Page 74 of Give Me Peace

Jesus, I think I really do love him.

He’s tied one corner of the sheet to my door, the other end to the closet, and the back piece is connected to my headboard. Two more are draped across to hang around us, giving the illusion we’re in a little hut atop my bed. We’ve got a mound of blankets, my laptop streaming a comedy, and enough snacks to last us through the night. Kash gets teary-eyed at the end of Moana, so of course I tease him. He tickles me relentlessly, not stopping until I threaten him with turning on Eight Legged Freaks. He visibly shudders at the mention of the movie.

We’ve just started the first Hunger Games, but I’m more focused on Kash than I am the movie. He’s really something special. Without fail, he took me right under his wing and helped me through my first few days here. He shopped for me, made sure I had all the necessities, and not just basic drugstore brands, either.

“Make myself orgasm,” I blurt. Kash chokes on a piece of candy, his gaze swinging to me in shock. Honestly, I’m just as surprised by the words as he is. He keeps coughing, so I pat his back a few times to help him through the fit he seems to be having.

“The fuck?!” Kash sits up, wiping his watery eyes as he pins me with a look of alarm. “What does that even mean?”

“The list. That’s what I wrote. The thing that Havok was teasing me about the morning after we got drunk.” I wanted to tell him, especially after he shared so much with me earlier, but now I’m wondering if that was a dumb idea. I don’t want Kash to feel like he’s being kept on the outside of a secret, and that’s the vibe I got when he waved that piece of paper at me.

“You wanted to…make yourself orgasm?” he questions slowly.

I nod. “Long story short, Liam made me…arrive…and it’s messed with my head. I couldn’t touch myself without thinking about him.”

“And Kade obviously helped with that because it was crossed off the list,” Kash states, like he knows the answer already.

“Yes,” I whisper, suddenly nervous he’s going to be angry with me.

“Huh.” He stares at the wall, not saying anything for the longest time. We’re edging toward awkward when he drops a truth of his own.

“I’m a virgin.” I blink, certain I heard him wrong.

“How?” If I sound incredulous it’s because I am.

“Well, my P has never entered a V…” Kash spells it out for me. I smack his arm with the back of my hand, trying not to laugh at his answer.

“You know what I mean. You’re…” I wave my hand at him.

“I’m…what?” His eyebrows scrunch together, completely unaware of why I find that so shocking.

“Hot,” I deadpan, making a sinful grin spread across his face.

“Oooh, do tell, sweetness. What other words would you use to describe me?” Kash props his chin on his fist, those brown eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Let’s see…” I start counting off everything I can think of on my fingers. “Sweet, funny, pre-diabetic, chicken-shit—at least when it comes to bugs—what else?” I tap my chin, but Kash tackles me, cutting off my train of thought.

“You little brat,” he growls, burying his face against my neck, his stubble making me squirm. “Wanna know how I’d describe you?” I nod, biting my lip as I stare at him above me. The glow of the laptop makes his jawline sharper. “Beautiful,” he whispers, kissing my cheek. “Innocent.” A kiss to my nose. “Kind.” My other cheek. “Smart.” My forehead. “Perfect.” Finally, his lips land on mine, his sweet words resonating somewhere deep inside me. A place only these men seem to penetrate, and without even trying. They’re stealing parts of me, too, but I’m not mad about it.

I pull Kash closer, groaning when he slips his tongue in my mouth. Our first kiss—my very first—pales in comparison to the way he’s making me feel right now. Like I’m on fire. His hand settles on the base of my throat as I arch against his hold. I need…more. Sliding my hands under the back of his shirt, I sigh when my fingers find his heated skin. Kash pulls back suddenly, his chest heaving as he glances down at me. Whatever he sees makes him smirk, and in a move too hot for words, he reaches back and pulls his shirt off.

“Sweetness,” Kash groans, fisting the hem of my sweatshirt. I nod my permission, and he wastes no time ridding me of it. “Fucking hell.” He presses a kiss to the hollow of my throat and works his way down. When his teeth graze my nipple, I practically come off the bed. Kash just chuckles, the sound undeniably sexual.

“Kash,” I pant, grappling for a single brain cell to spit out when I need to say. “I’m a virgin, too.” He freezes, easing back to look me in the eye.

“You and Kade didn’t…” He trails off, his face giving no hint of how that makes him feel.

I shake my head. “We did…other stuff.”

“I’m not trying to get in your pants, sweetness. Okay, that’s not entirely true. But sex wasn’t where I thought this was headed. We can stop right now.”

“That’s not necessary.” I prop myself up on my elbows, knowing the conversation requires more attention than I’m giving it. “I want to. With you.” Kash says nothing, making me wonder if I totally misread the situation.

“Fuck.” He drops his head back, lacing his hands together behind his neck. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” I shift, feeling embarrassed and desperate to go lock myself in the bathroom for the next few years. Kash grabs me before I can escape, his grip firm but gentle. “No. You don’t get to run away after saying that. What’s that mean, Saylor? Do you want this with me because I’m a virgin, too?” He looks angry, but I don’t understand why.

“What? No, of course not. I mean, yes, I do think being with you takes the pressure off. But in the sense that I feel safe taking this step with you. Neither of us has done this before, but even if you had, I’d still want it to be you.” Kash’s smile grows with every word, but now I’m thinking I’d rather knee him in the balls.

“Don’t get mad, sweetness. I just wanted to be sure that it’s me you want, not my inexperience. I’m a virgin by choice. I don’t particularly enjoy the touch of strangers, and no woman has ever intrigued me enough to change that. Not until you. And for the record, just because I haven’t had sex, doesn’t mean I’m some fucking boy scout who doesn’t know what I’m doing.” Kash slides his hands beneath my shorts and grips my butt, making me gasp.