Page 60 of Book Club Confidential

Tessa ached for both men. They each deserved so much better.

She hoped the nonstop worry hadn’t caused her dad to age faster. That it hadn’t taken a toll on his health. Because something in his posture and appearance said he wasn’t doing as well as he claimed.

And suddenly she felt doubly glad to be here with him and her brother. No one was promised another day.

Chapter Sixteen

They took their usual seats at the oval oaken table for six. Dad at the far end, Tessa on one side of him, Devin on the other.

They passed trays of pasta and garlic rolls, the bowl of salad, and the bottle of dressing. The butter dish and parmesan container sat centrally within reach. A platter of fried chicken finished the spread.

“This is nice,” Dad said. “Being here like this with both of you means everything to me. Thanks for spending some time with your old man.”

“Thanks for having me back,” Devin said. “I certainly don’t deserve another chance.”

Tessa’s gaze jumped to their dad’s proud face, before sweeping to her brother. “How long are you hanging around?”

“For a while,” Dad said. “Devin’s putting down some roots.”

Her mouth opened, then snapped shut when words escaped her.

“I could use a little help around here,” Dad said. “Devin’s looking for a fresh start and was kind enough to agree to stay here and help me while he gets settled.”

A thousand concerned words piled on her tongue. She couldn’t protect her dad from his love for her brother and the earth-shattering disappointment that it always caused.

A knot of panic formed in her chest, and her thoughts began to spiral. She couldn’t stop her brother from hurting their dad again when he fell off the wagon, when he repeated any of the awful things he’d done under the influence in the past, or when he eventually left. And she couldn’t protect her brother from his demons any more than anyone had been able to protect her mother.

Worse, she couldn’t say any of those things, or the dozens of others forming a hurricane in her heart and head, because saying them aloud would only hurt them both.

“I was in rehab,” Devin said.

Her gaze flickered to him. “What?”

“At Christmas. It’s the reason I wasn’t here. I stayed for four months, completed the full ninety-day program, then stuck around a little more. When I felt good enough to try life again, I realized pretty quickly that I wouldn’t be able to continue the work I’d done in rehab if I went right back to the same apartment, same job, same environment.”

Tessa stared in shock and disbelief. Devin went to rehab. By choice, not by force. And he wanted to stay clean.

“You’re right not to believe me,” Devin said. “I know I’ve said similar things before, and I know how this looks. The difference today is that I’m telling you I have an addiction problem. I understand and I accept that fact. I did the big work of getting clean without dragging you guys into it, but I could really use my family while I pick up the pieces and try to repair as much of my life as I can,” Devin said. “I mean it when I say how incredibly sorry I am for every ounce of fear, worry, and pain I’ve caused you.”

Dad’s eyes misted with hope and unshed tears.

Was it possible that Devin had managed what Tessa’s mom never could?

Tessa wanted to believe it. She wanted him to be healthy, for her family to be healed. And she wanted to believe it was possible for her mom to turn her life around too.

Their dad patted Devin’s hand. “We’re glad you trusted us enough to come back and let us help however we can. Right, Tess?”

Tessa felt her stomach tighten with fear. She feared he’d fail. She feared the pain it would cause her and her dad if he did. And she feared Devin wouldn’t try again if things didn’t work out as planned.

There was too much at stake, and she struggled to breathe. Then she thought of her conversation about change with Grant. She wanted to be one of the people in Devin’s corner, not one who made an already difficult change harder. Could she be the best version of herself when her heart wanted to prepare for the worst, to protect herself, and her dad, at all costs?

If she did that, who would protect Devin while he worked against the odds to make a better life?

Silence hung eerily over the room, sharp and heavy as a guillotine’s blade.

“Tess?” Dad asked.

“Of course,” she said, forcing the word from her throat.