Page 86 of Royal Desire

But it’s nothing compared to my heart.

Owen Deacon is a horrible man who doesn’t make empty threats. I’ve heard about them my entire life and seen the results of what he does to make sure everyone knows he’ll carry through on every single one.

I have no choice but to leave. If that’s what I have to do to protect the three people I love most, I’ll do it.

I’m not sure what hurts more, the thought of losing Payne or knowing I’m the one who will break his heart.

Choices...

I have none.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

FUCK IT

Payne

Present

Red.

All I see is red.

“Payne.” My name hits me in a whisper from where she stands behind me. When she got halfway through the nightmare my father put her through, I had to look away. I didn’t trust myself to touch her when all I wanted to do was throw a chair through the fucking window.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

I turn and find her crying silent tears. “You’re sorry?”

She nods and swipes her face. “I am. I shouldn’t have left you. I was scared, and I’d seen every bruise he’d given you from the time we met. Every single one. The thought of him doing anything worse...” Her words trail off. “And then he threatened my family. Even if I told you, I’m not sure who else would’ve believed me. I was just some girl in town from a broken family. He was Owen Deacon. It would have been my word against his if I went to the authorities.”

I’ll throw something through the window later.

I take the two steps to pull her face to mine. The need to touch her and beg her to forgive my fucked-up family for everything they’ve put her through overwhelms me. “Don’t ever be sorry. You did nothing wrong. If that son of a bitch wasn’t rotting away in prison right now, I’d kill him with my own hands. I’m the one who’s sorry. Sorry I didn’t protect you from him. Sorry I put you in the position to be here with him in the first place.”

I pull her to my chest and bury my face in her hair. I don’t know how she’s handled this on her own. I can’t take it. It’s been years, and it didn’t even happen to me. I’d take a thousand bruises and beatings from my fucking father if I could take away what he did to her.

She pushes away just far enough to look up at me. Her eyes are calm compared to what’s raging in my gut. “I didn’t want to tell you. But we’re here. If we have a chance at any future, you had to know. We never kept anything from each other before. I want that again. This is on me. I left, but I should’ve come back. I thought you’d never forgive me. Years later when I heard you got engaged, I was hurt, and then I was angry. There was no way I could come back.”

I lean down to look straight into her eyes. “I don’t know how it got to that point. I was tortured from missing you. I had to talk myself into moving on, but I couldn’t go through with it. Not in my heart. Ask Dean. He was there. It’s not something I’m proud of. If I could go back, it never would’ve happened.”

Her hands slide up my pecs, my neck, and land on my jaw. “I don’t blame you for moving on. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. It was easier to hate you than look in the mirror at who was to blame—me.”

“I’ve got to get you out of here.” I let her go, but only far enough to bend and swipe her up. I cradle her to my chest as I hold her tight around her back and beneath her knees.

“What are you doing?”

I’m out of the office and move toward the stairs. “I’m going to tear that fucking room apart. When I’m done with it, no one will recognize it. I can’t stand it—and I never want you to set foot in there again. I’ll rebuild it from the bottom up. I’ll do everything I can to erase what he did from your brain.”

I’m up the first flight of stairs and turn to my suite. It’s late. Mom is passed out by now, and it’s Sadie’s day off. Alice and Blake are set for the night and will call if they need anything.

I open the door to my suite and kick it shut, but I don’t put her down. She looks around but doesn’t move to leave my arms. “Unlike your father’s office, you’ve really changed the place.”

“You’re here.” I look down at her where we stand in the middle of my bedroom. “I can’t believe you’re here after all this time. I don’t give a damn that I sound like a chick ... you’re like a dream come true after a nightmare. There were years I never let myself fantasize this. Then later, there were years I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I knew I’d be alone forever. If I couldn’t have you, I didn’t want anyone.”

She puts a hand on my jaw and leans in to press her lips to mine. “We’re finally alone.”

I pull back and shake my head. “No, we can’t do this. Not tonight. I thought this was going to happen all day. Hell, I’ve been counting down the minutes until I got you right here. There’s no way I can take you after what you just told me. But that doesn’t mean you’re leaving my side. I’ll never let you go again.”