad now, are we?’

‘No.’