Page 77 of Give Me Peace

“Now, where were we?” he questions, attempting slide between my legs. I sputter in protest, planting my hand against his chest so I can shove him away and slip from the bed.

“Absolutely not.” I point my finger at him, grabbing one of the sheets we used for the fort and wrapping it around myself. His bottom lip pops out, but he can’t beat me at my own trick. I know exactly what he’s trying to do, and I won’t be falling for it.

“But…I’m still hungry.” Kash smirks, fluttering his dark lashes at me, but I shake my head. The man is a damn menace.

“Then go eat a breakfast bar,” I whisper-yell. “That was humiliating. I feel like…like—” My shoulders drop as tears sting my eyes. I tilt my head back, blinking rapidly to keep them at bay.

“Hey.” Kash scrambles to the end of the bed, cursing the blanket his leg gets tangled in, and sandwiches my face between his hands. “What? You feel like what, sweetness?”

“A selfish brat,” I mutter, wishing he wasn’t holding me hostage with his gaze. “This feels wrong, to have feelings for five men. Even worse to act on them. This isn’t normal, Kash, and it’s certainly not fair to any of you. Roan is the easy one to read, yet he just shut down completely at catching the two us together. God only knows what he thinks of me now.” I shudder, closing my eyes to hide the hurt that possibility brings me.

“Fuck, babe.” Kash presses his forehead to mine. “Listen to me—this isn’t one-sided. Our feelings play just as much a part in this as yours do. We fell for you so easily, Best Friend. It didn’t take long for us to surmise we’d end up here. How you’d come to feel about any of us was a mystery, but we damn well knew where we stood. Our attachment was formed three years ago, and it’s only grown and evolved since. It was harmless at first, when we were only acquainted with the young girl we were desperate to bring home. But then we got to know you, sweetness. Beyond the case file and media frenzy.

“You don’t get to feel guilt or shame over this. Fuck everyone else because their opinions don’t matter. The six people who live here are the only ones who get any goddamn say in what happens between us. You’ve had enough taken from you, babe. Don’t let fear take anything else. Whatever you want, it’s yours. Do what, or who, makes you happy.” Kash grins, tugging my chin so I can see for myself how sincere he is. “Kade brought the situation to our attention before he and Loch left, and while I can’t speak for anyone else, I want you to know that I’m okay with you being with them. If that’s what you want, you’ll get no pushback from me.”

I scrunch my nose, confused and slightly overwhelmed. “What do you mean he ‘brought it up’?” I question.

“Uh,” Kash hesitates, clearly wondering if he screwed up by saying something. To be determined. “He just mentioned that you guys were exploring more of an intimate relationship.” He rushes to explain at the widening of my eyes, “No details, I swear! He was very clear about keeping whatever happened between the two of you.” Kash scratches his head, looking supremely uncomfortable. Too bad. I’m not exactly thrilled they had a family meeting concerning something that very much involves me yet chose to leave me out of it. Again.

“Kade knows how we feel about you. He made it clear he wouldn’t stand in our way if we tried to pursue something with you, too, but he wasn’t backing off, either. The ball’s in your court, sweetness. Well, more like five sets of balls, totaling ten altogether.” Kash winks as I roll my eyes. It’s like he can’t go a solid five minutes without cracking a joke. Too much seriousness makes him twitchy, I think.

“Good to know, I guess.” I shrug, needing time to regroup before I can check in with myself and determine how I’m really feeling.

“Really?” Kash seems shocked by my easy acquiescence. “Shit, I’m getting better at these pep talks.” He waggles his eyebrows. “Come on, sweetness. Let’s go run you a bath.”

We’re almost to the bathroom when he stops and backtracks to the bed, tossing the covers off as he searches for something. I’m slack jawed when he pulls the stuck sucker from my sheets and pops it in his mouth. Not a single care if it’s covered in lint or me. He makes a pleased sound, strutting past me as I stand there, stupefied by the things he does, even though I shouldn’t be at this point. I shake my head and follow behind him, leaning against the counter as Kash turns the water on and drops a scoop of lavender bath salt in.

“Relax and soak for a while.” He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “I need to run to town, but I’ll be back in a bit. If you think of anything you need, shoot me a text.” I nod as he boops my nose, then swoops in and pecks me on the lips, hard and quick. Kash leaves me smiling, grabbing our discarded pizza box on his way out. I close my eyes, waiting for the tub to fill, and think about how quickly things have changed. I’m fighting with logic, who’s urging me to slow down, to wait and grieve the loss of five years. The loss of my mom.

But in a way, I already have. I lived those years—day in, day out—I was there for every second, minute, and hour that passed. Why should I keep dwelling on the time I lost when I could be living? Doing all the things I prayed I’d get the chance to, but never expected to happen. I’m no longer being held against my will, but sometimes, it feels like mind is still there. Stuck below the ground in that godforsaken room. As for Mom, I lost her the day Liam took me. I grieved her long before she as actually dead.

I turn the tap off and let the sheet fall to the floor. Stepping in, I ease myself beneath the hot water, groaning at how good it feels. I’m sore, but not as much as I thought I’d be. It’s a disturbing thought, but I’m sure the way Liam treated me made my first time easier. I’ve known pain in that part of my body, and there’s a massive difference between intentional hurt and the kind I experienced with Kash. He’d never cause me harm; not purposefully. None of them would. I slink below the surface and wet my hair. After shampooing and scrubbing myself clean, I towel off and drain the tub. I wish I could own my embarrassment, the shame of Roan walking in on us, but I’m not wired that way. I dress in leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, dreading having to face the man but knowing I can’t hide in my room forever.

It's quiet as I make my way through the house, my eyes searching every nook and cranny, certain I’ll be cornered and subjected to a round of twenty-one, highly invasive questions at any second. I breathe a sigh of relief when I find the kitchen and living room empty. Deciding to make myself something to eat, I head to the pantry and pull out the things I need for cheese quesadillas. They’re simple enough I won’t have to worry about burning the house down.

I’ve just tossed some butter in the skillet when I notice that Krew’s office door is cracked. A sliver of his face is visible from the illumination of his computer screen. Honestly, I’m surprised he took as much time as he did to catch up on sleep. And I’d be willing to bet the only thing he’s put on his stomach since he went back to work is way too many energy drinks. I bite my lip, debating if I should interrupt, but surely he won’t turn down food. I toss another quesadilla on after I plate mine, and once they’re both done, I take a fortifying breath and head towards the inner sanctum of Krew Davenport.

I tap my knuckles against the door, causing it to open a bit more. At first, he doesn’t even register the interruption, too focused on whatever he’s looking at to notice me. I clear my throat, standing there awkwardly as I try to balance two plates and the bottles of water I shoved beneath my arm. Krew’s head snaps up, his brown eyes blinking several times to clear the fog from his brain. It’s obvious he’s hyper-focused on something and I’ve just severed his train of thought.

“Sorry.” I scrunch my nose. “Thought you might be hungry, but I can set this in the microwave for later, if you want?” Krew pushes back from his desk, his legs spread wide as he shakes his head.

“You’re good, Tink. What’d you make?” He lifts his chin at the food, so I close the gap between us, letting him take the waters so I can hand him a plate.

“Nothing special.” I shrug in response, knowing my culinary skills pale in comparison to the guys’.

“Looks good to me.” A shocked gasp escapes me when Krew snags my hand and pulls me down on his lap. “Might as well eat together.” I sit there for a second, too stunned to do much of anything but gape at the desk in front of me. We’ve shared a few moments, and I’m not so dense that I don’t recognize the attraction between us, but Krew has always been more reserved with his affection. I take a hesitant bite, willing my body to relax. After several minutes pass with neither of us speaking, I study the screen he has pulled up. It’s a video, paused on a dark alley, the picture black and grey and kind of grainy.

“What are you working on?” I question, curious about the footage but also anxious to end the silence.

“The case out of Tennessee. We couldn’t find any surveillance of the front of the building, but we got lucky and someone’s dashcam caught the kid as stumbled out the door. I know he hooked a right, but it’s a guessing game after that. The car turned at the next intersection, so they’ve got nothing else, either. Right now, it’s a process of elimination. I’m checking each possible route, combing through any security footage we’ve obtained so I can rule out the directions he didn’t go.” I nod, licking salsa from my finger as Krew starts the video and continues working.

He doesn’t seem bothered by my presence, so I settle in and watch. It’s obvious he enjoys what he does. He taps away at the keys and switches between screens so quickly it’s hard to keep up. But it’s fascinating, seeing this side of him. I’m not sure he even realizes, but his hand has worked its way beneath my sweater. It’s resting against my stomach, his thumb stroking back and forth lazily. I bite my lip, shifting just the slightest. Krew tightens his hold, tugging me until my back is flush with his front. He brushes my damp hair aside and places a kiss over my pulse.

“You aren’t ready for me, Tink.” Krew punctuates his claim with a nip to my ear, making me jump from the bite of pain. “I’m not soft or sweet like my brother. I fuck. I’ll push you, test your limits until you’re crying, begging me to make you come. I won’t treat you like you’re fragile because you fucking aren’t. Until you’re certain you want what I’m offering, I need you to stop moving your tight little ass over my cock.” His hips thrusts on a grunt, the hard outline of him unmistakable against the thin fabric of my leggings.

I’m speechless. Intelligent thought completely leaves the building, and all that’s left are images of what he’s describing. I don’t have much to go off of, but I can imagine the carnal way he’d take me. And it would definitely be a taking. Krew would never cede control, and right now, that’s something I need.

“Go find Ro. I can practically feel the big fucker pacing. Not sure what had him running scared this morning, but I have an idea.” Krew pushes me to my feet and blatantly readjusts himself. A pang of disappointment spears my chest at being dismissed so easily. Is this how it’ll always be between us? Him pushing me away if things get too heated, just because I’m not ready for the type of sex he described? I grab our plates, ready to hightail it out there, but his fingers grip my wrist, bringing my hand to his mouth.