Page 37 of Always Be My Pumpkin

‘Is something wrong? You’ve barely touched your food.’ Jamie points at my salmon with his knife. ‘I can send it back if it’s dry.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with the fish.’ I set down my fork. I’ve been nudging the same sliver of spinach around my plate, waiting for Jamie to stop ranting about Australia, the opportunities for anyone with ambition, and money behind them, and how his father has offered to set him up in Sydney if that’s what he wants.

‘Why are we here, Jamie? Why am I here?’ I tip my chin and glance around the room, the fancy linen tablecloths, ornate corniced ceiling, and the crystal chandelier above our heads. I press my fingers to my temples and rub up to my scalp. If I have to listen to one more word about Jamie’s ambitions, I’ll pull out my own hair. Or his.

‘Because I need you to understand. This is the right move for us. This could be the making of us, Gracie.’

‘Now where have I heard that before?’ I grit my teeth and dig my fingers into my linen napkin. Jamie opens his mouth to say something, but either he thinks better of it, or he’s speechless for once.

‘Oh yes, that’s right.’ I hold my voice steady even though I’m fuming inside. ‘Two years ago, when you asked me to leave my job, my friends, my life, and move to London.’ I lean forward on my elbows, eyebrows arched. ‘To have more time on our own, to make sure we were right for each other.’ I curl my mouth in distaste as I think about him and Olivia in our bed, and her speech about how Jamie had been using her all along. ‘Well, look how that turned out.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Jamie groans into his palms. He even sounds like he means it when he looks up and says, ‘I’ve been a fool.’ He reaches across the table, but I pull back and bury my hands underneath it, clutching the soft cotton of my skirt.

‘Olivia and I are done, I promise. It’s over.’ His face softens, eyes pleading. ‘Please, Gracie, you have to believe me, you’re the one. I know that now.’

I wince like I’ve swallowed something sour. I don’t even believe in the one. I’m starting to realise that life is about the choices we make. And I need to make better choices.

My tone is clipped as I ask, ‘What finally made up your mind?’

‘Seeing you with him again,’ he snaps out. His face tenses and it’s clear he didn’t mean to say that, but Jamie never backtracks. He stares me down and carries on. ‘I know you had a crush on him at school. I couldn’t even get you to notice me when he was around. You were too busy hanging on his every word.’ His nostrils flare. ‘And he didn’t even want you. Half the school heard him laugh at you. Have you forgotten that already?’

I stare at him coldly. That’s cruel, even for Jamie.

He shakes his head and sighs. ‘I’m sorry, I’m just frustrated. I’m not accusing you of anything and I’m willing to forget everything Olivia said. I know she’s jealous.’ He reaches across the table again, even though my hands are still on my lap, curled in tight fists. I’m too angry to speak, so I let him drone on, his words an irritating buzz in my ears.

I won’t have to listen for much longer. I messaged Flynn under the table fifteen minutes ago, when I knew I couldn’t stomach much more of Jamie’s rubbish. And my phone just vibrated with a message to let me know he’s waiting outside in Pat’s truck.

‘I’m not asking you to cut him out completely.’ He sighs, as though this is a major concession, but one he’s willing to allow. ‘Although I’d rather you did. But if you want to keep sending each other those Christmas cards, even when we’re in Sydney, I won’t say a word.’

He holds up his hands as though he’s offering a truce. In his war with Flynn.

‘I’ve made my choice. And I think it’s time you made yours.’ He stares across at me, waiting for me to look grateful. But I keep my face blank, as I picture Flynn waiting for me in Pat’s truck.

‘You need someone who’ll stay, Gracie.’ He reaches into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulls out a small navy box. He opens it and holds it out across the table, and I stare at the enormous pear-shaped diamond that might be the ugliest ring I’ve ever seen, even if it does look like it cost more than my last car. ‘And that someone is me.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ll even get down on one knee, if you want.’

My stomach heaves, and I’m not sure if I want to scream or hurl into my salmon. I stare aghast at Jamie with his big shiny ring, and his half-baked proposal, and his complete inability to listen to a damn word I say.

‘Don’t bother, Jamie. It wouldn’t matter if you got down on both knees. You could crawl across the floor and beg for all the difference it would make to me.’

I feel like a tightly coiled spring as I spit out the words. ‘I don’t want anything from you any more, especially not a ring.’ My chest heaves as I try to hold it together. I have no intention of allowing Jamie to see that he can still bring me close to tears, even if they are only tears of frustration that I wasted years of my life with someone who barely sees me at all.

‘Okay, I get it, it’s too soon. You’re obviously still annoyed about Olivia.’ He tucks the ring back in his breast pocket. ‘But you know me. I don’t give up easily.’ His face is smug and his tone condescending as he holds up his palms. And I want to slap them right back down just to make him shut up.

‘Believe whatever you want. I don’t care.’ I stand and pull on my slouchy green cardigan and wrap it close around my chest. ‘Because I have made my choice. I choose me.’

He shakes his head, exasperated. ‘What does that even mean, Gracie?’ He clicks his fingers at a passing waiter for the bill. ‘Okay, if you insist on leaving, I’ll take you home.’ He pushes back his chair and stands too, flicking his gaze to the only table close to us. A stony-faced older couple, heads tilted the other way, doing their utmost to act like they haven’t noticed we’re here.

‘We need more privacy anyway.’ He sniffs. ‘Sarah and Scott are away. We can have a nightcap back at theirs and talk this through properly like grown-ups.’

‘What?’ I almost stumble, I’m so stunned. ‘Are you crazy? You can’t seriously think you’re taking me home.’

I turn and march to the hallway that leads towards the exit, and the car park where Flynn’s waiting. I hear Jamie’s footsteps behind, but I keep going until I reach the main door, then I swivel back and scowl. ‘And what do you mean, like grown-ups?’

Jamie shakes his head as though I’m the one trying his patience. ‘Of course I’m taking you home.’ He folds his arms across his chest. ‘You hardly think I’m going to let you walk through the woods by yourself. And you are acting like a stubborn child this evening. It’s because you’re spending too much time hanging around with Anderson again.’ He doesn’t bother to hide his sneer. ‘The sooner he goes back to where he came from, the better.’

‘Don’t you dare talk about Flynn like that.’ I set my hands on my hips and stare Jamie down. Then I hear a honk and I turn my head to see Flynn parked at the bottom of the steps. And opening the driver’s door as though he’s planning to come inside. I pull my phone from my cardi pocket and fire off a text to ask him to wait. I don’t want Jamie making snarky comments to his face. Flynn won’t give a toss, but I’ve had more than my fill of Jamie’s snide remarks.

‘Who are you texting?’ Jamie snaps. He looks over my shoulder and his nostrils flare as he clocks Flynn in Pat’s truck. ‘Him! You are not going home with him!’ He puffs out his chest, and I almost snort a laugh as I picture Flynn’s cartoon.